ltz98 Posted March 29, 2004 Posted March 29, 2004 Hi. I searched ths forums but couldn't find anything about this subject so I thought I would ask. Does anyone know the Etiquette for the engagement ring if the two were to break up before the wedding? Does it matter what the cause and/or circumstances are? If so, please give us your suggestions. Thanks. laurie
HokeyReligions Posted March 29, 2004 Posted March 29, 2004 I would return it. If I were a man I would ask the girl to return it.
jmargel Posted March 29, 2004 Posted March 29, 2004 If he cheated on you or broke it off and it wasn't your fault, then you keep it. If it was mutual or you did something that caused it, then give it back.
Give it back Posted March 29, 2004 Posted March 29, 2004 Really, is there any question here? Good grief.
Karlise Posted March 29, 2004 Posted March 29, 2004 My general understanding is that if the man breaks it off, the girl keeps the ring If the girl breaks it off, she returns the ring. If it's mutual, she returns the ring. The ring is a huge expense for most people; I don't think anyone should keep it really. For what? The memories of a relationship that didn't work out? I think the only reason anyone should keep it is if the guy was a real pig and a real jerk and you want some monetary satisfaction out of the whole situation. Case in point, my girlfriend's fiancee cheated on her. She broke up with him and sold the ring on ebay. GO GIRLFRIEND!!!
befuddled11 Posted March 30, 2004 Posted March 30, 2004 Originally posted by Give it back Really, is there any question here? Good grief. Good grief, what? It's a very legitimate question. If the gal breaks if off because she wants out/changed her mind, then she should return it. If the guy does something rotten to cause her to break it off, she has the choice to keep it or return it. If she's done something rotten to cause him to break off the engagement, she should return it.
faux Posted March 30, 2004 Posted March 30, 2004 Originally posted by befuddled11 Good grief, what? It's a very legitimate question. If the gal breaks if off because she wants out/changed her mind, then she should return it. If the guy does something rotten to cause her to break it off, she has the choice to keep it or return it. If she's done something rotten to cause him to break off the engagement, she should return it. How in the hell does that work? If the man does something bad, or decides to end the engagement, the woman can keep the ring? An engagement ring is for one purpose: To advertise the acceptance of a wedding proposal. If the wedding is not followed through with, then the ring ought to be returned. Then again, I see wedding and engagement rings to be a complete waste of time and money. One goes to buy an engagement ring, and the woman can cheat, or end the engagement and keep the ring. If the engagement lasts until marriage, the same thing can happen, only with much more than a ring. FUN! I believe that the ring should be returned if plans do not follow through, as the ring serves a very specific purpose.
Amen Posted March 30, 2004 Posted March 30, 2004 An engagement ring is for one purpose: To advertise the acceptance of a wedding proposal. If the wedding is not followed through with, then the ring ought to be returned. Exactly. Where the heck do people get the idea that keeping the ring is ok, particularly as some form of wild-west justice? And why would anyone want to keep a ring -- supposedly a symbol of love and commitment -- when she was no longer in love nor committed? Good grief - have some bloody dignity and give the thing back. It doesn't matter what the guy did. Truly, there are more important things than money... like character. What a concept.
spencer Posted March 31, 2004 Posted March 31, 2004 I was always told protacol is ...and legally, what will hold up in many courts. if its a engagement contract only, give the ring back if the engagement ring was given on a birthday or christmas or other holiday, the ring could be considered a present and not solely a condition of a marriage. give it back anyway. i would feel bad for a guy i loved to be making payments, or have paid a lot of money for a promise that never materalized. i wouldn't feel right keeping it under any circumstance.
Arabess Posted March 31, 2004 Posted March 31, 2004 I would give the ring back and everything else he's ever given me. It would be more of a matter of pride. If he no longer loved me.....I don't want his CRAP around.
magda Posted March 31, 2004 Posted March 31, 2004 The legality depends on the court/judge, but in general it proves correct that even if he did break off the engagement, the ring should be returned to the one who purchased it. An engagement is considered a contract in some ways.. This rule also corresponds to basic ettiquette.. one should at least offer to return expensive gifts after a relationship dissolves, and tactfully oblige the givers wish. It's petty & kind of sick to want to keep it. Why be reminded of something bad or something that didn't work? And have fun wearing it in front of your next suitor - and explaining it. Engagement rings usually scream *ENGAGEMENT* by design, if you know what i mean. You'll really paint yourself vindictive keeping the thing. Not worth it. It's okay to be hurt about the break-up but it's never okay to be an ass. You'd likely never be able to have a friendship with him afterwards, for instance.
soccorsilly Posted April 17, 2004 Posted April 17, 2004 O agree with most on here--give it back. Unless for some reason you and he split the cost, gvie it back!
pav186 Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 Another vote for give it back no matter what happened. There is no reason you should get to keep the ring.
wideawake Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 I'm in the "give it back camp" myself, but I have another question: What do you do with the engagement ring after a divorce? For myself, my x wife and I had a very easy, mutual and nice divorce (still friends) and she asked if she could keep her old engagement ring. I had no issues with that, we had been married, things didn't work out and I certainly didn't feel that the ring in any way belonged to anyone but her, so of course I let her keep it. I think she turned it into a necklace or something like that... But anyway, what do you guys think?
Stone Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 My engagement was broke and I kept the ring, My ex simply did not wan't it and said it was a gift to me so I should keep it. I agreed and pawned it I wish I wouldn't have but then again what would I have done with it. the money from the pawn helped me pay all the bills he stiffed me with!!
Pyrannaste Posted April 21, 2004 Posted April 21, 2004 I'd give it back unless - you split the cost of the ring - the ex spent/borrowed some of your money and gave it not back - he says he'd rather have you keep it - you gave him some very expensive gifts when you were together and the ring is the only expensive thing you got
Kat Posted April 21, 2004 Posted April 21, 2004 he breaks it off you keep it/give it back you break it off you give it back
CurlyIam Posted April 21, 2004 Posted April 21, 2004 IT's a matter of pride to me. Give it back, as it has lost its meaning, so it doesn't count who left who. He paid for it so let him have it, it's just an object, like a table or a comfy chair.
allrnvs Posted April 23, 2004 Posted April 23, 2004 ....so if the ring is returned...then what do you do? I haven't been able to go anywhere and get nearly close to what I paid for the ring (not even half), and I am not going to keep it to return to "the next girl." I just want to get rid of it.
soccorsilly Posted April 23, 2004 Posted April 23, 2004 ..either sell it at a loss (keep looking though--unless you got ripped off in the first place)--recycle it to the next girl (shhh your secret is safe with us)----or have a jeweler re-make it into something else--pendant, earring, nose ring (YIKES), etc. Not a whole lot of choices out there. Did you ask for it back? If so, why then?
Leikela Posted April 23, 2004 Posted April 23, 2004 ....so if the ring is returned...then what do you do? I haven't been able to go anywhere and get nearly close to what I paid for the ring (not even half) Try selling it privately. You'll get closer to the value of what you paid for it. Either try and sell it on EBay, or put an ad in your local newspaper. If noone wants to buy it that way, then maybe take the loss and sell it for whatever you can get. Hey, it'll be better then getting nothing at all.
reggio Posted April 23, 2004 Posted April 23, 2004 It doesn't matter who breaks it off, just give it back. Why would anybody want to keep a ring after a breakup? If he refuses to take it back then pawn it for $$$
Azuresky Posted April 25, 2004 Posted April 25, 2004 Legally, as someone pointed out, you must return an engagement ring if the wedding is called off. In most states, this means even if he broke it off. On the other hand, after a divorce, you do not have to give the ring back. It is considered a gift. It's yours.
sally1530 Posted July 13, 2004 Posted July 13, 2004 I gave him his ring back after a week... I just needed to calm down a bit... it was devistating... well as soon as I gave him the ring, he never saw me again... this is a week after I found out he was online looking for sex on a dating service our entire relationship and was emailing 3 different girls a month before our wedding while I was living with him.... he cancelled the wedding after I forgave him and said "we can get past this" if you are truely sorry and it wont happen again... well he bolted... he was mad that it took me a week to give him back the ring... gez hes lucky i even gave it back in the first place after what he did to me.
blahblahblah Posted July 16, 2004 Posted July 16, 2004 hmm... According to Montel Williams an engagement ring is a contract. If the man breaks off the engagement he breaks the contract therefore she can keep the ring and vice versa. Personally, for sentimental sake, I'd give it back.
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