Rainbow Swirls Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 My boyfriend of 5 years got sick with the flu and had a fever, and the doctor said he might have possible heart problems. I left work early and rushed to his place to see how he was. I stayed there until late and (as I'm not allowed to stay over because of his religious parents) I had to go home when it got close to midnight. At that stage no one was home to look after him and his parents were still at some dinner party, and I was worried. So I asked my bf if he wanted to come home with me. He did, so I drove him to my place and took care of him. Kept him warm, let him sleep as much as he could, made him pancakes when he finally got some sort of appetite back, gave him a back massage when he asked me to, stayed with him while he was sick and got him whatever he needed... I told him to let his parents know where he was but I guess he forgot. Anyways, the next night he was a lot better. No more fever at least, though still coughing and tired. When I brought him home he started vomitting in the toilet. His dad was so angry at me, and said it was all my fault his son was still sick and that I shouldn't have taken him away from home because that meant they couldn't look after him. They had opened his door in the morning to find their son was missing... basically calling me a kidnapper and accusing me of almost killing him. I told my bf what his dad said, and he seemed indifferent. He said it shouldn't be a big deal, that he knows I took good care of him and that's all that matters. I said I'd like him to stick up for me more... he just brushed me off. A few days later when he was almost back to normal I told him again that I wanted him to stand up for me more in such situations, because I'm his gf, and he shouldn't let his family accuse me like that. Also blaming me for him not going to church anymore. Again, he said I shouldn't worry since everyone loves me...and brushed me off again. How infuriating! I'm left feeling totally worthless and unappreciated. So, I told him not to see me or speak to me for a week, I need some space to find myself again... btw we are both in our early 20s. What do you think of my situation?
harkkam Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 The fact you guys have stayed together for five years is a sign you both love each other. It is apparent that your bf standing up to his parents is important to you and because he didn't respond with the same level of expected importance you were naturally upset. I would be upset as well but I think a better way to handle it would be to sit and have a chat with serious overtones with him taking time to explain to him why and how important this issue is. Maybe in his mind it doesn't register that it matters As much as it does. I don't think there is anything you need to find in yourself, in fact you know what's bothering you it's just he doesn't know or isn't responding like the way you want him to. Have a chat with him, call him and meet him in a park or some where nice and expressbto him how you feel and what you would like him to do next time. But be patient because it can take sone time for new habits behaviors to kick in. Don't expect him to change over night but if he loves you and you both work together I'm sure this can be resolved I'm positive
timchambo Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 The fact you guys have stayed together for five years is a sign you both love each other. It is apparent that your bf standing up to his parents is important to you and because he didn't respond with the same level of expected importance you were naturally upset. I would be upset as well but I think a better way to handle it would be to sit and have a chat with serious overtones with him taking time to explain to him why and how important this issue is. Maybe in his mind it doesn't register that it matters As much as it does. I don't think there is anything you need to find in yourself, in fact you know what's bothering you it's just he doesn't know or isn't responding like the way you want him to. Have a chat with him, call him and meet him in a park or some where nice and expressbto him how you feel and what you would like him to do next time. But be patient because it can take sone time for new habits behaviors to kick in. Don't expect him to change over night but if he loves you and you both work together I'm sure this can be resolved I'm positive This. Communication is key. Is it worth throwing away what you guys built over one incident? Would you regret this if he does go the whole week then decide he doesnt want to come back? This is a slippery slope.
Author Rainbow Swirls Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 The fact you guys have stayed together for five years is a sign you both love each other. It is apparent that your bf standing up to his parents is important to you and because he didn't respond with the same level of expected importance you were naturally upset. I would be upset as well but I think a better way to handle it would be to sit and have a chat with serious overtones with him taking time to explain to him why and how important this issue is. Maybe in his mind it doesn't register that it matters As much as it does. I don't think there is anything you need to find in yourself, in fact you know what's bothering you it's just he doesn't know or isn't responding like the way you want him to. Have a chat with him, call him and meet him in a park or some where nice and expressbto him how you feel and what you would like him to do next time. But be patient because it can take sone time for new habits behaviors to kick in. Don't expect him to change over night but if he loves you and you both work together I'm sure this can be resolved I'm positive You're right harkkam, we do love each other very much and we should definitely communicate more rather than me giving him the silent treatment. It's only day 2 of the one week split and I miss him a lot. But... what do I say? I've tried to talk to him about this issue already. In the past he has said ok about other things, but many times he hasn't kept his word. Maybe I should listen more to him instead? (he often tells me I'm perfect for him though and there's nothing he would change about me...) This. Communication is key. Is it worth throwing away what you guys built over one incident? Would you regret this if he does go the whole week then decide he doesnt want to come back? This is a slippery slope. I don't want to lose him. But, it's not just one incident. It's happened a number of times where he has not stood up for me when I needed him to and I want him to start doing it. I don't know how else to get his attention and show him how important this is to me.
Recommended Posts