pksteph Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Hi ya'll, I'm new here. My husband of 11 years just told me this evening that he wants a divorce. He also told me that he never loved me and that he had just married me because I got pregnant with our daughter. He says the only person he's ever loved is our daughter. We are so different. We want different things in life. blah blah blah I'm a nice person... blah blah freaking blah I need to wake up. (whatever that means) Needless to say I'm feeling conflicting emotions right now. One of them is not sadness that this stupid marriage might be over with! (He just called me a "moron" for not having enough Parmesan cheese for dinner. ) I wish he would have said this sooner. I feel like I wasted my later 20's/early 30's with this jerk. I'm also mad that he told me this right after telling our daughter to go take a shower. She heard the whole stupid one sided conversation. Nice going, dude. It's been about 4 hours since then. I feel so horrible for my daughter. She's asleep now, but, she went to bed crying. Is it strange that I actually am starting to feel somewhat happy now?! Is it normal? It's like I can see freedom up ahead (even if I'll be in the poor house). I so want my name back!
Author pksteph Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 (edited) I'm starting to wonder if my husband is bipolar. I go to work this morning and during a break I check my phone. I get a text from him saying he's sorry and he doesn't want to break up our family... and to please put all my stuff back where it belongs. (I had cleared my half of the closet and moved everything to the guest bedroom.) I don't know what the heck is going on. Is he doing this to "wake me up"? He used that line before when I think of it. (years ago) He thinks because I have a bachelors degree I should be making more $$ than him... even though he's got a tech associates degree and has been working for a tech business for over 12 years and I've been at home most of that time! (I have a job now, but, it doesn't satisfy his requirements for a freaking BA degree. (I sometimes wish I never went! I still owe $$.) Last time he admitted to my mother that the ultimatum (years ago) he made backfired. It didn't put any fire under me to "grow up". I just got depressed and lost all confidence. (Then I got diagnosed severely hypothyroid... he said he felt like such an *******.) This time he all out said he was going to get a lawyer... along with all that mean stuff... WTH... What kind of reaction would he expect from me?! Ugh... I guess I'm just venting... I really don't know what to do... (OMG I hate arguing with people. I hate conflict while he's the exact opposite. He's like a freaking pitbull that latches on to something and doesn't let go till he kills it (relationships) or gets his way. Who says men can't be nags. Women get a bad rap.) Anyone else been in a similar situation? Edited February 28, 2011 by pksteph
cmh2002 Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 I'm starting to wonder if my husband is bipolar. I go to work this morning and during a break I check my phone. I get a text from him saying he's sorry and he doesn't want to break up our family... and to please put all my stuff back where it belongs. (I had cleared my half of the closet and moved everything to the guest bedroom.) I don't know what the heck is going on. Is he doing this to "wake me up"? He used that line before when I think of it. (years ago) He thinks because I have a bachelors degree I should be making more $$ than him... even though he's got a tech associates degree and has been working for a tech business for over 12 years and I've been at home most of that time! (I have a job now, but, it doesn't satisfy his requirements for a freaking BA degree. (I sometimes wish I never went! I still owe $$.) Last time he admitted to my mother that the ultimatum (years ago) he made backfired. It didn't put any fire under me to "grow up". I just got depressed and lost all confidence. (Then I got diagnosed severely hypothyroid... he said he felt like such an *******.) This time he all out said he was going to get a lawyer... along with all that mean stuff... WTH... What kind of reaction would he expect from me?! Ugh... I guess I'm just venting... I really don't know what to do... (OMG I hate arguing with people. I hate conflict while he's the exact opposite. He's like a freaking pitbull that latches on to something and doesn't let go till he kills it (relationships) or gets his way. Who says men can't be nags. Women get a bad rap.) Anyone else been in a similar situation? My husband is like that as well! He threatened on Friday night to divorce me because his brother was trying to cause a fight between me and him and told my husband that I was being a bitch and my husband doesn't want to lose his family. We got into it pretty bad cause he said all this crap before getting my side of what happened. Once he got my side he changed his tune when I showed him the conversation his brother and I had and it showed none of the crap his brother was saying, he then spent the weekend kissing up. For your situation have you tried marriage counseling with him?
What_Next Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Look for evidence of an affair. Back and forth behavior like this are classic signs. As for him calling you a moron, I recommend buying the Parmesan and proceeding to fill all the pockets on his best dress clothes before putting them in the dryer...
cmh2002 Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Look for evidence of an affair. Back and forth behavior like this are classic signs. As for him calling you a moron, I recommend buying the Parmesan and proceeding to fill all the pockets on his best dress clothes before putting them in the dryer... Love it! I would so love to do that to my husband but he would freak lol
willowthewisp Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Look for evidence of an affair. Back and forth behavior like this are classic signs. As for him calling you a moron, I recommend buying the Parmesan and proceeding to fill all the pockets on his best dress clothes before putting them in the dryer... Ohhhhh Like YOU!
Author pksteph Posted March 2, 2011 Author Posted March 2, 2011 My husband is like that as well! He threatened on Friday night to divorce me because his brother was trying to cause a fight between me and him and told my husband that I was being a bitch and my husband doesn't want to lose his family. We got into it pretty bad cause he said all this crap before getting my side of what happened. Once he got my side he changed his tune when I showed him the conversation his brother and I had and it showed none of the crap his brother was saying, he then spent the weekend kissing up. For your situation have you tried marriage counseling with him? It really sucks when people throw around the word Divorce like it's no big deal to them. No, we haven't tried marriage counseling. Probably should. I was reading about depression in males earlier today. The signs sounded A LOT like what he's been like. (If he did the last one he's lying to me.) Escapist behavior, such as spending a lot of time at work or on sportsAlcohol or substance abuseControlling, violent or abusive behaviorInappropriate angerRisky behavior, such as reckless drivingInfidelity or unhealthy sexual relationships I know I'm not perfect. I close up when I'm feeling trapped in a corner and bullied...Then I disengage. I've always been like this... it's practically been a survival method for moving as much as I did growing up (Army brat). There's one outgoing Steph for friends and another quieter/sadder Steph for people who show my husband's behavior. He has said to me, "you've changed since I first met you"... well... what can be expected?! (You'd think he'd understand at least somewhat. He grew up moving around the country as well.)
Author pksteph Posted March 2, 2011 Author Posted March 2, 2011 Look for evidence of an affair. Back and forth behavior like this are classic signs. As for him calling you a moron, I recommend buying the Parmesan and proceeding to fill all the pockets on his best dress clothes before putting them in the dryer... LOL I'll keep that in mind!
PollyIvy Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 I think it's great that you didn't feel devastated when he made his stupid announcement. You sound kind of angry and fed up to me.
robf1971 Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 . He also told me that he never loved me and that he had just married me because I got pregnant with our daughter. ! My situation, many of my friends situations, read enough of 'em on here are all remarkably similar. It's almost like there is a script for wayward spouses.
robf1971 Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 My husband of 11 years just told me this evening that he wants a divorce. He also told me that he never loved me and that he had just married me because I got pregnant with our daughter. ! That is so script Shakespear himself could have written it. Seriously, it's a proper history rewrite, they need to justify their actions. We've all heard it or variations on the same theme. In my situation it was "I've not been happy for 3 years". Total BS unless she's a really good actor..
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