Author maria gostrey Posted March 2, 2011 Author Posted March 2, 2011 Eventually you will find a guy and fall into a great relationship. Just make sure you don't marry the first one that fits and shows you attention. Make friends with the other women from the NGO internship, and as you spend time with them eventually you will meet the guys in their network. That is the easiest way for you. Alternately you could try online dating. Personally if you are in D.C. and working with a womens NGO.... that would be a huge turnoff for me... but I'm kind of picky so I'm not a good example. yeah thats a good suggestion. why would it be a turn off btw? its a really well established and reputable ngo, i'd think the opportunities and connections it would afford me are limitless.
Author maria gostrey Posted March 2, 2011 Author Posted March 2, 2011 Dear OP, you are attractive, you seem to have a good head on your shoulders, now don't go ruining all that by letting a desperate vibe take over! I must laugh at your sense of panic at age 23. I was in your shoes at that age, in fact I didn't have my first relationship until I was 27, and I didn't get married until I was 36. I can assure you that it's NOT all downhill from age 23 (which you seem to be worried about!) -- I was in the best health, spirits, and looks of my life in my mid thirties. My best advice is what others have said: go live your life, expand your social circle, and take heart - you are definitely not doomed. Washington can be a great place to meet men (I lived there for 3 years). Keep in mind, however, that if you let yourself think that you are doomed, you will send out an unattractive desperation vibe that will repel the good men that might otherwise be interested. thanks for the encouraging words. btw, do you know how to come across men in d.c? i'm very new to the d.c culture, obviously.
Woggle Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 yeah thats a good suggestion. why would it be a turn off btw? its a really well established and reputable ngo, i'd think the opportunities and connections it would afford me are limitless. It's because it is a woman's rights ngo and he does not have the best opinion of feminism. I used to share his view but as long your organization is not anti-male I have no issue with it. Like i said before you are only 23 and you are very much attractive and don't seem like an entitled princess so you should have no problem finding a quality man.
Author maria gostrey Posted March 2, 2011 Author Posted March 2, 2011 It's because it is a woman's rights ngo and he does not have the best opinion of feminism. I used to share his view but as long your organization is not anti-male I have no issue with it. Like i said before you are only 23 and you are very much attractive and don't seem like an entitled princess so you should have no problem finding a quality man. oh no, not at all! it works to strengthen and safeguard women's rights in developing countries and impoverished communities. thanks. that's sweet
sunshinegirl Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 thanks for the encouraging words. btw, do you know how to come across men in d.c? i'm very new to the d.c culture, obviously. I worked for an international NGO and often attended forums and meetings related to what we did - met lots of people that way. Got to know my coworkers (and some of their friends) by joining the softball team and going to happy hours. Got to know more people by joining a church group where I rubbed elbows with people who don't work in my field. Seriously, there are a ton of young people in Washington and there is no shortage of ways to meet them. Join a volleyball league, softball club, running club, biking group, outdoor adventure group, Smithsonian appreciation group (there must be a few of those!). See what's available on meetup.com in your area. There are lots of free lectures, concerts, other events - find some that interest you and go to those. Go to Screen on the Green in the summer. Go to the cultural festivals on the Mall. Get involved in one of the many road races in the area - if you're not a runner, become a volunteer. Spend time in Georgetown, U Street, Adams Morgan, wherever else the twenty-something crowd is hanging out these days.
Author maria gostrey Posted April 30, 2011 Author Posted April 30, 2011 im having one of my post-royal-wedding panic attacks. i just dont see how i will ever find a guy to love me. that it's been 24 years and i havent gotten a single guy to fall for me, in the cusp of my youth, to fall for me is reason enough to make me doubt that someone will suddenly find me worthy of living in the coming years...i'm just so depressed and feel alone tonight. also,do you guys think i should make out with this guy im not really attracted to, and have no intention of dating, just because he shows interest in me?i was holding out waiting for that perfect moment when a guy will give me butterflies but thats not happening. so should i just go ahead? this is me again btw, in case you suspect my looks have something to do with my perpetual loneliness. how should i change my appearance in order to look more attractive to guys?
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 I actually think that you should give that guy a go. Just go on a few dates and kiss him and see what happens...at the very least it will give you more experience & confidence.
vsmini Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 I know this is going to come off as extremely judgmental but you're asking for help/opinions so I'm going to give you my two cents based on what you've said. You seem really, really insecure. I was surprised that you said you were 23 as you should be starting to come into your own a little bit now. Insecurity is a huge turn off to a guy and even the dimwits can spot it a mile off. Use this time to work on yourself - that's why you have it. Find out what makes you great, what makes you tick and don't worry about a guy validating you. Youtube Madea gives relationship advice. She talks about a lot of this
Nexus One Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 (edited) i just dont see how i will ever find a guy to love me. that it's been 24 years and i havent gotten a single guy to fall for me, in the cusp of my youth, to fall for me is reason enough to make me doubt that someone will suddenly find me worthy of living in the coming years...i'm just so depressed and feel alone tonight. Have you tried internet dating? (watch out for men who only want sex though, as there are many of those out there on those websites) also,do you guys think i should make out with this guy im not really attracted to, and have no intention of dating, just because he shows interest in me?i was holding out waiting for that perfect moment when a guy will give me butterflies but thats not happening. so should i just go ahead? In my opinion, no. I don't see the point of that. I presume you want to be happy and I'm not sure that will make you happy. this is me again btw, in case you suspect my looks have something to do with my perpetual loneliness. You have some good things going for you from a man's perspective. Here are some pluses I can give you right of the bat: Your looks are above average, you're slender and you mentioned you are petite (a lot of guys really dig that), so your looks are not the problem. You're intelligent/knowledgeable (good education). The vibe I get from you is that you're a kind person, so that's a good thing too, just make sure nobody will take advantage of that in the wrong way. Insecurity is a huge turn off to a guy I disagree, that's not always the case. Some of the most beautiful women I've ever seen were insecure, it didn't make them any less attractive, it even had a cuteness factor to it. The thing with shyness is that it's harder for guys to get a sense of your personality when you're quiet a lot for example. Personality for me at least is the second most important thing after looks in order to be able to develop a crush on a girl. I can't develop a crush on a girl without knowing her personality. So shyness can elongate the process for a guy to develop a crush on you, because it would take a longer time to get a sense of your personality. Expressively happy girls get noticed more quickly. Happiness attracts and due to the fact that those girls often give more "output" than shy girls, those girls get noticed quicker and "convince" guys more quickly into developing a crush. Also smile at guys you like, it's the universal signal for men that you like them. I bet a month's wage that there are guys on this forum that would want to date you, but that's not the point here, you could get dates if you wanted. What you want is the butterflies, you want the real thing. And as I'm in the same boat as you regarding that point I can't disagree with you regarding that. It makes finding a compatible partner more difficult. Edited April 30, 2011 by Nexus One
Author maria gostrey Posted April 30, 2011 Author Posted April 30, 2011 Have you tried internet dating? (watch out for men who only want sex though, as there are many of those out there on those websites) Yes, I have in fact. I finally worked up the courage to meet this one guy off of there who seemed decent. He was much shorter in person than he said on his profile. and he was so awkward and socially inept and scared of me as if i was gonna bite or something lol. it was such a turn off! and most guys i have encountered there since are either socially inept or weird in some way. :\ In my opinion, no. I don't see the point of that. I presume you want to be happy and I'm not sure that will make you happy. No, it won't make me happy but it will at least get off my fear that in the middle of my youth my beauty and everything I offer isn't going to waste. that's my biggest fear and problem that nowadays when i'm supposed to be at my physical peak, there is no one around to appreciate it. by fooling around with him at least i'll b emaking use of my body? lol You have some good things going for you from a man's perspective. Here are some pluses I can give you right of the bat: Your looks are above average, you're slender and you mentioned you are petite (a lot of guys really dig that), so your looks are not the problem. You're intelligent/knowledgeable (good education). The vibe I get from you is that you're a kind person, so that's a good thing too, just make sure nobody will take advantage of that in the wrong way. thank you. you are sweet i just don't come in contact with a lot of guys tho unfortunately so i haven't had much chance to see what they'd think of me. I disagree, that's not always the case. Some of the most beautiful women I've ever seen were insecure, it didn't make them any less attractive, it even had a cuteness factor to it. The thing with shyness is that it's harder for guys to get a sense of your personality when you're quiet a lot for example. Personality for me at least is the second most important thing after looks in order to be able to develop a crush on a girl. I can't develop a crush on a girl without knowing her personality. So shyness can elongate the process for a guy to develop a crush on you, because it would take a longer time to get a sense of your personality. yes, i am insecure and am working through whatever issues i have. i'm not exactly shy tho...im known to be very friendly and chatty...again problem is, i dont encounter many guys during the day so i dont even get a chance to talk to any of them or hang with guys enough for them to develop a crush on me... Expressively happy girls get noticed more quickly. Happiness attracts and due to the fact that those girls often give more "output" than shy girls, those girls get noticed quicker and "convince" guys more quickly into developing a crush. Also smile at guys you like, it's the universal signal for men that you like them. lol. oh wow. really? i don't smile because i have braces. they are about to get off soon tho, so i will be free to show off my pearly whites haha. maybe then i will see an increase in guys who approach me
alethean Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 It seems like lack of opportunities is more your problem than your appearance. How can you meet guys if you don't really see any? And don't worry about the royal wedding; I'm sure lots of us girls feel a little down for not marrying Prince William. I hope you are able to find opportunities and that you meet a few guys you can relate to. Good luck!
Author maria gostrey Posted April 30, 2011 Author Posted April 30, 2011 It seems like lack of opportunities is more your problem than your appearance. How can you meet guys if you don't really see any? And don't worry about the royal wedding; I'm sure lots of us girls feel a little down for not marrying Prince William. I hope you are able to find opportunities and that you meet a few guys you can relate to. Good luck! thanks! yes, i currently have NO guys in my life. not even friends who are guys...its a really unfortunate position to be in :\ and so i remain alone and single...
Nexus One Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 thanks! yes, i currently have NO guys in my life. not even friends who are guys...its a really unfortunate position to be in :\ and so i remain alone and single... Have you tried meet-up groups? That way you could perhaps meet guys in your area who share similar interests. ( meetup.com )
cerridwen Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 To let a guy know you like him, most often all you need to do is look at him when there's no reason to and smile and make sure he notices, do it more than once if necessary. Some will get the hint and approach you, some will get the hint and will not approach you out of fear or whatever other reason, some will simply not get the hint and for those clueless and oblivious guys you might need to step up the "obviousness" and tell them that you like them. ^^Good, good advice. 1) Follow it 2) Also follow the advice of placing yourself among more men (through activities) and 3) No, don't make out with someone you're not into. It's a desperate move. Forgot to add: LOVE your exotic look!! Don't change a thing.
Recommended Posts