NG85 Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Hey all, I wanted to know if anyone could recommend some tips on how to craft a good opening letter to a woman on a dating site. I've been on one for the past 4 months and have met some girls off it, but I'm really not getting a high percentage of my messages responded to. In fact, I just checked my message history and I haven't sent a message out in about 3 weeks because I felt it was futile. Also, more specifically, I want to know what to write if it seems like the girls' profile says nothing at all. It seems like a lot of very pretty girls on these sites have the most bland, boring profiles. I'd like to meet them because of how they look, but I have absolutely nothing to say to them about their profiles. On the other hand, it also seems like I have a low success rate when I actually talk to them about specific things in their profiles! I seem to have more luck in real life getting a girl interested in me than online. It's almost like there's a whole different set of rules online than there is in person.
fishtaco Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 I seem to have more luck in real life getting a girl interested in me than online. It's almost like there's a whole different set of rules online than there is in person. Yup. That was exactly my experience. That's why I've completely quit online dating. The only thing I can tell you, is that online dating is even more of a number game than real life. It's based on how many women you can spam in a given period of time. So: 1) Do short messages. Long first messages creeps them out. Too much up front effort. 2) Make the messages relevant, mention a couple of random things from their profile, to prove that you read it. 3) Write the messages fast, don't waste time. Because most of the time, they won't respond anyway. Perhaps have a template, and swap out certain portions of it to match their profile. 4) Target women that have recently signed up as opposed to long time veterans. They have a higher percentage of actually replying. The reason for this is, really the only thing that matter is your picture. The message is for calling out attention to yourself, while not dropping the ball, so writing a pulitzer prize winning message won't do anything. And recently, after reading a racial study done by OKC, black women get no love when it comes to online dating. They get contacted the least, and they respond the most. So hit up on black girls. But bottom line, don't do it. It's a lot of effort for very little return. That's my take on it. Others might have different advice.
Author NG85 Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 Thanks for the tips, Fishtaco. Unfortunately I live in an area where there aren't many people in my age range (mid-20's), so I've resorted to online dating to find people. I signed up for the dating site I currently use about 3 years ago, and I got a lot of messages responded to, and even had women message me. I even met my last girlfriend of 2 years on there. But the site lost its magic now. I get a lot less email responses, and even if they do respond a lot of them just stop writing, or delete their profiles. Meeting people in person seems a lot more agreeable, but I don't get out much and like I mentioned before, I live in an area not very suitable to people in my age range. So online dating it is!
D-Lish Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 It seems like a lot of very pretty girls on these sites have the most bland, boring profiles. I'd like to meet them because of how they look, Unfortunately, there is no "perfect" first contact introduction. As much as you are basing your inclination to contact someone based on your level of attractiveness to their pics, they are most likely doing the same. This is especially true when it comes to the "attractive" women with bland profiles. Most likely, these girls aren't writing much because they don't have to (because they are getting attention without including substance, simply because they have great pics). My advice to you is to make the most out of your profile. Have some good pictures, keep the body of your profile positive, and when you contact someone for the first time, don't worry about writing a novel or coming up with a witty introduction. A woman that doesn't say much in her profile and is seeking attention based soley on her pics probably isn't looking for substance in others either IMO. So, there would be little point in crafting a "perfect" first letter- because they are probably just viewing your pics, and basing their interest on that, just as you are. I was fine with a guy simply saying, "hey, how are you? I'd love to hear back from you". I'd decide whether or not to respond after I viewed their pics and read their profile anyway.
TouchedByViolet Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 And recently, after reading a racial study done by OKC, black women get no love when it comes to online dating. They get contacted the least, and they respond the most. So hit up on black girls. I heard this somewhere before and personally believe it to be misleading. I live in a very diverse area with a large African American population. I also find women of said chocolate flavor rather yummy, BUT a significant majority of these women who are online dating are over weight. More so than other ethnicities, which i believe to be the main culprit, just saying.
SmileFace Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 (edited) I heard this somewhere before and personally believe it to be misleading. I live in a very diverse area with a large African American population. I also find women of said chocolate flavor rather yummy, BUT a significant majority of these women who are online dating are over weight. More so than other ethnicities, which i believe to be the main culprit, just saying. It is true in my case. I am black and not overweight - and get no where near as much messages as people claim women get. I live in a hugely diverse area but I did have more luck when I lived in a bigger city .Then again that is just me but I do get more message than I can deal with.It doesn't matter to me - however most of my messages seem to be "Never been with a girl before". Edited March 1, 2011 by SmileFace
Nexus One Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Yup. That was exactly my experience. That's why I've completely quit online dating. The only thing I can tell you, is that online dating is even more of a number game than real life. It's based on how many women you can spam in a given period of time. So: 1) Do short messages. Long first messages creeps them out. Too much up front effort. 2) Make the messages relevant, mention a couple of random things from their profile, to prove that you read it. 3) Write the messages fast, don't waste time. Because most of the time, they won't respond anyway. Perhaps have a template, and swap out certain portions of it to match their profile. 4) Target women that have recently signed up as opposed to long time veterans. They have a higher percentage of actually replying. The reason for this is, really the only thing that matter is your picture. The message is for calling out attention to yourself, while not dropping the ball, so writing a pulitzer prize winning message won't do anything. And recently, after reading a racial study done by OKC, black women get no love when it comes to online dating. They get contacted the least, and they respond the most. So hit up on black girls. But bottom line, don't do it. It's a lot of effort for very little return. That's my take on it. Others might have different advice. Informative reply.
TouchedByViolet Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 It is true in my case. I am black and not overweight - and get no where near as much messages as people claim women get. I live in a hugely diverse area but I did have more luck when I lived in a bigger city .Then again that is just me but I do get more message than I can deal with.It doesn't matter to me - however most of my messages seem to be "Never been with a girl before". Hmm... do you get 50 emails a week or a 100 and 50? I get zero
SmileFace Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Hmm... do you get 50 emails a week or a 100 and 50? I get zero Yeah , that is why I say it doesn't bother me. It will be silly to complain about receiving 20 messages versus 100.
fishtaco Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 I heard this somewhere before and personally believe it to be misleading. I live in a very diverse area with a large African American population. I also find women of said chocolate flavor rather yummy, BUT a significant majority of these women who are online dating are over weight. More so than other ethnicities, which i believe to be the main culprit, just saying. Well, preference in online dating is disconnected from real life period. It's not just black women. Hispanic women (my favorite) are the least likely to respond to Asian men (me), according to the same OKC study. And my online experience reflected that. But in real life, I do just fine with Latinas. Recently, the last group of women I multi-dated, consisted of two Mexican women and a black woman. I'm currently on my way to get serious with one of the Mexican women. If all goes well, hopefully she'll become my girlfriend. And unsurprisingly, I'm the first Asian man she's been with. Sure, Latinas don't go out of their way and say "I want to get me an Asian man", but then, who does? Even Asian women don't "want" Asian men. All I need is a fair chance. I don't need any bonuses. And I get that in real life. If I approach a Latina, even though she doesn't have a preference for Asian men, usually she will give me a fair chance to prove myself anyway. And that's all I ask for. Online, I get chopped immediately. Online dating and real life dating, even at the same geographic location, are different. Different culture, different preferences, which results in the need for different techniques and different strategies. I've tried online, as per my post, I think it's fair to conclude that I did look into it. And my results were uninspiring to say the least. My time is really better spent elsewhere.
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