Stilicho Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 so, ill quickly give some background info, but if anybody wants to see the break up story, check my profile, and check my posts. basically, at the end of this past december, my ex of gf of over 2 yrs cheated on me, we broke up, and she ran to the lowlife, drug user she cheated on me with. after a few weeks of lc, i imposed a month long period of NC, which had to end the beginning of this month, as we go to college together, and she is in a class of mine. so, at first i tried to keep it going, but, she made an effort to keep running into me, or an attempt to start conversation. after an intitial period of awkwardness, we eventually talked about what happened, and she woulld say how she regrets everything, wishes none of it happened, wishes she wouldve talked to me about everything so we were still together, was sorry, etc, all the usual. but, she is still seeing this guy, and says shes happy. good for her. but, the ex insists on texting me everyday, calls me, asks my plans pretty much everynight. when we see each other at school, shes super flirty, tries to run her hand through my hair, plays with my zippers, is very touchy, makes little comments, like "how come u didnt work out this much when we were together?" and than grab my arms. will try to bring me different things, like food or drinks, liike the other day, she brought me a XXX vitamin water, which she would always buy for me when we were together. basically, as time goes by, and i act more indifferent and non plussed about her, she seems to try harder to make me want her again or something. but only sends mixed signals by still being w this loser. now, i do love this girl, but in my heart, i know it would never work out unless there was 100% effort on both sides, and im not sure if she deserves it on my part, or if she could do it herself, or if i even want to anymore. she asked me to hang out with her after work this upcoming saturday, and as of now, im planning to basically flip the tables and tell her to never speak to me again, but, if she makes an attempt to get back together, i.e trying to kiss me, etc, should i play it differently, maybe revenge? maybe try to work things out? original plan? idk....
Johnny85 Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Hey bro, Why did she cheat on you? Even though cheating removes trust and loyalty from a relationship, which are very important elements, I tend to believe that things happen for a reason. Have you cheated on her, been emotionally unavailable? Were the two of you sincerely happy in your relationship? I would take a time out and really think about these things very carefully. That is what I am doing myself. I can only give you advice from my own experience so please take my advice with a grain of salt and see if you can apply this to your own situation. Basically, I believe you are moving into the friendship zone. You are making yourself available to her when she needs you, responding to her text messages and giving her the satisfaction of having her new boyfriend give her satisfaction, while at the same time also getting it from you. As long as you are emotionally available to her, nothing will ever change. You need to allow her to miss you, and if she still cares about you, I guarantee you that she will. In addition, there is a variable here that I haven't factored in, which is her new boyfriend. Until they breakup, there is really nothing you can do to change her mind. Time makes the heart grow fonder. And this next piece of advice is counterintuitive, but if you allow yourself to give up hope and lose her, she will grow more attracted to you. Finally, my advice to you is to focus on yourself and with time you may realize that she is not worth all the trouble. I am slowly realizing this myself about my ex girlfriend. I am very much in the same situation as you, and I know how hard it is to forget and sometimes we see things differently than they really are. It is very easy for the mind to believe what it wants to believe. So don't allow yourself to picture her as someone she is not. Giving yourself some time to see this whole situation from a neutral perspective is the wisest thing you could do for yourself right now. And she cheated on you, regardless if there was a reason or not. Ironically, I need to follow this advice myself, and it is so hard sometimes, especially when loneliness kicks in. Good luck to ya buddy!
Author Stilicho Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 1st off, i never cheated on her, i was always available, emotional and otherwise. sometimes people just cheat, and thats it, it bc theyre selfish. I have given up hope, i used to pine for her, but everyday i see how im better off in the long run. now, whatever happens saturday, will obviously dictate what happens next, but as of now, im planning on telling her to stop talking to me. its funny how when you get over your ex, they seem to start weaseling their way back in somehow. i do enjoy talking to her still, but i am nobodys back up. any body have any insight/advice for me?
ladii Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 (edited) She is showing NO change...she cheated on you...and is now with this new guy...and now look what she is doing...being extremely flirty with you even though she has a new guy... You are rare to have now...she no longer has the opportunity to *enjoy* you anymore...she lost that privledge the minute she slept with someone else... Don't sell yourself short and don't make it easy for her to slide herself back to you so easily...don't answer her texts contacts...or whatever...for you are showing that it was ok for her to cheat...that the past is the past...no she needs to *feel* how life sucks without you in it...she needs to be sorrowful...right now she is probably thinking "I can just hand him his special drink...touch his hair and he will cream for me" no screw that...let her feel the loss...cut her dry like she did to you... Do you see what she is doing ?? she is using herself to seduce you mentally/physically [slight touches]...to try and charm you again...she is the pauper now...let her have a taste of what she put you through... Edited February 28, 2011 by ladii
Author Stilicho Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 by cheating, i meant she kissed the guy, she didnt sleep with him, and still claims she hasnt, and yes, i see your point, i think on saturday i will cut her loose(again). who knows what her reaction will be. just today she texted me on 3 seperate occasions, did not respond, and she tried to give me a thermos of coffee and some snacks she brought from home for me. idk what goes through her head.
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