RubyGirl Posted March 29, 2004 Posted March 29, 2004 I have been friends with this guy for two years, and for the past 6 months we have had a casual relationship. Things were progressing and we were spending more and more time together, moving into what I thought was a committed relationship. I was definately falling in love with him. Well I stayed over at his place on the weekend and on the second night he started telling me about his plans to go overseas for 6 months in July. He was all excited about it and told me that he needed to escape in order to rediscover his priorities and what he wanted in life. I was supportive at first but as the reality of it sunk in (as did all the alcohol I had consumed), I kinda flipped out. At first I was angry and gave him the silent treatment, then when that was too much I began crying and couldn't stop. I felt like he couldn't care less about me and everything I had been hoping for the future was based on the false illusion that he felt the same way about me as I did about him. I told him all of this. All he said back was that he needed to travel to find himself and that he couldn't make any promises for the future. He referred to me as his "friend", who he cares a lot for, and never even said he would miss me - just that he would probably end up coming back because he missed "the city". Well I calmed down eventually, and apologised for my outburst. He told me I was being unfair on him. I am just devesated by this news and am an emotional wreck. I really thought we had something special and that this year would see us become a couple. Then he decides to leave without even factoring me into the equation. I want to leave him but he is too important to me and I can't do something just for spite. Maybe that is pathetic. Do you think there is still hope that he will want to be with me when he gets back?? Or do you think his actions show that I was deluded to ever think he cared about me as much as I do about him?
overseas2004 Posted March 29, 2004 Posted March 29, 2004 I think he may care about you certainly but I think he does not want to commit and he never allowed himself to have the level or range of emotions you allowed yourself to have. YOu were not in his plans or visions. You need to break up with him but not because of spite. You need to break up with him because being with him while he feels one way and you feel something way more deeper is very damaging to the human heart. You will just feel bad with him from now to July because you will know in your heart that your emotions are not being returned full force. Why would you want to do that to yourself? Isn't it better to end the pain now than to prolong this to July? If you end it now you will prbably be ok by July and ready to date. If you wait to July you may waste the rest of your summer in tears? You already know this relationship isn't going anywhere? Why waste the extra time. Aren't you important to yourself???? Good luck and let us know what you did? And sorry for your loss.... I know how tough it is. I am going through the same thing. Take care
kittykat Posted March 29, 2004 Posted March 29, 2004 Hi Ruby, I would say that your feelings are real and they will haunt you for a bit. I know what your going through I myself have been there and lost the guy I was hoping to spend the rest of my life with. As harsh as this may sound alot of guys don't think about how their actions affect us and the sooner you and he break up the better. Honey I know all about being with someone who's not into being with you. You are better that that as a human being. The thing is, you need to let him go regardless of how much it will hurt you. I have noticed that guys are more proned to learn after the fact that what they did was a mistake and usually it's too late by then to fix it. Don't EVER sell yourself short. You are the most important person in your life and you deserve to be with someone who shares your feelings. My strongest belief in this life is that everything happens for a reason, and if your meant to be with him for the rest of your life, then it will happen. Let him go if he comes back you were meant to be, if not you learn and you find out he was never your in the first place. I also really believe that we are only given as much as we can handle in this life and you are a woman and I know you can get through this honey Take care and lots of luck..let us know how it goes..........from kittykat
lisapisa Posted April 1, 2004 Posted April 1, 2004 Look...a very similar thing happened to me many years ago. I was falling in love but not looking toward the future, just having fun. I could feel that he WAS in love with me. Then he pulled the plug and announced that he was moving. He played games, move with me, don't move with me. He told me he cried the whole way home after breaking up with me. He told me he didn't want a LD relationship, that HE would get hurt. He called me for a year everytime he was drinking and told me how much he missed me. Then he came up to visit and completely blew me off. Your best tactic is what I should have done so many years ago. Be sober. Tell him you wish him the best of luck. That you are sorry he is leaving, because you really enjoy his company and you are really going to miss him. If you love him, tell him so. Keep it short, keep it simple, and do it somewhere where YOU can be the one to leave, and leave first, with dignity. Hey, if it's for real, he'll be back. In the meantime, pursue your own dreams. And you would not want to continue with a guy who is going to have a midlife crisis at 40 and run off with another woman. Let him find himself...he sounds a bit lost! Someday he will regret losing you if that happens. Live a life so wonderful that you regret nothing and have no time to mourn over him.
Renny_H Posted April 1, 2004 Posted April 1, 2004 Hi, I’m a guy. Look out. I told my ex-girlfriend off sometimes. Was assertive in order to get her to leave me alone so I could think about why I’m spending my life with her, and what my ambitions are to help both of us. Don’t worry, Ruby. Don’t rely on him. That’s why you’re an emotional wreck. Love is one thing; you’ve got to have your own goals and visions too. He might not like you depending on him all the time, that’s why he wants space. LOTS OF SPACE. Respect his decision, but be strong-willed and understand the relationship has only gone on for two years, and it’s not the end of the world. I sense you don’t have much going for you without him. I might be wrong. I feel it’s unlikely he’ll dump you and take off forever. He probably just has the s***s with something that you don’t know about, that he’s protecting you from, and that’s why he’s shutting you out, worrying about himself. On the other hand, the problem might be entirely YOU. Did you say anything that turned him off? Has he been noticing other girls, buying porn, checking stock? Do you wear glasses? All of these opinions are relative to a similar instance with my ex-girlfriend. I told her, “Girls without their own personal ambition are dull.” I can’t judge you though, Ruby. I’m just telling you what I’ve experienced.
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