Tybalt Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 What a great site and a supportive group of people! I'm at the place where I don't want to keep bringing up the latest behavior of my ex to my friends because they are tired of hearing about him, so here I am. I am 20 years younger than my ex, but sometimes I feel like I'm the mature one, lol. I have known him for many years and we have a connection outside of our recent relationship (a connection which I am working on changing), so for now I cannot block him completely or allow things to get adversarial. He was going through a divorce when we got together, which was the first error in judgment on my part. He was very needy and at times I felt like a pseudo-therapist. However, we had good times as well. At one point he became very demanding and I felt as if he simply did not hear my needs and wants when I expressed them. I was going through some extreme trials in my own life, and I did not feel I could give what he seemed to need. So, I told him this and I backed away for a few months while he engaged in semi-obsessive behavior (emailing, texting, sending me flowers and letters), while I was mostly unresponsive. Eventually, these behaviors ceased and I felt more comfortable with contact again. We started spending time together and became intimate again (another error in judgment on my part). I suppose I was hoping that the time apart, and the easing of our respective life crises would give us a chance to create a new kind of relationship. He told me initially that he had reconnected with a long ago ex, and that they were spending time together as purely platonic friends. Over a month and a half, I began to suspect there was more to it. Though I had refused to commit to a relationship with him until I could see that we'd be healthier together, I told him I wanted to work toward it. However, this was not to be. While seeing me, he began sleeping with his platonic ex, and I finally extracted this information from him. While technically he had done nothing "wrong" since we weren't officially recommitted, it was still a very painful realization for me. Of course, he told me he still wanted to be friends and spend time together. He told me he is in love with me, doesn't love her, and that they have no future together. Er, ok, but he chose her over working through things with me. Actions, actions, actions. In hindsight, I think my hesitation to commit again definitely had to do with the presence of a third party. He has continued to email me over the past two weeks since this "second breakup." I blocked him on facebook and deleted his number (keeping it in a file on my computer in case I need to contact him with respect to our other connection), and deleted him from my contacts on email, but I receive almost daily emails telling me how much he values us, our communication, how he is trying to understand me, etc. He told me he feels he has more clarity now to explain his actions, but I responded that I need to heal and that seems like unnecessary pain at this point. I also said that I doubted his new girlfriend would appreciate his communications with me, and that I respect other people's relationships and this is another reason why I don't want to talk. In short, I am trying to get over it, but the repeated contact is setting me back. My friends remind me that he doesn't really care about me, only his needs since he isn't respecting my need to back away, and that is good to remember. But since I can't turn this into a "fight" due to our other connection, I am trying to figure out the best way to handle this. Any thoughts would be welcome.
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