makelemonade1974 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Met a guy at a show. He asked for my phone number. Cute guy - my type - artsy, musician. He's 24 and uh I'm a lot older than 24, but oh well. Just got out of a bad breakup and am really looking for a short-term casual thing, but I still want to be treated respectfully. He asked for my phone number and I gave him my email - didn't feel great about giving out my number to strange man. Didn't hear from him until a week later. He says he's out of town that weekend but can we get together next weekend? So, I email back that Sat night would work for me. Then I got another email that his parents and grandparents are coming to town and he has to host his grandmother's birthday party, so he won't be available until 'maybe' Sunday. I guess he doesn't go out during the week - I don't know. The 'maybe' thing as well as the 'grandmother' was a bit of a red flag for me. I teach at a university and a lot of my students use their grandmothers to avoid turning things in on time. Part of me thinks I shouldn't even answer because he seems so flaky. If he's really interested he'll email again, right? Not wanting to play games, I just think you teach people how to treat you and I don't want to be on the back burner necessarily, even though I just want a casual thing. Am I being too suspicious? If so, why "maybe" I'll be available Sunday?
carhill Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Sounds like Diesel's rotation magazine to me. About the right age too. OTOH, 'casual' is just that, low expectations. Whatever happens, happens....
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I'm getting the feeling, from your description, that he really doesn't want to date you. At least, if I was interested in a girl, I wouldn't be tossing out "maybe's." Either that, or he is dating multiple women, and you're just an option.
jane100 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I loved Carhill's post, I'm getting a few laughs on LS tonight (for a change ). But like LeaningIntotheMuse, I do not like that weasle word "maybe", no likee at all.
Author makelemonade1974 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 Yeah, I'm not real anxious to make excuses for him. I'm not responding. If he wants to go out, he'll email again. Too bad, cute guy.
january2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 He could also be playing 'hard to get' or just trying to keep the communication flowing between the two of you while he sorts his life out. Since you appear to want something more concrete, I suggest telling him that you appreciate hearing from him but perhaps it's best that he contacts you when he's sorted out what he needs to sort out, so that you can set a more definite date to get together. Then just move on and if he contacts you again, it's a bonus, if not, it's no big deal.
Author makelemonade1974 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 Well, I emailed back on the advice of my gay friend (who I don't think I should be taking advice from because his relationship is messed UP). But anyhoo - something to the effect of - good luck with your grandmother, etc. Email or text me when you have an actual day and time and I'll see if it will work with my schedule. I added some niceties so it didn't come off too b*tchy - hopefully it will squelch the back and forth I-don't-know-what-the-heck-is-going-on emails. Can someone please send a hot, mid-20's or 30's dark-haired man over here so I can have me some luhvin? I don't like being single. It's lame.
Cee Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I would give him your phone number. Setting up a date via email is cumbersome and eliminates the possibility of developing rapport. Call me old fashioned, but I prefer the telephone to text/IM/email/Facebook, etc, in setting up dates. I think the sooner you talk and set up a date, the better. It seems like this opportunity is about to fade out, if it hasn't already. But no worries, there are plenty of potential partners available when you are ready.
carhill Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 OP, my advice is, if casual is your goal, to take advantage of opportunities as they present themselves, without all the machinations of dates, exchanging numbers, dealing with nebulous texts, etc. Take advantage of the moment and go with it, forgetting about the future and 'whatever'.
Author makelemonade1974 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 So you just bring some stranger to your house on the first night you meet them or vice versa? And then you exchange bodily fluids? Nah, I'd rather put up with a little BS just to make sure they are decent.
dispatch3d Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 He asked for a number, you gave him your email. Lol. Girls where I'm from give out their number like it's their job. I can't believe he actually emailed you at all haha.
Author makelemonade1974 Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 I don't own a cell. It's a political statement lol - plus I don't feel the need or desire to have one. I have children and I share custody with my ex and they sometimes live at home. Nobody's getting my home number unless I trust them. Sorry if it seems weird. Got an email from the boy apologizing in great length for being flaky, darling thing. He's busy and in the process of moving. Seemed very nice. I tend to be cautious with dating these days . . .
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