My Break Up Story, the early mistakes I have made, and where to go from here?

[Strength of Heart]

Hello everyone, I am new to this forum and am hoping some of you can help.

 

Me and my Girlfriend of 2 and a 1/2 years just broke up last Friday after a long discussion about what was going on. She had pretty much said that she didn't know what her heart wanted, part of it wanted to be with me and the other half wanted to be on her own. I kind of tried to fight that thought of hers at first, then eventually agreed that I think a break up was needed so she could figure out where she was and what she wanted. The week previous to breaking up, we had decided to take a "break". The first two days of the break I cracked and contacted her anyways, telling her I was upset and that it didn't feel right. The third day I finally didn't contact her, it was Valentines Day, and she texted me at the middle of the day to check up on me and tell me how she was doing. I told her I wanted to respect her space and wasn't going to contact her from that point on, she ended up calling me later that night, crying, and said she missed me and we got back together. Big mistake obviously, that was hardly enough time for her to figure out her feelings and we both jumped on the opportunity to stop the break without realizing that those mixed feelings would be back. And that is what lead to the break up...

 

Following the break up I knew deep down that she needed her space, but I kept cracking and contacting her begging, telling her how upset I was, and just all the stuff I wasn't supposed to do.

 

Night of the Break Up: I texted her after leaving a party with my friends telling her how terrible the party was and that I was really upset and had to drive my drunk friends home now, she asked if I was okay and I said I'm terrible.

 

Night after the break up: I texted her, she was really drunk at a party, this got my very emotional to the point that I called her telling her how upset I was, was wondering why she was getting wasted the night after the break up. She responded angrily at times, I responded angrily at times, she eventually hung up. She later texted me saying "I'm sorry, I love you" and then called apologizing for everything and how she didn't mean to hurt me, and even said I love you before hanging up. In the morning of that day we said we'll take this day by day and I said I hope we end up back together, and she said I do too. I wish I left off on that note now.

 

The next morning: She texted me about last night, apologizing for whatever she said when she was drunk, explained how our relationship was stung badly, and said who knows if we'll end up back together. I responded by saying something along the lines of that I think she needs to grow up a bit more and know what she wants, that I would give her the space and stuff. She said that I was 15 steps ahead of her (Maturity wise).

 

Other mistakes I've made? I saw on her FB wall that another guy was like "Did you have a good time last night Sunshine?" and they proceeded to converse acting like they had sex, went on a date to applebees, so on and so forth. I was upset and angry, yet held back from messaging her. Instead I deleted her from Facebook. She noticed the next morning and texted me, saying she knows why I deleted her and told me it was all a joke. She said that guy is a friend of her older brothers, they work together, and they were playing a prank on another worker to make that kid think they were dating. She said she has no intentions of getting with anyone else for awhile and would never do that. I said thanks for the apology, because I barely slept that night, missed school the next day, and my mom cried when she saw the conversation as well wondering how one could do something like that. Then I told her I hope she was doing well, that I was handling things pretty good and I'm pretty much just doing a lot of things for myself, going to the gym, being more social and going to parties, and keeping myself company with friends. I then told her I missed her but that I know she needs time and space and that I have learned to respect that. I also said I hope after awhile we could maybe go out and get a bite to eat or go to dance club and catch up. She said she has been doing good too and that shes been going to the gym and just going out more to stay busy, and said that yea maybe we can go for a bite to eat or dancing sometime soon.

 

The next day, for some stupid reason, I asked her if she was free any time soon and if she wanted to get lunch. I said I understand if she is not ready, but if she wants then just give a time and date. She texted back saying she was not ready for it and shes working all weekend. I said no problem! Have a good day!

 

After doing much research, I've finally realized that I just need to break contact with her for now. Have I made too many mistakes already? She has shown signs of missing me, I read a survey of hers from Tuesday on Facebook and here are some hinting questions and answers.

 

What would you change about your life right now?

i dont really know.

 

What's currently bothering you?

too much.

 

When' s the last time you cried?

yesterday

 

Do you miss anyone?

yea i do

 

Is there someone that you miss being close with?

yea

 

How's your heart?

****ed up

 

If the last person that you kissed said they wanted to marry you, what would you say?

not now lol

 

 

My big dilemma is how do I cut off contact after asking her out to lunch yesterday? Will this flip that "Switch" in her brain that the previous day I was asking her out to lunch and now I'm seemingly not phased by the situation? Do I simply not say anything from today on or do I write her one of those "NC messages" stating that I agree with the break up, I need some time to make big decisions, and that I would appreciate it if she does not contact me?

 

I'm ready starting today to start NC, but I just need to know how I should do it from the point I am positioned at. I recently left off on a good note about giving her her space after making a few mistakes, so I just need to know if I tell her I need time or if I just disappear like a stranger.

 

Also, if she eventually does contact me, what to I say if anything? I've heard that you DO respond but don't sound too interested or anything, let them really chase you down before you give them the time of the day. And if she doesn't contact me after a month? Where do I go from there? How do I break the ice and contact her and what if she rejects it?

 

I know the point of NC is to hope for the best, prepare for the worst in your heart and mind. I am starting to read a book about moving on, so if this doesn't work out then I can move onward with my life.

 

Thanks for listening and I hope I get some useful feedback! Off to the gym I go!

[gator12]

Start of reading my guide, it sums up the advice I'd give you int his situation. Yes you did mess up but at least you realized it and are not committing to no contact. The key to NC though is to work on you and any issues you may have had during the relationship. Don't go in there thinking you want your ex back as soon as possible, the longer the better. Pay special attention to the part about crumbs too. If you have any questions feel free to ask.

 

-Gator