youhadme Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I need some advice on the best approach on this.... thanks in advance for any feedback! I met a guy at a book club back in October. I was just getting over a break up so wasn't really interested in anything, but he pursued me and eventually we went out as friends and then became a little more. Nothing but casual. We would meet up whenever convenient. A couple of months ago, although we were still friends and would talk, he wouldn't try to meet up outside of the book club anymore. Very disappointing, but I kept it cool and acted as i didn't even notice there was a shift in anything. Well its been a couple months now, and we are still friends, he still texts me (not as often) and if I miss our club meeting he will send me a text telling me he misses me, etc. Once in awhile he will still say, we need to meet for coffee (like we used to) but that never goes anywhere. One of us doesn't follow through and we never connect. I'm so tired of this! it's as he is stringing me along and I am on the the back burner. I know through a friend for a time he was pursuing an ex, but I am not sure how that is going. (Hopefully bad!). My friends say his interest if any is pretty low, but again he still initiates all contact but not at all at the same level as before. I am thinking of fading out for awhile, stop going to the club, not return any texts and just go ghost. Is this a good approach? I don't mean for long, maybe a month or so. I think this way he may miss me, think he lost me and he can figure out what he wants. I think him knowing he will see me every week, makes seeing me out of the club less of a priority? Or should i continue to hang around and be fun around him and see what happens? Thanks for any advice...if anyone has a success story of gainging someone's interest again please share!
jane100 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Cut back on texts, big time? Only speak on the phone/ meet in person? I do think its hard to change dynamics (e.g. text-speaking) once established but you could try.
Survivor12 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 "Once in awhile he will still say, we need to meet for coffee (like we used to) but that never goes anywhere. One of us doesn't follow through and we never connect. " If HE says it, it seems that he may be waiting for YOU to follow through. Have you responded to his invitation by saying something like, "I would like that. Is tomorrow or xxxx best for you?"
SingVoice Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Sounds like you guys didn't really have a relationship. So chances are you were just FWB right? So it's only natural that at some point one of you is going to start pursuing someone else. My advice is just back off. You didn't have any commitment to him.
Author youhadme Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 "Have you responded to his invitation by saying something like, "I would like that. Is tomorrow or xxxx best for you?" Yes I have...last time we discussed, had a plan, he cancellled on me. Then next time I purposely missed the meeting. I know I am definitely being strung along although I have let him know that i am still somewhat interested. I have put out what I get....lukewarm interest. SingVoice - No, I don't consider it to be a fwb situation and know I don't have any committment to him. What I am trying to do is have a strategy. Life and dating is somewhat a game I guess and I want to hear views on what is the best way to have any chance to take things to a different level.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Game or not, you're too available for him. If you do not engage him, he will easily find his way back to you. In the meantime, meet men who are higher in interests= level.
Author youhadme Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 Game or not, you're too available for him. If you do not engage him, he will easily find his way back to you. I know I probably was, he probably easily read me. In any case, yes I do believe he will find his way back to me....he always has, I will surely receive a text or something (remember I'm being strung along). But hence my dilemma--what do i do? Drop off for awhile? Men, do yo think you would be put off by this or do you think there's a chance to resurrect any past feelings? Could any good come of this? Or should i just continue going, act normal and see if he is ever serious about getting together anymore? Thank you for your replies....but please i need advice!
xpaperxcutx Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I know I probably was, he probably easily read me. In any case, yes I do believe he will find his way back to me....he always has, I will surely receive a text or something (remember I'm being strung along). But hence my dilemma--what do i do? Drop off for awhile? Men, do yo think you would be put off by this or do you think there's a chance to resurrect any past feelings? Could any good come of this? Or should i just continue going, act normal and see if he is ever serious about getting together anymore? Thank you for your replies....but please i need advice! You cannot dictate his feelings for you so the only thing you can focus on is your own. How do you feel? Do you feel his actions are justified? How do you expect to be treated? How do you want to be treated? If you can answer these questions, hopefully your answer will help you realize that his behaviour does coincide with the way you want to be treated.
yellowhibiscus Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I am going through the same thing. I think the best thing to do would be to back off a bit and see if he really wants you. Be less available to him and don't look too easy. If he is still being wishy-washy then you can certainly just ignore it or say you want to be friends. That's my plan atleast
Author youhadme Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 How do you feel? Do you feel his actions are justified? How do you expect to be treated? How do you want to be treated? If you can answer these questions, hopefully your answer will help you realize that his behaviour does coincide with the way you want to be treated. Whaaat? Huh? I wanted to be treated well! As everyone does, a priority perhaps? How does his behaviour coincide with how I want to be treated? I guess I am not following....
Author youhadme Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 yellowhibiscus: "I am going through the same thing. I think the best thing to do would be to back off a bit and see if he really wants you" I'm sorry you are going through the same thing..this is definitley no fun. But the plan i am considering is vanishing for awhile, not backing off a bit. I tried that, mirrorred his efforts and for now it has gotten me nowhere. i was just wondering if anyone thought this would be a good idea and would work to get his interest level up again. Or would it just backfire?
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