turokturok5 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 This will probably be one of the last posts i make as im getting ready to move on! Starting uni tomorrow, gives me the opportunity to meet new people and consume lots of free time. I've been giving my break-up a lot of thought, just to refresh your memory She dumped me after 2 months for being too clingy. I was pretty shocked, didnt know what to make of it and pretty much paniced and told her i loved her and such and tried to win her back, she said it couldn't happen. It's been a month, 2 weeks of NC and ive given it a lot of thought. Sure, it wasn't a good idea to tell her i was lucky to have her and i was afraid of losing her, then again, she had some flaws which i really didnt like and was hoping she would become more comfortable and lose them, i just liked her for so long that i couldn't break it off. I do wish she would've told me my clingyness was a problem though and accepted my offer of space, but why she didnt, i will never know. Despite the fact i deleted her off facebook, i was thinking of sending her a message just saying ; "I understand why you did it, and i want to thank you for not stringing me along and doing what i couldn't. Ill cya around" And then ill go NC. Should i go for it and possibly open up the opportunity for friendship later on, or should i just stick around in NC. Thanks !
Graceful Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 First, congrats on doing so well so soon after the breakup. I do remember reading some of your posts about being clingy, and along with that, not having a lot of experience with relationships just yet (and neither has your ex) --- so you're both young. This will probably be one of the last posts i make as im getting ready to move on! Starting uni tomorrow, gives me the opportunity to meet new people and consume lots of free time. I've been giving my break-up a lot of thought, just to refresh your memory She dumped me after 2 months for being too clingy. I was pretty shocked, didnt know what to make of it and pretty much paniced and told her i loved her and such and tried to win her back, she said it couldn't happen. Also, want to wish you luck starting uni tomorrow. That's going to be very exciting for you and it will definitely open up a whole new sphere to meet people. Despite the fact i deleted her off facebook, i was thinking of sending her a message just saying ; "I understand why you did it, and i want to thank you for not stringing me along and doing what i couldn't. Ill cya around" And then ill go NC.This is a tough question. But do NOT, I repeat, do NOT THANK HER! If you want to say anything at all, then just say "I understand why you broke up with me and it did turn out to be for the best." But no thank you from you, do you see what I mean? Make it about you being proactive to tell her that you're fine with the breakup, not about her doing you a favor!! Personally, I'd let sleeping dogs lie. Why send her any communication at all? I don't see what it will accomplish unless you want to feel like you are leaving off on "good terms" -- is that it? Why do you want her as a potential "friend" later on? She's your ex. How does that fit into the scheme of friendship? This is really up to you and what you feel in your gut. I wouldn't advise it, but if you feel strongly about it, I repeat, do not thank her!!
willpower Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 "I understand why you did it, and i want to thank you for not stringing me along and doing what i couldn't. Ill cya around" And then ill go NC. Should i go for it and possibly open up the opportunity for friendship later on, or should i just stick around in NC. Thanks ! I think there is a place for this, but its not designed to get them back. Its more like, I've had some time to reflect on this now, I can see what went wrong and I take my responsibility for my part in it. Thanks for the experience and I still think your a cool person. I did this recently after about 4 months, got no repsonse but I didn't do it for that. I'm now clear of all of the stuff I did that I regret. From that perspective it was all about me. It went a long way to helping me to let go. Don't do it if your going to get upset with a lack of response. Also I'd always do this by written letter than text or email to show I've gone out of my way to take the time to do it rather than it being a spur of the moment thing.
willpower Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 But do NOT, I repeat, do NOT THANK HER! I wouldn't thank her for breaking up with you, but I think its OK to thank her for the good times you had. It shows you appreciate what you had. Its authentic and I always believe any healthy relationship has honesty at its core.
Graceful Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I wouldn't thank her for breaking up with you, but I think its OK to thank her for the good times you had. It shows you appreciate what you had. Its authentic and I always believe any healthy relationship has honesty at its core. Sorry, and I admit to perhaps being too literal here, but being thankful for the good times has more to do with your own experience. If I were to say I was thankful for the good times I had with my ex, I still would not be thanking *him* for giving me those good times, I'd be thankful that I had the fun times while they lasted. I'd be more likely to say, "I look back on many good times with you" and prefer to end the sentence thus: "and hope you did, too" or some such thing. But again, to me, saying thank you for anything after you've been dumped is not being proactive, it's still being reactive. To be proactive, make it about how you feel, not giving credit to the other person for it, if you see what I mean. In this instance, he put his ex on a pedestal as it was, that message has to stop. To be honest, I also think saying "thank you" could possibly be interpreted as being sarcastic as well ... but that's just me. :D
willpower Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Sorry, and I admit to perhaps being too literal here, but being thankful for the good times has more to do with your own experience. If I were to say I was thankful for the good times I had with my ex, I still would not be thanking *him* for giving me those good times, I'd be thankful that I had the fun times while they lasted. I'd be more likely to say, "I look back on many good times with you" and prefer to end the sentence thus: "and hope you did, too" or some such thing. But again, to me, saying thank you for anything after you've been dumped is not being proactive, it's still being reactive. To be proactive, make it about how you feel, not giving credit to the other person for it, if you see what I mean. In this instance, he put his ex on a pedestal as it was, that message has to stop. To be honest, I also think saying "thank you" could possibly be interpreted as being sarcastic as well ... but that's just me. :D I see where your coming from here, I guess its dependant on how the relationship was and how it ended. For me although it ended in lots of pain for me, I caused much of this by pushing her away (thats my issue with attachment and I have to deal with that) when she was asking for more from me. From that point of veiw while we were together there was no issue with respect between ius, I had the 'power' if anything. I do genuinely thank her for some beautiful times together, without her they would not have been so good so yes I thank her for playing her part. Every relationship is different, for me it felt ok to do this with my ex. For the record, I would not be thanking a rot bag who cheated on me or played games with me (not saying thats your experience but just to illustrate an example) but likewise I dont think I'd get into a relationship like that (setting myself up for a fall there now )
Author turokturok5 Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 thanks for the input. I'm thinking that thanking her would be better for both of us. She did break up with me and i didnt expect it at all, but if she didn't have feelings for me and just went along with it, then it would've been so much more painful when she couldn't go any further. Honestly i did want to break up with her at some point, after about a month, because she did something which really hurt me but i just couldn't get myself to do it because i had liked her for so long. I told her i was okay with the break-up once before, but it was on facebook chat after like a week and i wasnt really serious.
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