blablabla88 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 (edited) I'm seeking some advice. I'm a girl, from the UK, and I have a long term, long distance boyfriend from America. I met him while I was on exchange and since then we have made trips to see eachother every few months. We are even planning to move closer later this year. Before the current boyfriend, but also while on exchange, I went out with another guy. It only lasted a few months and he broke up with me, but we've stayed in touch since, talking online sometimes. About 6 months ago, this ex-boyfriend was talking to me online and he started making some innappropriate comments, like how he still thought about having sex with me and how he really liked it. I tried to ignore him and I guess he could have been drunk. Then, in the last few days, the ex-boyfriend messaged me to say he was planning to visit my city in the UK. Apparently he has time off work and some money. So, I asked him his plans and he said he might come in the next week or two, which is obviously very last minute. I told my current boyfriend and he is obviously a bit worried that this might be some ploy to win me back or make a move. After all, it is a long way to travel and he doesn't usually go travelling places, let alone to somewhere specific like my city. I think it could be weird too, but i'm ok with meeting him. But my boyfriend says that meeting him is silly because I am just giving him the opportunity he wants. I already told the ex boyfriend that I would be ok with spending a day with him, but not any more. But again my boyfriend said he will try to increase the amount of time he spends with me once he gets here. What do you think? Am I being silly or naive? Is it really that obvious that the ex-boyfriend wants to make a move? Is my boyfriend right, or over reacting? Should I meet him, or is it just like walking into a trap? Am I risking messing things up with my current boyfriend, or should it be ok? Thanks for any help or advice Edited February 27, 2011 by blablabla88
jane100 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 You sound ambivalent about both. Perhaps you are entitled to be ambivalent and unsure? Neither men will like your position, though you don't mention what the ex- floating-about thinks about the fact that you have a new boyfriend, "inappropriate" comments aside.
jane100 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 p.s. the English girls come online at this time! You'll get an American perspective later .
Author blablabla88 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 You sound ambivalent about both. Perhaps you are entitled to be ambivalent and unsure? Neither men will like your position, though you don't mention what the ex- floating-about thinks about the fact that you have a new boyfriend, "inappropriate" comments aside. I should mention that I have been with my current boyfriend for 3 years and I dated my ex 3.5 years ago, and only for a few months. The ex-boyfriend was always supportive of my new relationship, but I suppose he might just be saying that?
jane100 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 (edited) You can play fast and loose and do what you want, you are after all a free woman. Or you can be honest to yourself about what you enjoy in life, who you love and what you feel about them*. There is no right or wrong, its not easy navigating this ...... *My suspicion is that this issue is "calling" you on that. BTW, The big hole in your post is how you feel about your ex, romantically ... Edited February 27, 2011 by jane100
Author blablabla88 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 You can play fast and loose and do what you want, you are after all a free woman. Or you can be honest to yourself about what you enjoy in life, who you love and what you feel about them*. There is no right or wrong, its not easy navigating this ...... *My suspicion is that this issue is "calling" you on that. BTW, The big hole in your post is how you feel about your ex, romantically ... I don't really feel anything. I love my boyfriend, so i'm really just after some objective opinions on the situation, as obviously my boyfriend and I might be biased.
forrest Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 you're being naive. Your ex does only want sex and you're walking into a situation that will allow that to happen. And it will happen once your ex gets some booze in you. Plus, I bet that your current bf is feel uncertain about this as well.
utterer of lies Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 please, anyone? He wants you, either for some ex-sex or 'back'. Don't meet him if you are happy with your boyfriend.
january2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 What do you think? Am I being silly or naive? Is it really that obvious that the ex-boyfriend wants to make a move? Is my boyfriend right, or over reacting? Should I meet him, or is it just like walking into a trap? Am I risking messing things up with my current boyfriend, or should it be ok? I think that what you might be forgetting is that you have a real choice in this matter. You don't have to meet him, but I suspect that you're at best curious and slightly flattered that he still wants you after all this time. And at worse, you want to meet him to see what happens and to see if the sparks are still there. The fact that you haven't said no to meeting and are worrying about what all this means suggests that you are prepared to at least hear him out. And if his offer is 'good enough' perhaps you will succumb to his advances. So, do you choose your current boyfriend and walk away from the path of temptation? Or do you meet this guy, hear what he has to say and have sex with him regardless of whether or not it leads to anything more, but with the result that it jeopardises your current relationship? Of course, there's also a third option. You could meet him for a quick coffee only, in recognition that you once shared a period of time together and you're secure in your current relationship, your boyfriend trusts you and you trust yourself. The choice is yours.
Author blablabla88 Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 I suppose I wouldn't mind still being friends with him, but my boyfriend thinks this is naive. He says "it's fine being friends with ex's, but not when they fly 6,000 miles just to see you". He is also disappointed that I am considering it. He says it's like walking into a bad situation for no reason.
Emilia Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 I'm seeking some advice. I'm a girl, from the UK, and I have a long term, long distance boyfriend from America. I met him while I was on exchange and since then we have made trips to see eachother every few months. We are even planning to move closer later this year. Before the current boyfriend, but also while on exchange, I went out with another guy. It only lasted a few months and he broke up with me, but we've stayed in touch since, talking online sometimes. About 6 months ago, this ex-boyfriend was talking to me online and he started making some innappropriate comments, like how he still thought about having sex with me and how he really liked it. I tried to ignore him and I guess he could have been drunk. Then, in the last few days, the ex-boyfriend messaged me to say he was planning to visit my city in the UK. Apparently he has time off work and some money. So, I asked him his plans and he said he might come in the next week or two, which is obviously very last minute. I told my current boyfriend and he is obviously a bit worried that this might be some ploy to win me back or make a move. After all, it is a long way to travel and he doesn't usually go travelling places, let alone to somewhere specific like my city. I think it could be weird too, but i'm ok with meeting him. But my boyfriend says that meeting him is silly because I am just giving him the opportunity he wants. I already told the ex boyfriend that I would be ok with spending a day with him, but not any more. But again my boyfriend said he will try to increase the amount of time he spends with me once he gets here. What do you think? Am I being silly or naive? Is it really that obvious that the ex-boyfriend wants to make a move? Is my boyfriend right, or over reacting? Should I meet him, or is it just like walking into a trap? Am I risking messing things up with my current boyfriend, or should it be ok? Thanks for any help or advice I'm all for keeping in touch with exes and perhaps occasionally having a coffee to catch up if you haven't seen them for years and years but spending a whole day with him would be disrespectful to your current boyfriend. You should arrange only a coffee with the option of your current bf joining towards the end to indicate to your ex that you only want a chat and to indicate to your boyfriend that he is safe.
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