wilzz Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year and the assumption has been that we will get married before too long. We are in our mid-20s. Our careers have recently forced us into a semi-long distance relationship, where we live in different cities but spend ~two weeks out of every month together. Ever since, I have found myself feeling frequent insecurity and jealousy, particularly during periods when we are apart. For example, if on a given night it seems like she wants to talk on the phone less than I do-- like if she knows I'm going to sleep soon and doesn't make a concerted effort to make it possible to talk beforehand-- it feels like a sign that our relationship is starting to evaporate, or that she's losing interest. In general it feels like I need contact with her more than she needs it with me, and that makes me feel embarrassed and clingy. I know I am being clingy but I can't help it, and worse, I am too bad a liar to successfully hide it from her. So she can feel my anxiety and that obviously just makes everything worse, because then she feels like she has to manage my feelings and pander to me. I have always been unfortunately defensive about her ex, whom she went out with for several years before we met. And now I get jealous when I'm in my city and she is in hers, and she's hanging out with other guys. I always have really territorial feelings and I hate it-- I wish I didn't because I know I can trust her and I know she loves me. I have every reason to think that, pretty much, except that on a moment to moment basis it does feel like I need contact with her more urgently than she needs it with me. As I said above, I get embarrassed when these feelings bubble up in me, and that just causes a vicious cycle. How do I stop being insecure before I lose her by being a huge drag?
xpaperxcutx Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Have you guys ever talked about setting boundaries earlier on in the relationship? I think the strain of the distance is causing you the insecurities, not her. You sound like the type of person who needs reassurance that everything is going well, hence you're always questioning your gf's actions if she's not behaving or acting in the way you expect of her. Granted that it's reasonable to feel insecure, but you cannot dictate nor demand that she not interact with anyone else ( ie. guy friends) but you. I
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