Saphira Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Trust me i am trying my best to hold on, just keep running into obstacles. And i think you will continue to do so. But with the support of your LS buddies, and the good head you have on your shoulders, i think you will do just find overcoming them. Its going to be hard work. Im learning that myslef. But you can do it. =]
Author aloneinseattle Posted March 2, 2011 Author Posted March 2, 2011 Yeah your right, I will just take it day by day. I actually had a decent night sleep, for once. Day number 4 NC. Still going strong. I am focusing on me for once and it feels nice. I try to look at the bright side, I am no longer her beck and call, I can do what I want when I want...If you cant be happy with yourself, you for sure can't be happy with another person. Since the break up I have my ex before her hounding me to get back in a relationship with her. I am just not ready yet. I need to heal. Just kind of confuses things.
Saphira Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 yes, you do need time before you jump into anything else. and that is great. Im glad your seeing the bright side of things. and whenever anything gets hard. just keep thinking of the bright side. =]
Author aloneinseattle Posted March 5, 2011 Author Posted March 5, 2011 I have not posted for a few day's been super busy, just an update, I am going on a full week of NC. I still am staying up late and sleeping during the day, I have made new friends that I talk to on he phone on a regular basis. Today I had a dream about her again, my dream was like she was at, her family's house but she was completely ignoring me. In the dream I felt like I was an outsider, but for strange reason I was at this house. Her family kept asking me what I was to her, then I told them to ask her, but she just would avoid the question, all together, I was trying very hard, to get her alone in this "house" to just talk to her. But she kept avoiding me at all costs. Then I woke up in a cold sweat, and with the feeling of need, and feeling of urge and loneliness, and feeling that i missed her. So I thought instead of trying to call her I would just post here in my thread.
Saphira Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 wow, i had a dream too. last night. but it was weird. we were going out and talking, and we made up! :l of course then i had to wake up and remember it wasnt really happining. Im glad you decided to post here instead. Im with you on the lonely, missing feelings. I deleted all our photos from my computer but i still find myself looking at his FB photos. somethings take more time then others i guess. Hope your hanging in there. Just rememebr it is going to take time. And it is not the easyest. unfortunately.
depplover_1980 Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 wow, i had a dream too. last night. but it was weird. we were going out and talking, and we made up! :l of course then i had to wake up and remember it wasnt really happining. Im glad you decided to post here instead. Im with you on the lonely, missing feelings. I deleted all our photos from my computer but i still find myself looking at his FB photos. somethings take more time then others i guess. Hope your hanging in there. Just rememebr it is going to take time. And it is not the easyest. unfortunately. I had a dream I was with the Transformers and things were getting blown up and cars stolen!!
Author aloneinseattle Posted March 5, 2011 Author Posted March 5, 2011 Yah i got some pictures on my cell of her, that I dread to even look at, let alone remove. Just been very hard these past few days.
Saphira Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Yah i got some pictures on my cell of her, that I dread to even look at, let alone remove. Just been very hard these past few days. yes, i understand. I removed the ones from my phone as well as the computer. but i still find myself looking at his fb photos. I even find myself going through my computer photos hoping i missed one. How sad. It will happen in due time. I just thought it would make things better if i didnt open my phone and see his picture. but it didnt really make too much of a difference.
Author aloneinseattle Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 Ya I am in transition of getting this pretty cool job, so it would keep me pretty busy, and keep my mind occupied, because at the present time, I find myself always hoping and checking my cell that she calls or will call. But for what? Its over. Sometimes I just can't figure out why our minds play these nasty tricks on us.
Saphira Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 i feel as though we are on the exact same page! lol i am in the process of getting a job. i have a few more appointment and an orientation and then i start. and i was looking at it the same way. getting my mind off things. I also have this best friend who is always kidnapping me when i get too depressed and making me spend the day on things that will keep my mind occupied. It those days and moment between that i find myself doing the same thing you do. with emails, texts. calls. ect. Our mind can be our friend and our worst enemy. Like the dreams, and constant reminders. I cant seem to go to a certain place, or hear a certain song (which seems to be every song cuz there all about love or heart break) that doesnt remind me of him. Idk why our minds like to play with us that way. one of those unsolved mysteries.
Author aloneinseattle Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 Sigh, day seven I relapsed. I was looking at her pictures on my cell. I missed her and called her. Ended up going to her house, for dinner, and begging her to give me another shot . I feel so stupid, cause I know I am not supposed to do this. I also offered to take her to wash her laundry, and asked her out to the movies. She told me that there was not a chance that we can get back together because we tried, before and it did not work, and she says she has fallen out of love with me because she said I have become a lazy person that only wants to stay home sleep all day and not go out and physically apply for jobs. Cause I apply for jobs on the net. She said she has not changed her mind and come summer time she will move back to Mexico. I told her please reconsider and give me a chance to prove to her that I am not that guy, she thinks I am in her mind. And that I am a hard worker, and I love to work, my previous job worked there for 8 years. Got laid off. Been having a ruff time finding work since then. She said, she is my "fantasy" and I am just a "habit". All her words really hurt me. We cried together. She told me her mother in mexico had told her once we split up the first time, to never get back with me again. Her mother is her God. She will do anything she says. As I left her house she said she will go to send mother to her mom the following day. So i reached into my pocket pulled out $25 bucks and told her to send that as well. She tried to give it back I refused and I left.
Saphira Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 oh man, that is a major relapse. My guy relapsed and texted me. but nothing on the lines of getting back together :l I am so sorry to hear about all of that. At least you know where she stands. Maybe knowing that there isnt a chance, you can maybe try moving on. Getting back on your own feet and then one day finding someone that better suites you. I know you dont want to hear that now. I was just saying. That is horrible. Im sorry that happened.
Author aloneinseattle Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 Ya I am pretty sorry it happened also. It puts me back to stage 1, I feel like I was doing so well.
BrokenFool Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Actions speak louder than words your actions will say what 1000 words , 100 attempts at begging her will say what she thinks wrong of you - disprove her and dont forget until she doesnt get that feeling of having lost you she will never sit down and work through her feelings for you and want you back your times running out if she is seriously thinking about going to mexico - man up and make her come to you
Author aloneinseattle Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 Not as easy as you make it sound, this has been going on for, four years.
fresh8 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 yes, i understand. I removed the ones from my phone as well as the computer. but i still find myself looking at his fb photos. I even find myself going through my computer photos hoping i missed one. How sad. It will happen in due time. I just thought it would make things better if i didnt open my phone and see his picture. but it didnt really make too much of a difference. Luckily I'm not the only one. Although I accidentally deleted all of our photos. haha. Was transferring them to the computer. And phone said 'complete' so I deleted them. Look at my laptop.... 'transfer failed'. haha
Saphira Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Luckily I'm not the only one. Although I accidentally deleted all of our photos. haha. Was transferring them to the computer. And phone said 'complete' so I deleted them. Look at my laptop.... 'transfer failed'. haha that sucks. I didnt it intentionally. my friend talked me into it. said when she went through her bad break up she had her mom do it. but i didnt want someone else to do it for me. IDK i thought it would be easyer to not turn on my computer and see his photos. but it actually makes it a little worse lol cuz im constantly looking for them. lol
fresh8 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 that sucks. I didnt it intentionally. my friend talked me into it. said when she went through her bad break up she had her mom do it. but i didnt want someone else to do it for me. IDK i thought it would be easyer to not turn on my computer and see his photos. but it actually makes it a little worse lol cuz im constantly looking for them. lol Yeah, I was so sick of looking at our pics on my phone but still wanted to have them round and delete them when I knew I was over her. I think it's a sort of blessing I did delete them though as I've made a lot of progress since the weekend. Also, I do admit that whenever on Facebook and I see her on the chat log thingy, I go to her page. And it hurts every single freaking time. But then again, I know that she checks my page too... and last night I was thinking whether that was a good/bad thing cause a few girls have asked me to hang out via facebook. Ah well.
Saphira Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 yes it deffinitly hurts doesnt it? lol and i wanted to do the same thing. I wanted to kinda of copy them on a disk until i was really ready. idk and now i miss them lol
fresh8 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 yes it deffinitly hurts doesnt it? lol and i wanted to do the same thing. I wanted to kinda of copy them on a disk until i was really ready. idk and now i miss them lol Yes. Well, as I see it, even though I don't have them in my phone or computer, the memories are still in my head. We will get through this
Author aloneinseattle Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 I don't think you have to go as far as to delete the pic's just put them away so you won't look at them. Even though they did break our hearts we can look at those pics down the road, they are memories.
Author aloneinseattle Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 Gosh, why did i go see her, she called me on the phone I answered, she just drills me about, how I did not do this right, did not do that right, she does not love me, i really feel like such a failure. She says she does not want to hurt me anymore, but every time we speak its all she does. I feel like my heart is aching.
0hpenelope Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Gosh, why did i go see her, she called me on the phone I answered, she just drills me about, how I did not do this right, did not do that right, she does not love me, i really feel like such a failure. She says she does not want to hurt me anymore, but every time we speak its all she does. I feel like my heart is aching. You know, your ex needs to stop contacting you. She is the one who broke up with you, she's the one who isn't happy, and a break up makes all of that bad stuff in the relationship go away because it's breaking the bond with the other person in the relationship. After all of that, it means there's nothing to re-visit. This... this is such crap! All of those talks about what you didn't do right, she forfeited the privilege of working things out because she broke up with you. It shows that she doesn't want to work issues out with you. So short of working on reconciliation with you and not that "make up/break up" tripe, I don't understand why she's re-hashing these memories because there's no point in pointing out mistakes when you're not in the relationship to work those things out anymore. So why is she doing this? She can't blame you for all of the mistakes in the relationship as she made mistakes, too. Also, I hope you lessen contact with her until you can decide whether or not you want full NC with her.
depplover_1980 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 I entirely echo Penelope's sentiments, but with the addition and harsh - get some self respect and stop talking to her. People will run out of sympathy for you soon if you keep doing this to yourself.
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