aloneinseattle Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I myself am going through the same thing, that most of you are going through. It really helps to vent on these forums. My ex girl and I were on and off for 3 almost 4 years, lived together for a year and a half, went through two split ups, and we got back together, lasted another year and 2 months. Everything was fine and dandy no fighting or arguing at all. Then I get a call from her telling me " she don't want to live a lie anymore, and she does not feel anything for me and does not love me" This is after being back together after the prior two break up's. Truth is in my mind I had the feeling, it was just a matter of time. And I have been in denial, hoping that would we of gotten married and such, since in my mind, may just be confused felt like she was the love of my life. It really felt like a stab in the heart and when she said she did not love me, I started to weep all these years she had never said that to me. It is fresh and I know its going to be a tuff, tuff road. The withdrawals, my mind thinking I need her, going places that we had gone to, and remembering her. So I don't seek sympathy, just more or less support. And just to share my story.
Author aloneinseattle Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 Day two of NC, the dreams and anxiety, have already started, this is going to be a ruff ride not to mention I feel very sad.
Mcnulty Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 I really feel for you Alone, sorry to hear of your loss. Must have been a hammer blow for you to hear her words re not loving you anymore. because of her words, it is a clean break, no messy contact and further hurt though. In the face of adversity, we learn valuable things about ourselves and what we want and can give to future relationships, it's this type of heartbreak that will shape your personality and resilience that little bit more, for once you start to feel a little better, you can say, hey, this is life, my one and only chance at it and I can see that I'm moving on from this truly upsetting experience. I let myself go after my break up, not eating, losing weight, drinking more...all of this made it a slower process for me to start healing, I can see that now, so mu advice would be, look after you, you're never more than number 2 in another person's eyes, you are the master of your fate, no one else. eat, get out, keep yourself busy, give yourself a springboard for healing, don't get dragged down like I did, it takes so much longer to heal and I've learnt that now. Good luck and keep us posted on your day.
Author aloneinseattle Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 Thank you Mcnulty for the words of reinsurance. Yes it was very hurtful to hear those words come out her mouth " I don't love you". Especially from a person that you put on a pedestal, was very proud to be around, and in your heart you thought she was the one. It did make me feel better to read your post. I gave her my god fathers gold chain with a gold pendant, from Greece, along with my mothers hand crafted gold ear rings, an iphone and she owes me $100 bucks. But to be honest I dont want to hear her voice or see her face. So I am willing to take a loss, in the sake of my heart and my healing process. Because if I hear her voice or talk to her it will reset Nc and I will have to start from the very beginning. What do you guys think?
depplover_1980 Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Great advice from McNulty there and I second everything he said in terms of personal growth from the experience. I went through a break up from a 7 year relationship around 4 years ago now. I made the mistake of getting into another relationship too quickly which masked a lot of my recovery, but it still seeped out in other ways. Sometimes when I was sleeping with the new guy I would be thinking of my ex as I fell asleep. The second relationship lasted nearly 2 years and when it ended I had to then grieve for the loss of both men really, but I embarked upon a personal journery which brought me to the wise soul I am today - that time I was single for a full year and didn't even casually date until a 6 month break from the opposite sex. The third relationship I had I kept a big sense of self, created some good space between us etc and although it ended I felt I'd done my best. I also haven't crumbled and as a result made a much faster recovery. We're all here for you. I just stay on break up cos I like helping people who are feeling s h i t!! x
depplover_1980 Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Thank you Mcnulty for the words of reinsurance. Yes it was very hurtful to hear those words come out her mouth " I don't love you". Especially from a person that you put on a pedestal, was very proud to be around, and in your heart you thought she was the one. It did make me feel better to read your post. I gave her my god fathers gold chain with a gold pendant, from Greece, along with my mothers hand crafted gold ear rings, an iphone and she owes me $100 bucks. But to be honest I dont want to hear her voice or see her face. So I am willing to take a loss, in the sake of my heart and my healing process. Because if I hear her voice or talk to her it will reset Nc and I will have to start from the very beginning. What do you guys think? Oh and I don't think you should talk to her - if you need stuff back wait for a while, or get someone close to contact her on your behalf if you're desperate, but I would avoid it all at any cost at the moment.
Mcnulty Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Hang in there mate, you're going to be just fine. Re. the gifts, that's what they were, I personally wouldn't want or ask for them back after what's happened. Re. the $100...leave it, if she is a decent person, she will return it in some way, if she doesn't return it, more affirmation for you that she isn't a truly decent girl and not worth having in your life, so yep, would leave the cash for a while and see if she comes good on that one...remember what I said though...eat eat eat!!! oh and exercise, that's the crap bit, but it'll release endorphins...feelgood hormones.
Author aloneinseattle Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 Yeah I guess, I will just consider those things a loss, you guys are right it's not worth it. Whats weird is and I don't know if I do it just out of habit, but I find myself checkin my phone if she called. I mean I already made up my mind, that I don't want to waste my time with someone that basically used me for the whole relationship and she clearly stated she did not love me. So after some thinking I told myself I will never go back to her or that one sided relationship again. From what I read a relationship is supposed to be 50/50, this one was 80/20 and only reason I give her the 20% is because of her companionship. At the present moment I find myself isolated from everyone stay alone go to sleep late and sleep during the day to cope.
fetish Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Yeah I guess, I will just consider those things a loss, you guys are right it's not worth it. Whats weird is and I don't know if I do it just out of habit, but I find myself checkin my phone if she called. I mean I already made up my mind, that I don't want to waste my time with someone that basically used me for the whole relationship and she clearly stated she did not love me. So after some thinking I told myself I will never go back to her or that one sided relationship again. From what I read a relationship is supposed to be 50/50, this one was 80/20 and only reason I give her the 20% is because of her companionship. At the present moment I find myself isolated from everyone stay alone go to sleep late and sleep during the day to cope. eh, cut your losses. Be glad you're not like me who co-signed a car for my fiance. I planned on being with her always and now that we recently split, i have to find out how the car note is going to get paid if she decides to default on it.
Saphira Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 man i, that is horrible. living a lie. that also means she was playing with your heart for a year and 2 months. if not more. in my case i was left with an i love you and always will. there is no nice way to feel after you are left by the one you deemed the love of your life. or was ready to spend it with. it has been less then 2 weeks for me and it seems like every time i get close to getting over it, something reminds me of him. Everyone says it will get easyer with time. but we all have a difference whit how long it will take. I know it hurts but in a way it is better she told you then for her to have gone on longer and you get to the point of asking her to marry you and being denied then, at the alter, or later in life. I hope you get through everything, and find yourself a nice lady who will care for you the same way you care in return.
Author aloneinseattle Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 eh, cut your losses. Be glad you're not like me who co-signed a car for my fiance. I planned on being with her always and now that we recently split, i have to find out how the car note is going to get paid if she decides to default on it. Yes your right, it could be worse. I am just thankful to god I have my health.
Author aloneinseattle Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 man i, that is horrible. living a lie. that also means she was playing with your heart for a year and 2 months. if not more. in my case i was left with an i love you and always will. there is no nice way to feel after you are left by the one you deemed the love of your life. or was ready to spend it with. it has been less then 2 weeks for me and it seems like every time i get close to getting over it, something reminds me of him. Everyone says it will get easyer with time. but we all have a difference whit how long it will take. I know it hurts but in a way it is better she told you then for her to have gone on longer and you get to the point of asking her to marry you and being denied then, at the alter, or later in life. I hope you get through everything, and find yourself a nice lady who will care for you the same way you care in return. Yes Saphira, it actually went on for almost 4 years. I invested a lot of time and money and more importantly my heart. I feel this site and all your replies is what gets me through the day, and I just want to say thank you.
Saphira Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Yes Saphira, it actually went on for almost 4 years. I invested a lot of time and money and more importantly my heart. I feel this site and all your replies is what gets me through the day, and I just want to say thank you. you are very welcome. i am going through the same thing. i just posted here before i initially read yours. Heartache is a b**** to go through and get over. these threads and discussions definitely help. not only to rant about what you or i and others are feeling but to be able to conversation with others in the same position. so thank you as well.
Author aloneinseattle Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 Well today I kept myself very busy, did not have the urge to call her, but I did think about her. But all that would come to my head was, the words, I don't love you, its over. That she said to me last time we spoke. And don't really feel like there is a reason I should miss her or even care anymore. Well at least thats how I feel today, I know it will be different when she calls, but my plan is just to blacklist her number so I won't even get her call or know she is calling.
Saphira Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 man if you can blacklist her your way ahead of me. i havent done that yet. i have gotten as far as deleating all the pictures so there isnt that constant reminer. although there are other reminders. He will call every few days but i always answer. wich brings back all those feelings and makes it harder all over again. and im glad you are having a better day. they will come in go. atleast they have for me. i go back and forth. i write poetry though. it helps sometimes. kind of personal rants in its own way. you can do that too. different things for different people though lol. anyways. glad today was better xD
Mcnulty Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Blacklist her number if you can...wise move. I wrote a list of all the things I didn't like about her and our relationship...I refer back to it a lot..it helps...maybe you could try that? Being honest, i was with her for just under 2 years and it took me about 12-18 months to get over her...went through the finding out and seeing her with another guy...the texting me a year after I ended it, saying I looked happy(I'm a good actor), finding out she was cheating on me with him...in all, about 18 months I would say, but as above comment, everyone is different re. timescales to get over an ex.
Saphira Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Blacklist her number if you can...wise move. I wrote a list of all the things I didn't like about her and our relationship...I refer back to it a lot..it helps...maybe you could try that? Being honest, i was with her for just under 2 years and it took me about 12-18 months to get over her...went through the finding out and seeing her with another guy...the texting me a year after I ended it, saying I looked happy(I'm a good actor), finding out she was cheating on me with him...in all, about 18 months I would say, but as above comment, everyone is different re. timescales to get over an ex. i just got out of a 2 year relationship, i know im young, but omg! are you saying it could take me 1 years to get over this hurt? man im not looking foward to that :l
depplover_1980 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 i just got out of a 2 year relationship, i know im young, but omg! are you saying it could take me 1 years to get over this hurt? man im not looking foward to that :l Good news though Saphira is you come out fighting fit, almost like a chrysalis to bright butterfly like transformation. You'll be doubly wise and really confident and be at peace with yourself.
Author aloneinseattle Posted March 2, 2011 Author Posted March 2, 2011 Nc day number 3. Today is very ruff day for me. I feel very emotional, sad and getting very strong urges to call her. I am missing her and feel confused.
depplover_1980 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Nc day number 3. Today is very ruff day for me. I feel very emotional, sad and getting very strong urges to call her. I am missing her and feel confused. Stay with us, you only need to treat it one day at a time. At the moment you just need to wake and promise 'there will be no contact today'. Don't think any further forward just yet. Merely survival right now.x
Saphira Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Nc day number 3. Today is very ruff day for me. I feel very emotional, sad and getting very strong urges to call her. I am missing her and feel confused. yes, stay with us. I called my ex today :l you dont want to do that. it will make you feel worse. because at the end of the conversation you know you arent back together and everything isnt perfect again. The urge of wanting to talk to them, is a lesser pain then talking to them and bringing back up all those emotions. i learned that the hard way today. Hang in there! were here for ya xD
Saphira Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Good news though Saphira is you come out fighting fit, almost like a chrysalis to bright butterfly like transformation. You'll be doubly wise and really confident and be at peace with yourself. thats good to know. i just wish it wouldnt take as long to get to that point you are talking about. lol
depplover_1980 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 I know but you need to build a foundation and layers for stuff to count.
Saphira Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 I know but you need to build a foundation and layers for stuff to count. that is true
Author aloneinseattle Posted March 2, 2011 Author Posted March 2, 2011 Trust me i am trying my best to hold on, just keep running into obstacles.
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