Johnny85 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Hey everybody, I am really frustrated right now and would really appreciate some input on what just happened to me. Background She broke up with me approximately six weeks ago. She started dating another guy while I was visiting family over christmas (she called me up one evening after we hadn't spoken for a few days telling me that she wanted to break up with me, saying that our relationship lacked emotional and physical intimacy and that she was now dating someone else). A few days earlier we had gotten into an argument when I told her that maybe we should take a break from our relationship and date other people. We were together for about 4 years. So after the breakup I did what most guys do; I begged and acted desperate, sending lots of pathetic text messages to her. Of course, this did not work, so I stopped after a few days. Basically, I went NC for approximately six weeks, only communicating a briefly twice via text messaging. The Present A few days ago she texted me the following: "Sometimes I really miss you, but I don't think you should be with someone who feels you need to change. Right now I am really sad that all the energy, money spent and hopes and dreams of the future are gone. I spend 4 years culminating them for you, but in the end it was all for nothing. And that makes me sad. There's a void in my life where you used to be. I wish I had all the comfort of a call to you after a long day at work. Or just to sit and have movie night. I wanted love but didn't get it. And I still don't. I'm grieving all I lost in you and it's really sad. I love you, and I am grieving the loss of you in my life. I care deeply for you. But it's not worth being miserable. I would like to talk sometime.Hey I'm gonna try to catch some shut eye. I love you. And I miss you. And I wish it had all been different. Tell me you love me for old times sake." My Comments I feel that I made a big mistake by telling her that I love her at the end of our text message discussion. I do love her, but I feel cheated and betrayed. I told her this, and she basically blamed her cheating on me being a bad boyfriend. She should have broken up with me first. She also said that she wanted to be intimate with me again. I told her that if I go back to her now, i will come across as someone who is weak. I also said that I am working to improve my life and better myself (which is the truth) and that I am looking for a girlfriend who won't cheat on me. She didn't like this comment very much. lol What has Changed in Her Life since Our Breakup? Since we broke up, her rebound boyfriend broke up with her. She told me that he is an amateur at relationships. He has hurt her now too. He told her that he wants to take a step back (aka he wants to see where it leads). He doesn't tell her he loves her anymore or that he cares. He pretty much stopped calling or has an interest in her. "He still wants to be more than friends." I feel like she is only interested in me now because he stopped showing an interest in her. I told her this. What Happened Tonight I will Regret for Weeks! I was feeling lonely and I missed her, so I decided to text her. I was being friendly but she was certainly not reciprocating. I was joking and being cute. She was barely responding. Then I wrote this to her, "I am gonna level with you here. I miss talking to you every day, seeing you smile. We were friends for so many years. You seem distant now and I take responsibility for being mean (during our relationship) and not being there for you when I should have. I am really sorry. I just feel that now the ball is in your court to communicate to me when you feel you are ready to talk. I would rather us be honest and open now than later. So men you feel ready to communicate and talk over the phone, just let me know. This is not a plea to get back together but simply a way of saying that if any type of relationship can exist between us, we need to talk about our feelings and the past and say what we want to say and resolve our differences. I don't want to play games. If you can't communicate with me as an adult and bury the hatchet, there is no point is us texting anymore." She barely responded. lol Comment I feel confused because first she shows an interest in me and is kind, and now her guard is up again, just a few days later. What is going on here? I think that her rebound guy may have come back into her life again and so she feels content with being rude to me again. The irony here is that I did not have any contact with her for the longest time and was starting to feel much better about our breakup. Now she comes back into my life again, and I am spending time seeking advice about her when I should be focusing on myself. I feel like opening up to her made me less attractive to her. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, and if you are reading this sentence, I apologize for making this so long. Thank you again.
Author Johnny85 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 Bump - I would really appreciate some advice!
Layzie89 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 \ I should be focusing on myself. I feel like opening up to her made me less attractive to her. \ The way I see it, that's exactly what happened. Like you, she was feeling lonely one night, missing you so she messaged you that sweet talk. She was fishing in my opinion..trying to see if you were still around to give a hoot. You bit, not immediately but eventually...and now shes pulling back because she knows you're still there. On a more positive note, you communicated your intentions well when you messaged her back. She knows exactly how you feel now and what she has to do if ever she'd like to reconcile. Now it's up to you go go back to strict NC...let her be the one to come to you. Don't fall for any bread crumbs she throws at you. Wait for her to tell you what you want to hear. Look up Gator12's guide to NC and second chances.
Author Johnny85 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 Hey Layzie, That is exactly what I was thinking when I texted her yesterday. From reading other peoples' experiences on here, I thought I learned my lesson the first time, but unfortunately I fell into the trap of feeling lonely. I think I miss intimacy and the idea more than actually going back to her and starting over. We have a lot of differences to work through and anger to resolve. I also feel like I was using NC for the wrong reason and it did work to some extent, but I was only setting myself up for disappointment and this really set me back a couple of weeks. I feel like she just disappoints me; I am a forgiving person and definitely not perfect myself, but it is not cool to mess with another person's hope. And hey, thanks for your advice.
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