seanmathews3 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 A few questions.. 1) Girlfriend and I broke up like 5 days ago.. long story short dated for 5 months but her feelings got kinda lost towards the end because of some mistakes we made..(seeing eachother too much.. not enough "me" time.. relationship was a little "routine" like because our schedules) we both want to go back to how things were in the beginning when we were both happy.. the last 2 weeks of the relationship we tried staying together and working things out but there was no progress.. so my next idea was to "start over" with her.. and that seems to be our only option but we were both thinking how do we go about that being afraid of things falling right back to how they were.. When i say start over i mean literally "hi im sean".. pretty much back to the way we first started talking.. but doing things a bit different and doing things right. Its just hard to talk her into giving it a shot since her fear is having things fall back to where they were.. any advice or thoughts on that? some more things i could say? second question 2)one mistake she did that led to a loss of feelings i believe is.. she measured time together with what feelings she should have.. for example "oh its been 3 months i should be feeling this.." "oh its 5 months i should be feeling this" on top of that she compared this relationship to a few of her past ones.. i told her you cant put a timeline on feelings.. they come when they are supposed to.. is there anything else i should explain to her so she can see where im coming from? we really do make a good couple.. no big fights and less than a handful of little arguments over 6 months
wmrjw82 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Its just hard to talk her into giving it a shot She has to want it as much as you do. One thing i've learned throughout my whole process is that you can't "make" anyone love you. You can't "make" anyone want to work on something if they don't want to. You'll only end up pushing that person farther away. I can tell how bad you want to be with your SO and how bad you want it to work. Just make sure she wants it just as bad and if she doesn't it's time to say goodbye.
sweetblubrry Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 No you definitely can't put a timeline on feelings.. You might need time apart if you want to "start over". You need time to figure out what went wrong and go from there. my ex broke up with me and we didn't talk for almost 4 weeks. Now he is flirting with me again and things are like they were in the beginning when he first pursued me. Its so strange but that is my experience.
Distant78 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Even if you do end up getting back together, the relationship will still be the same. The same problems will still be there. And it sounds like she doesn't even want it as much as you. She's probably seeing someone else. Time to heal and then in the future you move on. It's what we men must do.
willpower Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 What she is telling you is just noise. If she loved you she would want to spend every second of the day with you. Her brain is finding reasons to put to the fact that she doesnt feel love for you any more. The reasons are unlikely to be truly representitive of this and hence fixing them will not bring the love back. You cant have the honeymoon period back again, once you do it once it can only be repeated as a new person (different person altogether or meeting that person way in the future when they are in a different space in life). Give her what she wants, take some space from her - talk about it and explain that you need to get yourself together and you want to not contact her and in turn she should get her feelings together in this time. This will be the last thing you want to do but the more you chase her the more she'll hate you.
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