MBH14 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Really don't know why I feel the need to tell people on the internet this, but oh well, here goes... I'm giving up on dating. It's a hassle. I've realized that I am not the kind of guy any girl wants to be in a relationship with. Aside from being terribly shy and the below average looks, I'm a pretty horrible person at my core. Went through high school without a girlfriend and basically the same thing through college. Went on a few dates here and there that all ended the same way. Awkwardly. It boils down to the combination of my unattractiveness, lack of social skills, poor general outlook on life, crappy job and my shyness. These things make it virtually impossible for me to be a suitable partner in a relationship. I didn't realize this until the other day. I was at my friend's house, and his girlfriend was giving me crap about not being able to find a girlfriend when all of a sudden it clicked. She says, "Still haven't found the right girl yet, huh?" Having an epiphany, I said, "You know, Angie, let's put it like this. I'm ugly, bitter, shy, socially retarded, have a crappy job and no real future, would you want to be in a relationship with me?" She paused, shocked, before she stammered through some carefully worded response. It didn't really matter what she said, because at that point I had realized that I was on to something. I'm just not one of those people who is supposed to find a girlfriend and get married. This was something that used to really bother me. I always wanted to have a girlfriend, to have a relationship, to finally have sex, all that fun stuff, but having that moment of clarity really relieved all that pressure. We went on, argumentatively, of course with my friend trying to stay as neutral as possible, but the more I argued my point, the more it made sense to me. If I just give up, that's one less thing I have to stress about. And it's a big thing. So that's what I'm doing. I'm giving up. Done.
Back Burner Gal Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 "...I'm ugly, bitter, shy, socially retarded, have a crappy job and no real future, would you want to be in a relationship with me?..." Well, what can you do about it? Ugly: be weight/height proportionate, clean, well groomed, and respectably dressed (khakis and button down shirt), and 'ugly' won't matter. It just won't. And you can fix this within hours (assuming you don't need to lose 40 lbs). Bitter: You can fix that in 2 seconds. Knock it off. Shy/socially retarded: get therapy. It helps. Shyness is a form of selfishness. It's self absorbtion that gets you in your own way. Yes, I know there's a shyness gene, and it's an inborn characteristic, but just the same it can be overcome like a lot of negative inborn characteristics. It's not that I'm not sympathetic, I am shy too and used to be painfully shy. I'm an introvert. But I've watched unshy people, and I've learned and people would be surprised to know that I'm shy. crappy job/future: Not easily fixed, but absolutely fixable. The path to good jobs and futures is clearly marked and available to anyone willing to put in the effort. Also...I've noticed a lot of guys with crappy jobs with girlfriends. It's not the job. Are you willing to put in the effort to be attractive to others? If not, then of course no one wants to date you.
sugarmomma Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 When you don't expect love that's usually when it shows up. If it happens to show up hopefully you won't sabatoge (spelling?) it with your negative belief system. God is love and if you give up on love you give up on God. If you don't believe in God disregard the previous sentence. Best wishes
Mrlonelyone Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 When you don't expect love that's usually when it shows up. That does not work for men. Love does not just "show up". A man has to take proactive steps. He has to risk rejection. The man your trying to help...has honestly tried and been rejected time and time and time and time again. It would be unnatrual for him not to be effected by it. If you are burned enough times you stay out of the kitchen. To the OP: You have a right to write what you feel. People on here...mostly women will react by giving advice which is not really usable. i.e. telling you to be clean. Odss are you have issues that a shower, shave haricut and suit will not cure. You can't put lipstick on a pig, name it sandy, and marry it at the courthouse. If you want to try one more thing here it is. Have you considered a mail order bride? I say that with no sense of irony or sarcasm. You have a right to be happy. It's not like literally "buying" a woman. The woman has a choice to not marry you and go back to their heck hole country.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 You can't quit something you have tried.
sugarmomma Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Okay. The women here are NOT helpful and you are?? A mail order bride? Really? GTFOH That does not work for men. Love does not just "show up". A man has to take proactive steps. He has to risk rejection. The man your trying to help...has honestly tried and been rejected time and time and time and time again. It would be unnatrual for him not to be effected by it. If you are burned enough times you stay out of the kitchen. To the OP: You have a right to write what you feel. People on here...mostly women will react by giving advice which is not really usable. i.e. telling you to be clean. Odss are you have issues that a shower, shave haricut and suit will not cure. You can't put lipstick on a pig, name it sandy, and marry it at the courthouse. If you want to try one more thing here it is. Have you considered a mail order bride? I say that with no sense of irony or sarcasm. You have a right to be happy. It's not like literally "buying" a woman. The woman has a choice to not marry you and go back to their heck hole country.
Woggle Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Maybe you should change the women you are pursuing.
Nexus One Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 You can't quit something you have tried. But he can quit trying.
Author MBH14 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 Maybe you should change the women you are pursuing. It's not that women I was pursuing were "bad", it's that I am not a person who is designed to be in a relationship. I'm a bad person, no problem admitting that, and the unfortunate thing about the situation is I like who I am, and feel no reason to change, which is why I'm giving up. I am an unacceptable partner. No reason to keep trying.
collegeguy_24 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Dude, I've been there. After my ex left me, I became an angry, bitter man. I had no job, I live with my parents and am 25. I gave up on women in general. But you know, I changed. A friend of mine convinced me to give it a try again, so with nothing to lose I gave it a shot again. I chased after any woman I could, and I eventually found someone. You can to. I found a good job, am on the verge of moving out and getting my own place. Life can change if you put the effort into it.
Author MBH14 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 The problem is your low self-esteem. If you don't feel good about yourself, how do you expect someone else to want to be with you. Ok, you might not be the best look, you might not have a woman, and you might have a crappy job, but first of all, you have a job when a lot of people don't. If you feel your appearance is a problem them maybe you should start changing your appearance, like new haircut, facial hair trimming, working out, becoming more positive about yourself. People don't always just look at the outer person but also the inner person. I think my self-esteem is fine. Physically I'm in good shape. I'm 6'1 205-210, play A league hockey and baseball. I've got a good haircut and maintain just a little stubble. I'm just an awful person. It's actually become a joke amongst my circle of friends that I'm a royal prick.
P&R Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I think my self-esteem is fine. Physically I'm in good shape. I'm 6'1 205-210, play A league hockey and baseball. I've got a good haircut and maintain just a little stubble. I'm just an awful person. It's actually become a joke amongst my circle of friends that I'm a royal prick. I doubt your self-esteem is fine from what I'm reading, there is obviously a problem there.
Nexus One Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I think my self-esteem is fine. Physically I'm in good shape. I'm 6'1 205-210, play A league hockey and baseball. I've got a good haircut and maintain just a little stubble. I'm just an awful person. It's actually become a joke amongst my circle of friends that I'm a royal prick. The fact that you realize you're an awful person makes you less awful than many other awful persons out there. I don't know man, just trying to cheer you up. What about trying to be less awful and be more positive, what do you gain by being awful to other people? Why be awful to people who haven't done anything wrong? What's the point, what goal does it serve?
USMCHokie Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Now I know how bad it was for all of you having to read some of my own threads a while back... OP, what do you want us to tell you...? If you want to give up, then do it.
Jynxx Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 The bad news: you're not capable of dating at the moment, your current situation just doesn't allow you to attract any quality females The good news: nothing about your current situation cannot be changed I advise you to watch the movie that makes you emotional 4 times in a row, cry, go drink cheap whisky in a bar with an equally miserable buddy you don't even like until you don't know your own name and make sure you wake up with the worst hangover you ever had. At that point you will truly have hit rock bottom. Realise it and you can start your way up.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 To me it sounds like the OP just needs to give up for a while... perhaps a long while. But not so that love will find him. That does not happen to men. He needs to just take a break from the search for love and recharge his batteries so he can search more.
Knittress Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I'm just an awful person. It's actually become a joke amongst my circle of friends that I'm a royal prick. Where's that 'girls like jerks' guy? Something is missing from this thread! But seriously, I'm a little confused. You don't seem happy with yourself, but claim you are - maybe just so you can avoid the scary attempts to break from your comfort zone? If you were happy with things, why would you bother to make this thread? I think maybe you want to change but don't know how. Maybe. And you're proclaiming that you're going to settle into this state of discontent, not because that's what you want, but just to see if you can live with the idea. Maybe.
runner Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Really don't know why I feel the need to tell people on the internet this, but oh well, here goes... I'm giving up on dating. It's a hassle. I've realized that I am not the kind of guy any girl wants to be in a relationship with. Aside from being terribly shy and the below average looks, I'm a pretty horrible person at my core. Went through high school without a girlfriend and basically the same thing through college. Went on a few dates here and there that all ended the same way. Awkwardly. It boils down to the combination of my unattractiveness, lack of social skills, poor general outlook on life, crappy job and my shyness. These things make it virtually impossible for me to be a suitable partner in a relationship. I didn't realize this until the other day. I was at my friend's house, and his girlfriend was giving me crap about not being able to find a girlfriend when all of a sudden it clicked. She says, "Still haven't found the right girl yet, huh?" Having an epiphany, I said, "You know, Angie, let's put it like this. I'm ugly, bitter, shy, socially retarded, have a crappy job and no real future, would you want to be in a relationship with me?" She paused, shocked, before she stammered through some carefully worded response. It didn't really matter what she said, because at that point I had realized that I was on to something. I'm just not one of those people who is supposed to find a girlfriend and get married. This was something that used to really bother me. I always wanted to have a girlfriend, to have a relationship, to finally have sex, all that fun stuff, but having that moment of clarity really relieved all that pressure. We went on, argumentatively, of course with my friend trying to stay as neutral as possible, but the more I argued my point, the more it made sense to me. If I just give up, that's one less thing I have to stress about. And it's a big thing. So that's what I'm doing. I'm giving up. Done. if this were the opening to your book, i'd probably continue reading. so at the very least, you're a pretty interesting writer and i think you might have something here. flesh it out and turn it into the guy version of 'eat, pray, love'; for guys who hate 'eat, pray, love'
SingVoice Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I guess what I am confused about is...you said you wanted these things. So do you now not want them anymore? Or you just accept that you can't have them? If you aren't willing to change your life to get what you want...(not saying to get a girlfriend...just in general)...well...then what do you expect? Are you expecting that some FABULOUS job will fall in your lap? Are you expecting that you will win the lottery and be all happy? Newsflash: Life is hard kiddo. You either work towards becoming a better person...or you don't. If you don't...well...then don't complain because it's all your choice.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Really don't know why I feel the need to tell people on the internet this, but oh well, here goes... I'm giving up on dating. It's a hassle. I've realized that I am not the kind of guy any girl wants to be in a relationship with. Aside from being terribly shy and the below average looks, I'm a pretty horrible person at my core. Went through high school without a girlfriend and basically the same thing through college. Went on a few dates here and there that all ended the same way. Awkwardly. It boils down to the combination of my unattractiveness, lack of social skills, poor general outlook on life, crappy job and my shyness. These things make it virtually impossible for me to be a suitable partner in a relationship. I didn't realize this until the other day. I was at my friend's house, and his girlfriend was giving me crap about not being able to find a girlfriend when all of a sudden it clicked. She says, "Still haven't found the right girl yet, huh?" Having an epiphany, I said, "You know, Angie, let's put it like this. I'm ugly, bitter, shy, socially retarded, have a crappy job and no real future, would you want to be in a relationship with me?" She paused, shocked, before she stammered through some carefully worded response. It didn't really matter what she said, because at that point I had realized that I was on to something. I'm just not one of those people who is supposed to find a girlfriend and get married. This was something that used to really bother me. I always wanted to have a girlfriend, to have a relationship, to finally have sex, all that fun stuff, but having that moment of clarity really relieved all that pressure. We went on, argumentatively, of course with my friend trying to stay as neutral as possible, but the more I argued my point, the more it made sense to me. If I just give up, that's one less thing I have to stress about. And it's a big thing. So that's what I'm doing. I'm giving up. Done. You know, except for the below average looks part (and hopefully the "no real future" part too) you pretty much described me. About two years ago I gave up too. I put all my energy into doing whatever it was that I wanted. I enjoyed myself, but when the summer was over I realized that I wasn't any more happier, and I still wanted a girlfriend, pretending that I didn't never really worked. So giving up may relieve some stress for now, but believe me in a few months you will be feeling miserable. I don't know how you can get yourself out of this. If I did, I would be doing it right now. If you're not doing anything with you're life that you enjoy you should start doing that. If you're like me and you are generally happy with your day to day life, then I really don't know what to tell you. In any occasion, good luck to you.
Disillusioned Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 To me it sounds like the OP just needs to give up for a while... perhaps a long while. But not so that love will find him. That does not happen to men. He needs to just take a break from the search for love and recharge his batteries so he can search more. I did just that. Thrice. No, what the OP needs to do is what I did: get his life organized, lose weight, and if he can't get a better job in the want ads, he needs to get a permit from city hall so he can turn one of his hobbies into a business (this is the upshot to living in America). Then, when women start pursuing him, he'll be fighting from a position of strength.
Author MBH14 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 if this were the opening to your book, i'd probably continue reading. so at the very least, you're a pretty interesting writer and i think you might have something here. flesh it out and turn it into the guy version of 'eat, pray, love'; for guys who hate 'eat, pray, love' I'm glad you found it entertaining. I guess what I am confused about is...you said you wanted these things. So do you now not want them anymore? Or you just accept that you can't have them? If you aren't willing to change your life to get what you want...(not saying to get a girlfriend...just in general)...well...then what do you expect? Are you expecting that some FABULOUS job will fall in your lap? Are you expecting that you will win the lottery and be all happy? Newsflash: Life is hard kiddo. You either work towards becoming a better person...or you don't. If you don't...well...then don't complain because it's all your choice. My job is pretty crappy but oh well. It doesn't pay well, but it's enough to get by. I'm happy enough with what I have that putting the effort into improving my job situation doesn't make sense to me. As far as finding a girlfriend, I've concluded that the odds of finding a girl out there who could tolerate me are slim to none. So I've decided that it isn't worth it. I've accepted that it will never happen, and have stopped putting any effort into it.
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