mashed Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Hi. I'll cut straight to the point. --- TLDR? Read the last paragraph for quick summary! I am in a 2 1/2 year relationship with my boyfriend. We've been through quite a considerable amount throughout the relationship and I can honestly say I love him and I'm completely in love with him. We're incredibly close, neither of us have felt such a connection between anyone else and we highly doubt we ever will again; only if we're lucky! A situation occured before we'd been together for even a year which meant it was no longer safe for him to live in this city. Just after we'd been together for a year, he told me he was moving and asked if I wanted to come with him. I said yes without hesitation. We moved city with his mother and lived together for 6 months before we broke up over something quite stupid. I moved back home but it was only a week later before we sorted things out and I moved back in with him. A month later, we had a series of blazing arguments and we ended up breaking up again. Both of these times, we were both so reluctant but felt that it had to happen. It took us a month before we started talking again. After 3 months, I went to visit him for a few days and we ended up getting back together because we hated not being together, though I didn't move back so it turned into a long distance relationship. I started college but he said he was okay with waiting 2 years until I finished, then I could move back in with him and go to university. This time last week, he told me that he realised he's not exactly the person I thought he was. Well, he is... but he wants to be a lot more dominating, he wants us to live life EXACTLY how he wants it, do everything he wants as soon as he wants it. This means I would have to leave college (for the second time) right now to move in with him and live life as he wants, without having a say in anything. Don't take this as racist, he knows this himself but 80% of the reason this is such an issue is because he's Iranian where the men are in charge and I'm English and have been raised to be strong and independant. I love him so much, as I said, our connection is incredibly strong. He's smarter than anyone else I have met, he has given me confidence, happiness, advice... I could say he's perfect, though he does have flaws. He admits that he's selfish (that's why he wants that life) and he is unbelievably stubborn. We fit together amazingly well but I don't know if I can live a life where I'm to act as a doormat, more or less. I've been told that if I truely do love him, if he is my 'soulmate' then I would go. But I did and it didn't work and I DETEST that anyone would question how much I love him because I do and having to be put in this situation kills me. I would hate to be without him but he said we can't even stay as friends. I'm to move back in with him within days or I don't see him again. I can't imagine fitting so well with anyone else, I can't imagine anyone else accepting me with all the huge flaws I have. But he did and he DOES love and care for me, just in his way. Now he wants to live where I don't have a say and will be potentially very unhappy... so do I go with him? Stop college again and leave? Or do I stay here, wondering if I have passed my 'soulmate' along?
riskygirl Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Honey, You are in England correct? so starting college..that's highschool aged, so you are at most in your early twenties now. I'm 22. You are too young to give up college and university for a guy. Trust me, if it is meant to be it will be. But if he loves you he would want you to do what is best for you and your life right now. Which is not to go around postponing school and uni. I think you need to finish your studies, let things with him go. I know how hard it can be to try to imagine not being with someone you care so much about. But there are a lot of great people to get to know out there. It shouldn't be taken so seriously..and its good getting to know others, and having other relationships to realize what you truly desire. It took me a couple relationships (not necessarily bad ones, but just the wrong guys) to realize what works. Be single for a while, clear your head, focus on you!
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