Author Titania22 Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 I survived a 4 year period of celibacy in my mid-30s by channeling my energy into socializing and dancing. I was voluntarily celibate so that helped. I did it because I was unhealthy in my relationships and needed to spend time working on myself. I have done much the same, though not for 4yrs. I rarely left the house for 2yrs after my relationship ended, and did heaps of self work, then a yr ago, I started to socialise by going to meet up groups and start making new acquaintences. I have also been unhealthy in relationship and am determined to break a habit of co-dependence. Also, OP, ask yourself if sex is what you really want. For me, I was more starved for physical affection than sex. Masturbation is perfectly satisfying to the sex drive, but it does very little for one's needs for intimacy and closeness. By the way, the sexual thermostat will go down if you stop masturbating. I know that sounds completely horrible, but it works. And there is no harm done by that. The sex drive picks right back up when you start getting off again. I hear you and I have stopped masturbating, it's only been like 40hrs so far though. I know you guys get saying it's physical affection and not sex, but I still can't see how external physical stimulation is as satisfying as sex. Also I could have sex with the guy friend with the really small penis, and I tell you it has lots of physical affection but isn't sexually satisfying at all. AT least no more then just masturbating. So I am having trouble buying your assertion that it is only a lack of intimacy. As for the sex drive, I am back at controllable levels, and am determined to keep not masturbating and avoiding unnessary sexual stimulus.
LittleTiger Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 I know you guys get saying it's physical affection and not sex, but I still can't see how external physical stimulation is as satisfying as sex. Also I could have sex with the guy friend with the really small penis, and I tell you it has lots of physical affection but isn't sexually satisfying at all. AT least no more then just masturbating. So I am having trouble buying your assertion that it is only a lack of intimacy. I have a high sex drive and when my partner is around we're at it like rabbits. We love each other to bits and it is the greatest and most satisfying sex (physically and emotionally) that either of us has ever had. It's what I call 'making love' and it only happens in a genuinely loving, sexual relationship. He loves my body (love as a verb) and I love his - just one orgasm and I'm satisfied. When we're apart I masturbate though I try not to do it too much because it just frustrates me. When I'm desperate I can orgasm three or four times in close succession and I am still not satisfied. That's because satisfying sex is emotional and mental, as well as physical. Your friend may give you lots of physical affection but he doesn't love you and you don't love him. Honestly, it makes a massive difference.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 I feel bad for you ... recently you seemed so happy in your posts about the sexual arrangement you had with the new friend, and how great he was in that department. Evidently that situation is not going to take care of that area of your life ... Well, lots of guys will come here and say that they love horny women and that it's a turn on, but in reality I think a high sex drive in a woman can be intimidating to a lot of men and scare them. Some of those guys don't want to be faced with women's "needs." Also, if you have such a high drive I don't think that a FWB deal with one guy could possibly work. You sound like you are going to need sex at LEAST one time per day if not more ... if you do this with one guy, it's going to be a relationship. It's such a big time commitment. I might suggest trying to find a really young guy. Like 18 - 20 years old. Unattached. His sex drive might be a good match for yours, and his drive to get it quenched might make him ready to spend some time with you every day to get that done. Let me ask you this: if you found a guy you really liked, are you interested in having a real relationship (including sex), or are you just looking for regular sex with one partner, but without a deeper bond?
snug.bunny Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Your feeling of aggressiveness is a clue that it is indeed testosterone related. As someone already said, your estrogen probably decreased with age while the testosterone stays. Anyway, can you imagine that men, especially young men have three times higher testosterone than you do right now? Can you imagine what they are going through? Also I find it hilarious that ironically it tends to be other women who cannot accept that some women are just very sexual and insist that there must be underlying psychological issues. I mean these women are so sad. They probably think that since they are never horny, other women must not be horny either and if they are, they must have problems. :laugh: Use your head boy (i.e....your mind)! No one suggested the OP has "psychological issues". There is also nothing wrong with having a high sex drive. Some of us did however - suggest there may be an underlying reason, which it seems as though the OP is now exploring and is open to exploring. Good for her for being receptive and open in that regard.
Author Titania22 Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 I feel bad for you ... recently you seemed so happy in your posts about the sexual arrangement you had with the new friend, and how great he was in that department. Evidently that situation is not going to take care of that area of your life ... Well, lots of guys will come here and say that they love horny women and that it's a turn on, but in reality I think a high sex drive in a woman can be intimidating to a lot of men and scare them. Some of those guys don't want to be faced with women's "needs." Also, if you have such a high drive I don't think that a FWB deal with one guy could possibly work. You sound like you are going to need sex at LEAST one time per day if not more ... if you do this with one guy, it's going to be a relationship. It's such a big time commitment. I might suggest trying to find a really young guy. Like 18 - 20 years old. Unattached. His sex drive might be a good match for yours, and his drive to get it quenched might make him ready to spend some time with you every day to get that done. Let me ask you this: if you found a guy you really liked, are you interested in having a real relationship (including sex), or are you just looking for regular sex with one partner, but without a deeper bond? Thankyou! I think I could survive on once a week, but definately not less than that, I don't think it is practical for me to hope for sex once a day, since my kids are still at home, 3 times a week would be awesome and I would totally move heaven and earth to make that work. Funny you mention young guys, because I am notorious for my love of younger men, especially 18-20yr olds (they are so beautiful and look delicious to me). I am totally down for a relationship, as I have learnt so much this last few months about how my emotions are tied to sex, so I would actually prefer the stability of the label, I think I naturally form a deeper bond. I think your right about the men not wanting to be faced with womens needs. Even in my marriage, my husband wished I would be into sex, but when those incredibly rare moments came when I was desiring sex, rather than be happy and take advantage of it, he would disappear and leave me to suffer (like some kind of punishment), in both relationship the guys said that I was unattractive when I was horny, and that it was a real turn off.
Author Titania22 Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 Your friend may give you lots of physical affection but he doesn't love you and you don't love him. Honestly, it makes a massive difference. Ok. I really see what you are saying now, and it makes alot of sense.
J200 Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Erm, excuse me. I'm one of the women who is saying there are other 'needs' behind her sex drive - and I have a sex drive that is through the roof. There is a world of difference between the male and female sex drive and what causes it - it's not all about testosterone (not even for men). It's a shame you misunderstand women's posts because you have so much to learn about them. I am a woman and I strongly disagree with you. Sex with a stranger can completely satisfy me. Not ALL women need to want sex with an emotional bond, it doesn't have to be with someone you love. It CAN be more exciting with a stranger or with a ONS. Not ALL women crave love or caring or want a relationship. Some just DO want to get pounded by a 10" you-know-what. Assuming that a woman who wants sex with a stranger is secretly yearning for a relationship or sex within a relationship is very insulting. Not ALL women feel that way and it's even worse when it's another woman stating it. Some women do just want to screw just for the sake of screwing. Just because YOU want a "caring sex with someone you love" doesn't mean we ALL crave that secretly.
J200 Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Your friend may give you lots of physical affection but he doesn't love you and you don't love him. Honestly, it makes a massive difference. This is so patronizing! Not all women associate love with sex. Don't assume that all women feel the same way you do. You don't speak for all women. Some just want to shag and that's it! Love and sex don't have to be as one. They CAN be as one but sex is amazing by itself too. Sometimes it can even be BETTER than sex with love. There are plenty of women who can REALLY enjoy sex without love. Just because YOU can't...
Cee Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 I can enjoy sex without love. However, I cannot enjoy sex without respect and too often NSA sex was like that. But if someone can find a mutually satisfying and respectful sexual relationship, more power to them.
Graviton Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Someone please pour some cold water over my head, PSSssshhhh.
LittleTiger Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 I am a woman and I strongly disagree with you. Sex with a stranger can completely satisfy me. Not ALL women need to want sex with an emotional bond, it doesn't have to be with someone you love. It CAN be more exciting with a stranger or with a ONS. Not ALL women crave love or caring or want a relationship. Some just DO want to get pounded by a 10" you-know-what. Assuming that a woman who wants sex with a stranger is secretly yearning for a relationship or sex within a relationship is very insulting. Not ALL women feel that way and it's even worse when it's another woman stating it. Some women do just want to screw just for the sake of screwing. Just because YOU want a "caring sex with someone you love" doesn't mean we ALL crave that secretly. J200, I think you have misunderstood me. I know exactly what it is like to get satisfying sex from a ONS or FWB and I completely agree that some women don't need an emotional bond to want sex. Been there, done that, worn the t-shirt. What I have now happens to be better than anything I've ever experienced before, but you're right, that doesn't mean other women necessarily need or even want the same thing. However, it is my understanding, from what the OP has said here, that ONS and FWB type relationships aren't satisfying her - I am merely offering a detailed explanation (using my own relationship to illustrate it) of why that might be. I make no assumptions that I'm correct. The OP is asking for ideas and this is just another possibility. I stand by my reply to musemaj11 - what I said is not a personal opinion it's how science understands the male and female sex drive - they are different, whether you like it or not.
LittleTiger Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 This is so patronizing! Not all women associate love with sex. Don't assume that all women feel the same way you do. You don't speak for all women. Some just want to shag and that's it! Love and sex don't have to be as one. They CAN be as one but sex is amazing by itself too. Sometimes it can even be BETTER than sex with love. There are plenty of women who can REALLY enjoy sex without love. Just because YOU can't... I'm a little confused by your posts J200. You seem to have a lot of anger(?) directed at an anonymous stranger on a message board who is trying to help another individual. I'm very sorry that I've triggered that, though I don't understand why. Of course I don't speak for all women - how can I do that? Sometimes just 'shagging' is great - I completely agree. I've had a few relationships in my life but after the unbeatably great sex I get now (for me that is - just thought I should clarify!), my ex FWB comes in a close second and a ONS from 20 years ago comes in third. I've also had really unsatisfying sex with a man I loved very deeply. I didn't say anywhere in any of my posts that I, or any other woman, couldn't enjoy sex without love. What I said was that love makes a difference to how sex feels and I believe that this is relevant for the OP. If her high sex drive isn't being satisfied by her FWB and she's not interested in ONSs then I suggested that love may be the missing ingredient. The OP asked for clarification on what I said earlier and, as you can see, she clearly understood what I meant. You don't have to agree with my opinion, I'm offering it for the OP to consider and she is obviously taking what I said as I intended it - as a suggestion that just might help.
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