J003 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 We work together, same department but different section. He's married and I'm in a committed relationship. He's about 10 years older than I am. We normally don't spend a lot of time together, maybe for a few minutes every once in a while. We usually say hi whenever we see each other. Until one day when he gave me a long hug then a kiss on the cheek. I didn't know what to think. I'm not really fimiliar with the cheek kiss and I have no idea what it means. So I didn't think much of it. I thought that maybe that's what he does to his friends so it probably meant nothing. Then the hug becomes linger and he adds a little rub on my back. Not only he kisses me on the cheek, he also starts kissing me on the neck. For some odd reason I feel very comfortable with all that. Now it becomes our routine. I start giving him a cheek kiss as well. I have no idea what his intentions are. He seems to be staring at me whenever he walks by my department. I know that because every time I look up, he's already looking at me and smiles. I know he's married. I have no intention of pursuing him or destroying his marriage. Is it possible for two people to become "special friends"? I have no intention of having a sexual relationship with him. I just like being around him. I don't want to get him into trouble but I don't want to stop hugging and kissing him (on the cheek of course) Is this cheating? Is it okay to continuing doing what we're doing?
Distant78 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 We work together, same department but different section. He's married and I'm in a committed relationship. He's about 10 years older than I am. We normally don't spend a lot of time together, maybe for a few minutes every once in a while. We usually say hi whenever we see each other. Until one day when he gave me a long hug then a kiss on the cheek. I didn't know what to think. I'm not really fimiliar with the cheek kiss and I have no idea what it means. So I didn't think much of it. I thought that maybe that's what he does to his friends so it probably meant nothing. Then the hug becomes linger and he adds a little rub on my back. Not only he kisses me on the cheek, he also starts kissing me on the neck. For some odd reason I feel very comfortable with all that. Now it becomes our routine. I start giving him a cheek kiss as well. I have no idea what his intentions are. He seems to be staring at me whenever he walks by my department. I know that because every time I look up, he's already looking at me and smiles. I know he's married. I have no intention of pursuing him or destroying his marriage. Is it possible for two people to become "special friends"? I have no intention of having a sexual relationship with him. I just like being around him. I don't want to get him into trouble but I don't want to stop hugging and kissing him (on the cheek of course) Is this cheating? Is it okay to continuing doing what we're doing? If you are not a troll then you better stop with this behavior. Tell your SO you've been cheating and stay away from the married creep. He's already looking at you smiling when you lift up your head? Sounds like something out of a movie. Yessir, he's a cheater creeper.
bentnotbroken Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 You posted in the infidelity section. You already know the answer to your question. Yes you are in an affair. You don't have to have sex for that to happen. You can call it "special friend", therapist or whatever....you are still helping this man cheat on his wife and you are his affair partner(AP). Whatever your intentions are, you are right where you want to be and that is undermining his marriage with eventual destruction. Walk a mile in her shoes....would you be okay with your husband kissing another woman's neck? But remember she has no intention of pursuing him or destroying your marriage.
Author J003 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 You posted in the infidelity section. You already know the answer to your question. Yes you are in an affair. You don't have to have sex for that to happen. You can call it "special friend", therapist or whatever....you are still helping this man cheat on his wife and you are his affair partner(AP). Whatever your intentions are, you are right where you want to be and that is undermining his marriage with eventual destruction. Walk a mile in her shoes....would you be okay with your husband kissing another woman's neck? But remember she has no intention of pursuing him or destroying your marriage. Thanks for your advice. But the thing is, I am okay with my SO having a "special friend" I am also okay with him kissing another woman's neck. I'm very open and I guess everyone is different. I thought cheek kissing is very neutral (I forgot to mention that the neck kiss was just one time and probably accidental) The reason I'm posting this just because I need opinions and curious if there's anyone would like to share similar stories.
bentnotbroken Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Thanks for your advice. But the thing is, I am okay with my SO having a "special friend" I am also okay with him kissing another woman's neck. I'm very open and I guess everyone is different. I thought cheek kissing is very neutral (I forgot to mention that the neck kiss was just one time and probably accidental) The reason I'm posting this just because I need opinions and curious if there's anyone would like to share similar stories. Then you should ask his wife if she is open to your friendship.
Distant78 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Then you should ask his wife if she is open to your friendship. Haha, oh we'd know how that will turn out.
anne1707 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Thanks for your advice. But the thing is, I am okay with my SO having a "special friend" But he's not your SO. He's someone else's SO. I am also okay with him kissing another woman's neck. Really? So how would you feel if he kissed the neck of a colleague? I'm very open and I guess everyone is different. I thought cheek kissing is very neutral (I forgot to mention that the neck kiss was just one time and probably accidental) Funny but I know that I have NEVER EVER been kissed on the neck accidentally The reason I'm posting this just because I need opinions and curious if there's anyone would like to share similar stories. There will be similar stories. All of them affairs or potential starts of an affair
desertIslandCactus Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 J003, What you're going through is the Beginning of what can go further. Stop while you can. If or when it goes further, you may feel really uncomfortable about going to your job, if things should turn. Sometime ago I read an online forum regarding the commitment of a married couple. The counselor actually said that on a daily basis, committed people should only talk business to the opposite sex while on the job. Any other polite conversation is limited to short - and infrequently. Physical is out.
Bittersweetie Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Is it possible for two people to become "special friends"? I have no intention of having a sexual relationship with him. I just like being around him. I don't want to get him into trouble but I don't want to stop hugging and kissing him (on the cheek of course) Is this cheating? Is it okay to continuing doing what we're doing? My xAP once called us "special friends." What a load of crap. It's a lame way to try to verbally justify what's going on. If he's married, and you're in a relationship, then yes, this is cheating. Hugging and kissing is just the beginning.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Thanks for your advice. But the thing is, I am okay with my SO having a "special friend" I am also okay with him kissing another woman's neck. I'm very open and I guess everyone is different. I thought cheek kissing is very neutral (I forgot to mention that the neck kiss was just one time and probably accidental) The reason I'm posting this just because I need opinions and curious if there's anyone would like to share similar stories. Using " special friends" to describe your interaction with your coworker is superlative, it is nothing more than an attempt at masking the reality of your relationship- an affair. Can you give me a reasonable excuse for why two individuals would behave thus inappropriately and then excuse it as being " friendly"? OP, if you're trying to pull a blind eye on all of us, you're doing a terrible job.
whichwayisup Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Thanks for your advice. But the thing is, I am okay with my SO having a "special friend" I am also okay with him kissing another woman's neck. I'm very open and I guess everyone is different. I thought cheek kissing is very neutral (I forgot to mention that the neck kiss was just one time and probably accidental) The reason I'm posting this just because I need opinions and curious if there's anyone would like to share similar stories. It won't stop there, a kiss on the neck, cheek will lead to other things and you know it. Sure, right now you're ok with your H having a special friend too, because you have one!!! But, is your H okay with YOU having a special friend? does he know about this and what you're up to? Or are you trying to say you're okay with having this friendship with MM, justifying it? Let your H decide. tell him that you want an open marriage and each of you can have someone on the side, that way it's not cheating. I also wonder what the Mm's wife feels about this.
Sal Paradise Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Thanks for your advice. But the thing is, I am okay with my SO having a "special friend" I am also okay with him kissing another woman's neck. I'm very open and I guess everyone is different. I thought cheek kissing is very neutral (I forgot to mention that the neck kiss was just one time and probably accidental) The reason I'm posting this just because I need opinions and curious if there's anyone would like to share similar stories. You're already making the excuses for your behavior. The slippery slope from we're just friends to you screwing him is just a few more encounters away. And then you'll say "one thing lead to another" or "It just happened" when the truth is you wanted it to happen. As far as the behavior goes.. It doesn't matter if you're ok with him doing it or not all that matter is whether or not your BF is ok with it. If your BF considers what you're doing cheating then its cheating. The fact that you came here asking about it says all you need to know. In 99% of the cases if you have to ask then you've probably crossed the line. If its not a big deal tell the guys wife and tell your BF about it. Something tells me you won't. If you have to keep it secret then its cheating. Basically cheating comes down to this.. If you're engaged in any intimate behavior with another individual whether it be emotional or physical in nature that you would feel uncomfortable or scared to do in front of your significant other - ITS CHEATING! If you have to keep the behavior secret and you're too much of a coward to tell your BF about it then its cheating.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Since you're in a committed relationship, I think the one to be asking would be your SO rather than us. If the "special friendship" is fine with him, and with the other man's wife, of course, who are we to judge. Carry on.
neveragain1 Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 I know he's married. I have no intention of pursuing him or destroying his marriage. ya, but disrespecting his wife is okie doke, not to mention your so-called significant other. Is it possible for two people to become "special friends"? I have no intention of having a sexual relationship with him. I just like being around him. I don't want to get him into trouble but I don't want to stop hugging and kissing him (on the cheek of course) Is this cheating? Is it okay to continuing doing what we're doing? how old are you? for gods sake
neveragain1 Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Thanks for your advice. But the thing is, I am okay with my SO having a "special friend" I am also okay with him kissing another woman's neck. ok then, go ask this guy's wife if she will be ok with it too. whatever her answer is, or whatever you think it would be, there is your answer. if you think she'd be ok with you and him kissing each other, neck or not, then sure. If you think she would not like it at all, then no, this little "special friends" thing is not going to work. "special friends" gee, I get all giggly inside just saying it.
StoneCold Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 You posted in the infidelity section. You already know the answer to your question. Yes you are in an affair. You don't have to have sex for that to happen. You can call it "special friend", therapist or whatever....you are still helping this man cheat on his wife and you are his affair partner(AP). Whatever your intentions are, you are right where you want to be and that is undermining his marriage with eventual destruction. Walk a mile in her shoes....would you be okay with your husband kissing another woman's neck? But remember she has no intention of pursuing him or destroying your marriage. Tell your SO you've been cheating Hugging and kissing on the cheek is cheating???.... Shes having an affair??? C'mon people. to the OP... Dont let these people beat you up they are a special case. FTR You are NOT having an affair LMAO....YET. Its clear this guy has plans for you but as of yet nothing has gone too far. BUT they can and likely will if you keep this up. He has intentions and you're liking it...its inevitable unless one of you back off. But something is telling me there is more to this story because pretty much what you're telling me is you went from a basic level of civility you have with just about anybody in a work place to BANG hugs and kisses....in the office of all places; this isnt typical behaviour. Thats like me stepping out of my office right now and hugging and kissing the first girl that passes by; because we all work together and say "hi" when we see each other. They'd likely look at me as if I was nuts and probably push away out of instinct.
jnj express Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Hey J003----were you just dropped on this planet You know very well that what you are doing is COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE Onetime maybe OK---you give this guy long hugs and kisses on the cheek, every day-----you are not in a relationship with him---so why is it happening---look around your office---IS ANYONE ELSE GIVING EACH OTHER LONG HUGS, AND KISSES i doubt it very much-----look around at your private friends---does that type of activity go on with them---I DOUBT IT You say you are an open type person---so does that mean you and your SO, are gonna go around doing sex parties, and 4somes etc. You are getting to a place with this guy where you don't belong, and you are excusing it to yourself------also I am willing to bet others in your workplace see whats going on, and your SO, just may get a call from someone, or talk to someone at a work social gathering about what you are doing---then you do have a problem What you are doing is inappropriate, and needs to be stopped---and you know it, or you wouldn't even be here
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