huskers11 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 My ex and I have a close group of friends that neither of us plan on giving up. So I'm not even sure if complete NC is possible for us especially since I want to get back together with him so much! I have been making him contact me though, which means he hasn't been. But it wasn't until I joined this site that I've seen all of these posts about the importance about NC.. So i guess I'm just curious what the big deal is, if it actually helps get over the break up, and their are benefits to it? Like I said, in my situation I really don't think complete NC is possible but I'd be willing to try it!!
alphamale Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 the one big benefit of NC is that you maintain your sanity
paiger Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Haha ^. Yes.. maintain your sanity. As well as heal your broken heart... and of course you can't do that when you're constantly talking to him and if he's still there. There are so many threads here about no contact, but every relationship IS different... you can't go wrong with no contact though.
roman_pavluchenko Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 ohh cool, im in the exact same position as you. I was dumped by my girlfriend, we're party of a really close group of friends who catch up a lot. I found this site and deciding to go NC too I tell you though, being part of a close group of friends is really hard, your ex is always there and she still talks to me, despite the fact i try to ignore her. I want her back too, but i got info from this site that just seeing her delays my healing and speeds hers up, so i didnt end up going to a gathering we were having, i went to a massive party instead. Been NC for 3 weeks, havent heard anything from her, starting to accept its not going to work out, so it pretty much helps you move on.
aloneinseattle Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Don't make the same mistake I did, I went NC 6 months. She called me I ran like a puppy dog.Dated again for 1 year 2 months. Then she kicked me to the curb again and now I am back to point A. Do yourself a favor stay NC. Those voices in our head telling us we want them back or we miss them are all just lies. They contact us when they need a back up plan or a rebound. Or just feel guilty for what they did, but their motive seems to always be the same.
willpower Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 actually helps get over the break up, and their are benefits to it? Like I said, in my situation I really don't think complete NC is possible but I'd be willing to try it!! Off the top of my head: - Your emotions are all over the place now, your likely to say some really weird stuff to them which has a good chance of turning them off to you forever and making you seem like a total weirdo - They have moved on, they dont feel love for you any more, seeing them or talking to them regularly will just remind you that you still love them and bring back the old feelings - Contact with them will actively prevent you from meeting new people, as they will still be in your head. Every time you see them your thoughts will think of the meeting or conversation for days and weeks after, believe me I have been there. - From a 'power' point of veiw not contacting them will retain your self respect and value. Sure she may not love you any more but there is a way of leaving with your own dignity and a way of destroying it. Also respect her. She has made her mind up - give her the credit that she deserves in so far as she is the one best able to make her own decisions. If you think you can manipulate her into making the decision YOU want then the relationship is dead anyway as its not healthy. NC is all about you, its about getting your self healthy once again so you can start living a happy life and not be ruled by the actions of someone who no longer cares about you. Just for reference IMHO if NC is not possible then trying to force it actually puts you into a weaker position. The reason is that if NC is not possible and you force it then your now going out of your way and changing your routine to accomodate the other person (if they are there, I cant be there) which in turn is going to mess your head up even further. This is the hardest one to play as seeing them will mess with your head but avoiding them will also mess with your head as you'll be actively taking steps to avoid them and hence you'll be thinking about them while avoiding them. You have to think of it like a small doorway, to the left is going out of your way to contact them in ways you would not normally do to a person who meant nothing to you, to the right is going out of your way to not see that person at the expense of losing out on the things you want to do. Recognise this and aim for the doorway. Once you calibrate where it is you'll get better, in the mean time you'll probably slam into the wall a few times.
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