Els Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 There are plenty of male clingers as well and women don't seem to like it too much. If people are interested in keeping score and power struggles they are not ready for a relationship. Mutual love should happen naturally in a healthy situation. I agree, but in general most of the people I know who consider their SO a little 'needy' or would prefer a little less contact are men. I know very, very few females who have that complaint (unless she isn't interested in the guy to begin with). Not the best of statistics, but it's just been what I observed.
Titania22 Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 In my limited experience I haven't seen a man love me, expect in platonic relationships. I am not so much concerned with if men could love me more, but I am very curious about if it is possible a man to love me and be intimate with me. I know you guys will say that guys are totally capable of loving a women they are intimate with, but I have never seen it, I can't even imagine a dating scenario, where intimacy and sex existed and the man fall in love. would love it if one of you could paint me a picture. Also I think I have been all wrong since I have started dating last november. I have been overnice and considerate, I think it must give the impression that I don't think I am worthy of them and really over grateful. I am not the type to be a bitch, but I think I need to show less concern about their feelings. Anyway it couldn't hurt to try something different, "insanity being doing the same thing over and expecting a different result".
Els Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 In my limited experience I haven't seen a man love me, expect in platonic relationships. I am not so much concerned with if men could love me more, but I am very curious about if it is possible a man to love me and be intimate with me. I know you guys will say that guys are totally capable of loving a women they are intimate with, but I have never seen it, I can't even imagine a dating scenario, where intimacy and sex existed and the man fall in love. would love it if one of you could paint me a picture. Also I think I have been all wrong since I have started dating last november. I have been overnice and considerate, I think it must give the impression that I don't think I am worthy of them and really over grateful. I am not the type to be a bitch, but I think I need to show less concern about their feelings. Anyway it couldn't hurt to try something different, "insanity being doing the same thing over and expecting a different result". I am sorry to hear this. Being considerate has always helped me in a relationship. I can think of two reasons for your dilemma: 1) Are you setting too high a standard for 'love'? Do you perhaps think 'love' should be something completely unconditional, that never needs to be worked on, that never doubts or falters, from which you always get what you want? , or 2) Are you perhaps associating with the wrong sort of men?
xpaperxcutx Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 In my limited experience I haven't seen a man love me, expect in platonic relationships. I am not so much concerned with if men could love me more, but I am very curious about if it is possible a man to love me and be intimate with me. I know you guys will say that guys are totally capable of loving a women they are intimate with, but I have never seen it, I can't even imagine a dating scenario, where intimacy and sex existed and the man fall in love. would love it if one of you could paint me a picture. Also I think I have been all wrong since I have started dating last november. I have been overnice and considerate, I think it must give the impression that I don't think I am worthy of them and really over grateful. I am not the type to be a bitch, but I think I need to show less concern about their feelings. Anyway it couldn't hurt to try something different, "insanity being doing the same thing over and expecting a different result". Albert Einstein. It is unfortunate most everyone today is indifferent towards expressive actions, the more you show you care, the more you drive people away. Is this why men act more aloof and women act more impassive? And the parties on the receiving ends, chase.
Els Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Albert Einstein. It is unfortunate most everyone today is indifferent towards expressive actions, the more you show you care, the more you drive people away. Is this why men act more aloof and women act more impassive? And the parties on the receiving ends, chase. I disagree. A huge part of the reason I fell for my bf in the beginning was how much he cared, and it still plays a large part in my attraction for him now, 3 years later.
Author jane100 Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 Interesting comments though I think only a few quite got my point but thats OK. (apart from Musemaj of course, why are you even on this thread - your posts are all so creepy and crass, I have now put you on my ignore list ).
Woggle Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 This thread is really showing me that women have their version of nice guy rants as well because switch the genders and almost word for word this is what men talk about amongst ourselves. It seems that the less you care about a woman the more chases after you and the more you love the less she cares. I haver seen men get fed up and turn into jerks and almost every time it works like a charm for the guy. Women are all over them. I would never do this because I don't want a woman that chases after jerks but it does work.
Woggle Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 I agree, but in general most of the people I know who consider their SO a little 'needy' or would prefer a little less contact are men. I know very, very few females who have that complaint (unless she isn't interested in the guy to begin with). Not the best of statistics, but it's just been what I observed. I have seen completely different. It is usually the women who want space and hate a man taking over their life. The exceptions I see tend to be when women chase after a completely unavailable man but when a man loves a woman back she tends to get annoyed with him very quick.
Woggle Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Ideally of course it should be an equal case of ups/downs, give/take. But I do believe that some people are happy in relationships where the balance is somewhat off. I have a friend married to a man who chased her crazy when they met. She said no several times before saying yes. She decided he was "very nice" and went with it. But to this day she will admit he loves her more than she loves him. She rarely gives him sexual attention. However, she is happy because she is just the kind of person who wants the security of knowing he will never leave (because he loves her so much more). And he is happy too simply because he is still challenged by her distance. It sounds twisted...but just an example of why I think it really just comes down to what we consider to be "content" enough. And we all have different ideas of that based on our past experiences. In this case these two are happy this way all because they both have their reasons for why it works. Is it true love? Probably not. But I guess the important thing is they might think so... Situations like this are ripe for an affair when she meets a man who makes her weak in the knees. I feel sorry for this guy. Just read some of the infidelity stories to see what happens when a man loves the woman more.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Situations like this are ripe for an affair when she meets a man who makes her weak in the knees. I feel sorry for this guy. Just read some of the infidelity stories to see what happens when a man loves the woman more. Ditto. It's an unhealthy situation. That woman likes the security of knowing he won't leave... that man deserves equal security.
utterer of lies Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 The one who loves the other the least, has the power. With self-control, not necessarily. Most people don't have that, though.
MrNate Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Gonna have to side with hokie's sentiments and others that are along that line as well. Equal would be best. Anything else just seems sad and miserable. Even then, how in the world do you measure who is doing the most of the loving any way? What units are we talking here? Hearts? Poems? I see where this idea is coming from. It sounds great in theory, but disastrous in the real world.
Titania22 Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 I am sorry to hear this. Being considerate has always helped me in a relationship. I can think of two reasons for your dilemma: 1) Are you setting too high a standard for 'love'? Do you perhaps think 'love' should be something completely unconditional, that never needs to be worked on, that never doubts or falters, from which you always get what you want? , or 2) Are you perhaps associating with the wrong sort of men? When I refer to love in this instance I am not referring to my definition of love, but whether the men themselves consider that they love me. My husband married me, because he thought I loved him, I married him, because I thought he loved me. So that was a total screw up. So deciding that your partner loves you more, doesn't work if they were just pretending. (I was dumb and 19, so please don't think i am still making choices like that.) My long term boyfriend still loved his ex girlfriend, he admitted that he loved me as he was leaving, so for him it is only in the act of moving on that makes him love. He loves in retrospect. Other men I have never kisses or tried to be anything but friends with have loved me. But no one I have had sex with, has whilst the sex is happening. I do think love should be unconditional, but that is something I put on myself, I believe in respecting others free will to make there own choices, and I like building people up. Ethically I abhor the idea of keeping someone feeling less than they are so they feel lucky to have you. That's the kind of crap my now ex husband pulled on me, sure it does work for a while, but I find it disgusting. I would rather believe there are men out there who can rise above there preprogrammed responses and appreciate someone who isn't trying to manipulate them (although I am not above manipulating the labidos occasionally by being ubersexy;)). I am just considering that perhaps they are just a collection of preprogrammed behaviour patterns, and the being distant thing works because most people in general have no interest in recognising their patterns of behaviour (they would rather have another drink and fall for the same kinds of women all over again). The sort of men I meet have changed dramatically over the years, generally they seem to be a much higher quality now. They are more intelligent, more respectful, less disfunctional, but I still don't see any marked change in patterns of love. They still seem to fall in love with the unobtainable women. Take the guy I met in Novenber, he spent 2hrs on the phone with me yesterday helping me with my computer troubles (sweety that he is), but is still in love with his online girlfriend that he has never met. Albert Einstein. It is unfortunate most everyone today is indifferent towards expressive actions, the more you show you care, the more you drive people away. Is this why men act more aloof and women act more impassive? And the parties on the receiving ends, chase. This is what I have always noticed. The problem with my behaviour lately, is that I have probably come across as chasing, when all I was aiming for was considerate and not aloof. I have seen completely different. It is usually the women who want space and hate a man taking over their life. The exceptions I see tend to be when women chase after a completely unavailable man but when a man loves a woman back she tends to get annoyed with him very quick. Hey Woggle, I get what your saying, and I would just clarify that I am not looking for co depedence or someone to take over my life. I am quite happy for a guy to still have his space. I was more questioning the idea of guys being able to love someone they are sexually involved with, whilst they are sexually involved with them. You are obviously an exception, and I am sure there are others, but it completely baffles me as to what is the piece of the puzzle that makes the difference.
Kamille Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Even then, how in the world do you measure who is doing the most of the loving any way? What units are we talking here? Hearts? Poems? Oh My little Pony How I love thee Your swinging mane I love in vain For always you shall Love me only as a pal.
MrNate Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Oh My little Pony How I love thee Your swinging mane I love in vain For always you shall Love me only as a pal. What if I want to be more than a pal?
Kamille Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 What if I want to be more than a pal? By the rules book of how to calculate love, you'll have to show your love by writing a poem or sending me a heart. Otherwise, I love you more than you love me.
MrNate Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 By the rules book of how to calculate love, you'll have to show your love by writing a poem or sending me a heart. Otherwise, I love you more than you love me. Done. <3 < So now according to my 1.5 hearts, i indeed love you more. To balance this out, I will require approximately a half of a poem from you. I think a lesson has been learned here today
Kamille Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Done. <3 < So now according to my 1.5 hearts, i indeed love you more. To balance this out, I will require approximately a half of a poem from you. I think a lesson has been learned here today Hehehe! Half a heart half a poem I knew from the start (...)
Recommended Posts