jane100 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Or the woman? I saw this somewhere on an earlier thread. If feels to me the former, for reasons I can't quite articulate.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 No. I look at it like this. No one loves someone with the same amount of interest all the time. Sometimes you love them more than they love you... sometimes they love you more than you love them. On average, over time, both parties should be equally into eachother. Any other situation will not be stable.
somedude81 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 The one who loves the other the least, has the power.
USMCHokie Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 On average, over time, both parties should be equally into eachother. Any other situation will not be stable. This. -----
musemaj11 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 If feels to me the former, for reasons I can't quite articulate. You say that because you are a woman. On the other hand, men will say its the latter. DUH! Such a dumb topic.
K.K. Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 "Is it better if the man loves a little more?" Yea .. Better for me!
Woggle Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 A good relationship should not be a power struggle.
fishtaco Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Mrlonelylone has the ideal situation. But that, unfortunately, doesn't always happen. Actually I should say, usually doesn't happen. That's why so many relationships break up. The one who loves the other the least, has the power. This, is also correct. When you love less, you do have the control, but you also could feel unfulfilled and want more. So I'd say there's no better or worse. It's whatever it ends up being.
Nexus One Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 To prevent problems stemming from this issue I have a simple rule. I need to have a crush on her, be infatuated with her, be addicted to her, be in love with her. She needs have a crush on me, be infatuated with me, be addicted to me, be in love with me, otherwise no game. I want the real deal and be on equal footing with her. Sounds pretty standard actually right? Well I get the feeling it's not. I feel a lot of people don't actually follow a rule like this, even though it seems like the most obvious thing to do. I get the feeling a lot of people stick with a person where at least one of the two persons is actually not head over heels. According to statistics only 10% of all couples stay in love(infatuated) with each other for their entire lives. So yes it's possible, but real love, that romantic ideal most people know is actually quite rare. Regardless, I'm aiming to be amongst that 10%. Can't win if you don't try right?
Cee Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Mr. Lonelyone said it so well about love averaging out. It's so true. There are many ups and downs in feeling love. I have learned not to panic about that. Sometimes something as simple as a long, deep sleep would restore my capacity to give again.
Author jane100 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 You say that because you are a woman. On the other hand, men will say its the latter. DUH! Such a dumb topic. ts pretty clear where the dumb comment is here - they are all of yours on every thread, lol!
Author jane100 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 I said a "little" more, not a total disparity in feeling. I think the reason I feel this is because if the man loves a little more, the relationship overall is more BALANCED if that makes sense, perhaps because of the woman's tendency to take more of an active role in caring.
kdark Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I said a "little" more, not a total disparity in feeling. I think the reason I feel this is because if the man loves a little more, the relationship overall is more BALANCED if that makes sense, perhaps because of the woman's tendency to take more of an active role in caring. This makes no sense. What is "an active role in caring"? And how can you say the relationship is balanced when there is already a disparity? I'm with musemaji on this one. It seems like you want the man to love more "just because". It gives you that warm fuzzies inside, so it has to be right.
Author jane100 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 (edited) Its just over your head thats all. Edited February 27, 2011 by jane100
Els Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I think this is a question far too deep and complicated to be navigated without turning into a flame fest, but I'll state my piece. Probably the man, because men in general have more issues about 'clinginess' than women do. And it's a fine line between 'being into someone' and 'being clingy'. In fact, the line changes all the time depending on the couple and individual preferences. Someone would see calling your partner 3x a day and/or meeting them everyday as clingy/needy. Someone else would think it to be the perfect relationship. Now, MORE men in general fall into the former category, and more women into the former. Just my observation, YMMV. So if the guy is the one 'a little more into her', this dynamic is eased a little with both parties headed for the middle line. Just as how if anyone ever asked the question, "Is it better for the man or woman in an R to have a higher sex drive than average", I would answer the woman.
kdark Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Its just over your head thats all. Just like your other referred poster, looking for offence and negativity where none intended. I was just looking for clarity. I wasn't trying to offend or be negative. Please, explain to me why you think a relationship is better when the man loves the woman more. Because I can't see any reason, other than the typical gender roles bs of women being more insecure and needing constant reassurance from her man of his love, which isn't a good reason in my book.
Kamille Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 A good relationship should not be a power struggle. ---this too--- I think I would be pretty unhappy in a relationship where I loved the person less than they loved me. For me love is freedom. It's being able to be open about how madly into the other person you are. I'm wondering if the distinction you're looking for isn't so much about who loves who more, but who should take the lead most often in the relationship. In other words, if you feel you tend to take a more active role in caring, it could also mean you're doing most of the problem-solving that benefits the relationship. IME, when one partner does most of the problem-solving, problems ensue. The "caring" partner starts feeling insecure while the other might end up feeling alienated from the relationship. So it's not about who loves more, it's about finding a better way to handle problem-solving in a relationship.
Els Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Urgh, I meant to say 'Now, MORE men in general fall into the former category, and more women into the latter', but the next post came too fast. =/
Author jane100 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 I think this is a question far too deep and complicated to be navigated without turning into a flame fest, but I'll state my piece. Yes, its probably a deep and subtle question, at least someone gets that, and thanks for your input. Even if there are no black-and-white answers. Ultimately, of course an equal and abiding love is the ideal, but not often achieved wouldn't you say? But my observations are that the relationship is mutually happiest and most stable when the man loves a little more. The drama when the woman loves a little - or alot - more ...
Mrlonelyone Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Jane... I disagree I think that the woman should love the man more. Men who are insecure and think the woman does not love them as much have a tendency to become violent. Men are often emotional and insecure and need constant reassurance that the woman loves them. This is why some men become possessive and jealous if another man even looks at a woman. .... Jane, your logic for why the man should love more than the woman sounds just like what I laid out above for why the woman should love more than the man. Does it make as much sense? Men can cause drama to. Drama is part of the ups and downs of a relationship. Just so long as over time, it all averages out... a relationship can work.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Ask Tiger20. He has all the correct statistics on this matter.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 This is not a gender specific issue. The problem falls on the personality of the involving parties and who feels the most insecure about the balance of the relationship. Yes, in a way it is a power play, but it is also a defense mechanism.
Author jane100 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 Ask Tiger20. He has all the correct statistics on this matter. Chuckle..... I like a bit of humour on LS!
Woggle Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 There are plenty of male clingers as well and women don't seem to like it too much. If people are interested in keeping score and power struggles they are not ready for a relationship. Mutual love should happen naturally in a healthy situation.
musemaj11 Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 (edited) This makes no sense. What is "an active role in caring"? And how can you say the relationship is balanced when there is already a disparity? As I said, the premise of the topic itself is just inherently dumb. Even a sixth grader would be laughed upon if he said "One is more than the other, therefore it is balanced." Extremely obtuse. The reason why relationships where the man loves the woman more seems 'happier' is because society has different threshold of sympathy toward men and women. Compare these two situations: A) The man works seven days a week, the woman doesnt work and only spends her time shopping with her husband's money. B)The woman works seven days a week, the man doesnt work and only spends his time drinking beer and partying with his wife's money. Which situation is more likely to garner people's empathy the most? Of course Situation B! It causes more drama because society sees the mistreatment of women more unacceptable than the mistreatment of men. Edited February 28, 2011 by musemaj11
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