BS76 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 See that's the thing she said she wouldn't go if it was her! I know she wouldn't because if she ever goes out with her friends I'm always invited. She actually turned down a friends bday party b/c it was girls only and I wouldn't be invited. I told her to go and she still didn't. And? You don't realize it yet, but she's already dictating the terms of the relationship. By making you even consider not going because she didn't go to her friend's bday party is evidence as such. And I know full well what's coming next if you haven't seen it already, she'll try to use that against you, that she didn't go and so you going wouldn't be fair. Well boo freaking hoo! That's her choice and it should in no way affect how you interact with your friends who you've got a lot more allegiance to than a woman you've only known for 6 months.
K.K. Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 I think she's going to remember it always as a 'red flag' though if you go. I think she'll probably hold it against you in the back of her mind forever. She has problems and issues with it. She didn't go to whatever birthday party just so you wouldn't feel uncomfortable. That was really sweet of her. She put you first. I don't know... depends on who you care about more. If you don't see her being around in 5 years or so... then go. If you see her as the mother of your children, then think hard about it. I'm just saying. Not talking about the trust issue or being politically correct here... I'm talking about human emotions and if she's willing to tell you to put your key on the table because it would HURT her THAT deeply if you go then... well... should you go? (I mean only you can answer that really)
LuckyLady13 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 My fiance treats me well and so I treat him well and take his feelings into consideration. We care about how each other feels and yet manage to have our own lives, feelings about things and we're not having any problems. And by the way, the people who went to the bachelorette party happened to be single. They had no relationship to worry about and probably had a great time. In the end, not a soul held it against me that I didn't go.
Author flyfishin Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 My final choice not to go. My g/f called me a little while ago and said she doesn't want me to go and she said she will allow me to go and I could stay over but only to go if in my heart I really want too and she promised she wouldn't fight with me over it. Eventhough she said she probably wouldn't get a wink of sleep until I got home. I decided to tell her I'm not going and she sounded so relieved and happy. She said the bachelor party isn't important but its us going to the wedding that is. I feel good about my choice becauser deep down I know she wouldn't go. Thanks for all your help and I think I made the right choice
K.K. Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Look at that...she actually loves you and cares for you so much that she was going to let your needs come first and try not to nag even though it meant she would be losing sleep and no doubt dying inside. Oh hell yeah you made the right choice. She sounds awesome to me.
LuckyLady13 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Wow. Fly, it sounds like you two treat each other really well. That is so cool!
wbr4p Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Tonight is a good friend of mine from high schools bachelor party. He and I haven't seen each other much lately but we used to be very close friends at one time. Tonight is his bachelor party and him and some old buddies of mine will be there I haven't seen in awhile. Problem is g/f is giving me a hard time because it is at a strip club! I can't believe it. I always spend the weekends at her house and the party is right by her house. I live a hour away. She told me to leave the key if I decide to go and I'm not welcome back at her house tonight! She's leaving me in a tough position. I don't want to drive a hour after partying all night. I don't want to disrespect my friend by not showing up and I don't want to fight with my g/f over this! What the hell do I do? im a very jealous bitch insecure person, but its a freakin stag party and a strip club, i feel better its not a house party thing where guys can have sex w/ escorts in the rooms, well u can do that in a strip club too but the odds are its more gonna happen in a house party than in an establishment. she needs to focus on herself, make herself prettier and **** so she doesnt concentrate on you.
Els Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 My final choice not to go. My g/f called me a little while ago and said she doesn't want me to go and she said she will allow me to go and I could stay over but only to go if in my heart I really want too and she promised she wouldn't fight with me over it. Eventhough she said she probably wouldn't get a wink of sleep until I got home. I decided to tell her I'm not going and she sounded so relieved and happy. She said the bachelor party isn't important but its us going to the wedding that is. I feel good about my choice becauser deep down I know she wouldn't go. Thanks for all your help and I think I made the right choice I'm glad to hear that. Seriously, all this could be avoided if bachelor parties just weren't held in bloody strip clubs. I always found that bit of American culture peculiar. You'd want to go to support your friend, but does it HAVE to be in such a controversial place when some of the groom's friends aren't exactly 'bachelors' anymore? Back where I come from the guys just hung out at someone's house or hit a club.
Ay Diesel T Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Well, OP - you'll learn the hard way. You should not be comforting your girlfriend's insecurities. At. all.
Feelin Frisky Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I would be willing to not go to the party. But it would piss me off royally to have my SO give me that kind of ultimatum. You must be set o going, so good luck. Personally I wouldn't have let it get this far. If I approached her about it early on and she really had a problem with it, I'd pass on it. It's a "mob" kind of thing and I hate being any part of that. A strip club is not some place to go to prove you're hot stuff.
sweetjasmine Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Seriously, all this could be avoided if bachelor parties just weren't held in bloody strip clubs. I always found that bit of American culture peculiar. You'd want to go to support your friend, but does it HAVE to be in such a controversial place when some of the groom's friends aren't exactly 'bachelors' anymore? Back where I come from the guys just hung out at someone's house or hit a club. I don't get it either. If you're just about to get married, you're not single and you haven't been single for a long time. You're not celebrating your last day as a single man because that day passed a long time ago when you first committed to being in an exclusive relationship. Going out and having a great time with the guys or the gals is a neat, fun tradition, but I think the strip club thing is odd. I personally find frequenting strip clubs inappropriate for people in a committed relationship. My SO wouldn't appreciate me going clubbing and dry humping a shirtless stranger, so why would I have to twist myself into knots to accept him having a stranger in a G string give him a lap dance? And it really does put people in awkward situations. My SO was invited to a bachelor party where they were planning on hitting a few strip clubs, and he knew I didn't find that appropriate. And he didn't feel like going to them, either, but he wanted to be there with his friends. We talked about it, and it upset me, but I felt like an a-hole for being upset by it. It put him in the position to either upset me or disappoint his friends. He ended up going, but they never made it past the first two (regular) bars. One of the groom's idiot friends instigated a small fight with a random guy in the bar, so they scrapped the strip clubs and went home.
Ay Diesel T Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I'd love for my GF to give me that ultimatum, lol, she'd be thoroughly pissed. I'd be out the door before she could even finish her ultimatum. 1. I'm an adult. 2. I'm not going to baby and comfort someone's insecurities 3. I'm entitled to enjoy myself. 4. I can go to the strip club, enjoy myself, and not have any physical contact with the strippers. 5. It's a bachelor's party, it's a tradition that it meant for fun. To let your insecure GF/Wife **** on a ceremony that your good friend wants you to be a part of, to celebrate his upcoming marriage...that's just a load of crap lol. You boys need to man up.
phenotype22 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I'd love for my GF to give me that ultimatum, lol, she'd be thoroughly pissed. I'd be out the door before she could even finish her ultimatum. 1. I'm an adult. 2. I'm not going to baby and comfort someone's insecurities 3. I'm entitled to enjoy myself. 4. I can go to the strip club, enjoy myself, and not have any physical contact with the strippers. 5. It's a bachelor's party, it's a tradition that it meant for fun. To let your insecure GF/Wife **** on a ceremony that your good friend wants you to be a part of, to celebrate his upcoming marriage...that's just a load of crap lol. You boys need to man up. I concur. Fly did what he had to do, but I personally would have ditched her.
BS76 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 My final choice not to go. My g/f called me a little while ago and said she doesn't want me to go and she said she will allow me to go and I could stay over but only to go if in my heart I really want too and she promised she wouldn't fight with me over it. Eventhough she said she probably wouldn't get a wink of sleep until I got home. I decided to tell her I'm not going and she sounded so relieved and happy. She said the bachelor party isn't important but its us going to the wedding that is. I feel good about my choice becauser deep down I know she wouldn't go. Thanks for all your help and I think I made the right choice And another man hands his balls over to the woman to keep tucked away in her purse.
SmileFace Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 And another man hands his balls over to the woman to keep tucked away in her purse. I have been tempted to write this for so long. Man you just gave her your balls on a silver platter. He can't get those back. Yeah - relationships , blah blah - thinking of each other , blah blah blah!
Knittress Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I have been tempted to write this for so long. Man you just gave her your balls on a silver platter. He can't get those back. Yeah - relationships , blah blah - thinking of each other , blah blah blah! To be honest, I agree. I don't think being your own man means being a self-absorbed dick (as per some of the attitudes expressed), but definitely don't swing the other way and conclude that being a sensitive partner means being a pansy, either. It's not hot! (And she might even notice this at some point down the line and then leave another 'women only want jerks' poster on LS)
xpaperxcutx Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Bro's before hoe's It sounds like a rare event where the old gang gets together again. It would be silly to miss it. If and when you get into a relationship, I would like to know your reaction to a friend of yours calling your SO a " ho". Some of the replies on here are ridiculous. It's true the girlfriend went overboard with the ultimatum but we have to be sensitive to the issue that is a relationship, not a date that you dump because they flaked. I find it callous to tell the OP to dump the girlfriend for having " insecurities".
Els Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 To be honest, I agree. I don't think being your own man means being a self-absorbed dick (as per some of the attitudes expressed), but definitely don't swing the other way and conclude that being a sensitive partner means being a pansy, either. It's not hot! (And she might even notice this at some point down the line and then leave another 'women only want jerks' poster on LS) On the contrary. It takes being the bigger person to be the one to give in in a disagreement. It would be different if the OP's gf had insisted that he never see his friends again, never drink with them or watch footie with them, etc. But in this case he could see how much it upsetted her and was willing to take a hit on himself for ONE night to make her feel better. Now THAT takes balls, for all the things the guys would call him. Look at what some posters here are calling him. The pansy thing to do would be to go when he didn't even WANT to personally (if you actually read his post) just because he was afraid of being called henpecked, giving his balls over to her, etc.
Els Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 And it really does put people in awkward situations. My SO was invited to a bachelor party where they were planning on hitting a few strip clubs, and he knew I didn't find that appropriate. And he didn't feel like going to them, either, but he wanted to be there with his friends. We talked about it, and it upset me, but I felt like an a-hole for being upset by it. It put him in the position to either upset me or disappoint his friends. He ended up going, but they never made it past the first two (regular) bars. One of the groom's idiot friends instigated a small fight with a random guy in the bar, so they scrapped the strip clubs and went home. Precisely. I really wonder what'd happen if bridal showers entailed the women themselves doing nude pole dancing with guys around. Or maybe some sort of hypothetical 'romance club' where the guys wine and dine the women, massage their nude bodies, etc. Would the men here hollering at the OP for being a 'pansy', be happy about their gfs going? I recall a thread about a guy being unhappy about his gf taking a pole dancing class with her gfs that was all WOMEN and fully clothed, for heavens' sake.. and most guys supported him! Double standards, anyone?
Els Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 (edited) What? So a massage is worse than a strip club now? And the women doing nude pole dancing aren't touching the men either. Also, if there are lapdances being offered, the strippers would be touching HIM. Your response doesn't really surprise me, though. Edited February 28, 2011 by Elswyth
Ay Diesel T Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 What? So a massage is worse than a strip club now? And the women doing nude pole dancing don't necessarily have to be touched by the men either, just watched. Your response doesn't really surprise me, though. The equivalent of the nude pole dancing would be, SURPRISE, the OP himself stripping nude infront of a bunch of women. The equivalent of the OP's scenario is, SURPRISE AGAIN, a bachelorette party. Don't fight your petty war on strip clubs in this thread.
Els Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 The equivalent of the nude pole dancing would be, SURPRISE, the OP himself stripping nude infront of a bunch of women. The equivalent of the OP's scenario is, SURPRISE AGAIN, a bachelorette party. Don't fight your petty war on strip clubs in this thread. Oh? So the men here would be fine with their gfs enjoying buff male strippers, then? IME the majority of bachelorette parties don't involve those, but if you say so... Speak for yourself. This thread IS about strip clubs. And the only reason I'm speaking up is because it's saddening to see people ripping on a guy for having the balls to do the right thing.
Ay Diesel T Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 If by the right thing you mean hand his nuts over to his girlfriend's hungry vagina, then yeah I guess maybe it was the right thing to do.......for a sucker. What's wrong with male strippers? Lol, it's a bachelorette party. Just because male strippers are there doesn't mean that she's going to be on some other dudes dick, or touching another guy. Next thing you'll be telling me is that looking at another sexually attractive person is a crime punishable by neutering. Yeah ok. Maybe it was the right thing for you. And for the OP. Personally, I think the OP pussed out so he wouldn't catch heat from his GF and secured his reliable supply of sex. Vagina is worse than crack cocaine.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 You should definitely go to the party. What she is asking for is unreasonable. It would be one thing if you were going, just for the hell of it. But it's your best friend from HS! I'd say that she's being very unreasonable.
lenny Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 I do think you did the right thing. The thing though I think you need to address in your relationship is the never going anywhere without each other. It's fine to decline the bachelor party over the basis of it being at a strip club but I think her turning down a girl's only night with the expectation that you wouldn't do any activities without her is a little over the top. I really think you need to talk to her about this.
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