flyfishin Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Tonight is a good friend of mine from high schools bachelor party. He and I haven't seen each other much lately but we used to be very close friends at one time. Tonight is his bachelor party and him and some old buddies of mine will be there I haven't seen in awhile. Problem is g/f is giving me a hard time because it is at a strip club! I can't believe it. I always spend the weekends at her house and the party is right by her house. I live a hour away. She told me to leave the key if I decide to go and I'm not welcome back at her house tonight! She's leaving me in a tough position. I don't want to drive a hour after partying all night. I don't want to disrespect my friend by not showing up and I don't want to fight with my g/f over this! What the hell do I do?
Author flyfishin Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 Any advice? This thing starts in a couple of hours and I'm torn at what to do
TaraMaiden Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Go, then cool it for a couple of days. if she's not prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt, and trust you, the issues are hers, not yours. Call her bluff, then let her contact you. How long have you been with her?
Woggle Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Go and if she leaves you over this consider it a bullet dodged.
K.K. Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Whose feelings do you care more about- your friend from high school that you probably won't see for another umpteen years? or..your girlfriend's?
Author flyfishin Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 Go, then cool it for a couple of days. if she's not prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt, and trust you, the issues are hers, not yours. Call her bluff, then let her contact you. How long have you been with her? Like 6 months
somedude81 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Why would a girl even care if you go to a strip club? Is she jealous, a prude or something? Just tell her that you are going to go to support an old friend.
Author flyfishin Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 Why would a girl even care if you go to a strip club? Is she jealous, a prude or something? Just tell her that you are going to go to support an old friend. She def has jealous tendencies...plus this may stem from her ex who loved strip clubs and would go behind her back to them all the time
TaraMaiden Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Like 6 months Would you say you see her as being the absolute love of your life, the one you want to spend the remainder of your days with? I'm asking.
Knittress Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Seriously, I can't get a guy to text me once a week without him flipping out about me being unreasonable, and then there's guys who'll put up with THIS? PFT! If she's being a bit over the top about this, then it's probably indicative of future issues. Who do you think is going to matter more in your life another six months from now, eh? Some girl you dated once, or your high school buddy? But definitely be more tactful that I just was.
Author flyfishin Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 Would you say you see her as being the absolute love of your life, the one you want to spend the remainder of your days with? I'm asking. Without a doubt....never felt like this about someone before...any girl I've ever dated before I wouldn't have second guessed it and went and dealt with the consequences later.but this one is different
somedude81 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 She def has jealous tendencies...plus this may stem from her ex who loved strip clubs and would go behind her back to them all the time OK, that's a key piece of info. I think you should have a calm conversation with her and tell her that you want to support your friend. And then reassure her that she's the only girl for you. Get her to tell you why she is so against strip clubs. It's also important to be firm.
LuckyLady13 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 I'm with other people on this. Who is more important? You can argue in your head right now about who's right and who's wrong but when it comes down to it, you barely see your friend so he hasn't been that important to you. Now are you willing to possibly lose your girl to "support" a friend you're not even close to any more?
somedude81 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 I'm with other people on this. Who is more important? You can argue in your head right now about who's right and who's wrong but when it comes down to it, you barely see your friend so he hasn't been that important to you. Now are you willing to possibly lose your girl to "support" a friend you're not even close to any more? Bro's before hoe's It sounds like a rare event where the old gang gets together again. It would be silly to miss it.
Author flyfishin Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 I'm with other people on this. Who is more important? You can argue in your head right now about who's right and who's wrong but when it comes down to it, you barely see your friend so he hasn't been that important to you. Now are you willing to possibly lose your girl to "support" a friend you're not even close to any more? Yeah you're right. I mean him and I speak once every month maybe. We used to see each other everyday and were very close at one point but work, family, etc. Kept us apart. I don't know what excuse to tell him so last minute! Plus what kills me is the fact I know he would go it were mine! I guess I have to think about losing my girl like u said!
Author flyfishin Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 Bro's before hoe's It sounds like a rare event where the old gang gets together again. It would be silly to miss it. Damn I'm so torn...its def a rare get together bro!
SmileFace Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Bro's before hoe's . I agree. First it will be bachelor parties, so be it at a strip. Next she will be forbidding you against going on ski trips. The point is - she has to let you live . I know , think who is more important , blah blah blah but take this now and you will be stuck in the house with her for the duration of your relationship. Don't go - I am pretty sure you will soon learn to resent her. Yes it is a strip club - oh well. She should trust you enough. Forget what she experienced with her ex.You should not have to deal with his mishaps.
LuckyLady13 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Being that it's a rare get together, what have you got to lose? It sounds like too much! For one night? This reminds me of the person who cheats just once and loses their house, their spouse, their kids...everything they have for one night of fun. Know what I mean? What works in this friends relationship may not work with yours. You said your girlfriend has a bad past with an ex regarding this stuff. Your relationship sounds different than your friends.
LuckyLady13 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Regarding what SmileFace said: Next thing ya know it will be ski trips? For me personally, if my friends invite me on a ski trip, I'm grabbing my fiance and taking him with me. I'm with him because I like spending time with him. He never feels ditched by me. Our relationship keeps getting stronger the past year. I can't picture being without him. And that doesn't mean I can't have friends. I include him in my life and turned down a bachelorette party last year because I wasn't going to a strip club while he sat home wondering. I showed up at the wedding which was more important anyway.
Author flyfishin Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 Regarding what SmileFace said: Next thing ya know it will be ski trips? For me personally, if my friends invite me on a ski trip, I'm grabbing my fiance and taking him with me. I'm with him because I like spending time with him. He never feels ditched by me. Our relationship keeps getting stronger the past year. I can't picture being without him. And that doesn't mean I can't have friends. I include him in my life and turned down a bachelorette party last year because I wasn't going to a strip club while he sat home wondering. I showed up at the wedding which was more important anyway. See that's the thing she said she wouldn't go if it was her! I know she wouldn't because if she ever goes out with her friends I'm always invited. She actually turned down a friends bday party b/c it was girls only and I wouldn't be invited. I told her to go and she still didn't.
Cee Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 I'm the type of person, who wants to find a middle road solution. I'd skip the strip club. I'd probably call my friend and explain that the GF is uncomfortable. Then, I would arrange a one-on-one outing with my friend or maybe invite the group out for something. I would make my male friend feel special and cared about. So the friend would get my undivided attention at another time. I would talk to my GF about how hard it was to be in a position to choose. And that in the future, I would not tolerate ultimatums. That I am interested in honesty and compromise.
Woggle Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 It's good that she does not have a double standard but a healthy relationships needs both people to also have their own interests. I never go to strip clubs but I like to go to New York with the guys sometimes and she likes to go to Atlantic City with her best friend. It's healthy to have your own interests.
BS76 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Tonight is a good friend of mine from high schools bachelor party. He and I haven't seen each other much lately but we used to be very close friends at one time. Tonight is his bachelor party and him and some old buddies of mine will be there I haven't seen in awhile. Problem is g/f is giving me a hard time because it is at a strip club! I can't believe it. I always spend the weekends at her house and the party is right by her house. I live a hour away. She told me to leave the key if I decide to go and I'm not welcome back at her house tonight! She's leaving me in a tough position. I don't want to drive a hour after partying all night. I don't want to disrespect my friend by not showing up and I don't want to fight with my g/f over this! What the hell do I do? Explain to her that "if you're willing to throw away our relationship over a night out with the guys then you must not the girl for me" and walk out the door. The power to walk away is amazingly empowering, not to mention attractive. It's counter intuitive but she'll respect you even more for and be even more attracted to you for showing her you've got a sack. She'll hem and haw about it, and might even blow off some steam by telling you it's through, but if you're cool about it and don't play into her frame then she'll calm down soon enough and come crawling back.
BS76 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Bro's before hoe's It sounds like a rare event where the old gang gets together again. It would be silly to miss it. Indeed. These kinds of get-togethers are rare and the kind of thing you'll remember the rest of your life.
SmileFace Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 I just think the problem here is the strip club and she is basing her insecurities on a past relationship. She needs to understand that she can't blame you for her his mistakes . She needs to live in this relationship not the past.
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