StandingO Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 A woman deeply loves her husband. He is a good man who makes a good living. He is kind and loves his wife very much. She complains he is not sexual enough (not often enough and he is only comfortable with the same old boring ways). Outside of sex they have fun and enjoy each other immensely.Will she eventually cheat on him if he can not complete her sexual needs (2, 5, 10 years down the road)? I asked for many opinions because we all may handle this situation differently. Please elaborate on this subject if you feel like it. I would appreciated you time. I then ask you to reverse the situation where the women can not complete his sexual needs. Will he eventually cheat on her?
MrsJaneDoe Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 I would have to say it would depend on the woman as to whether or not she'd cheat. If you're talking about her wanting sex 3x/week and he wants it 2x/year, then they need to seek counseling or sex therapy or whatever. With that much of a shortfall, she might be more likely to cheat b/c her needs are nowhere near being met. But I doubt everything else in the relationship would be good if there was such a huge discrepancy in sexual appetite. If it's less of a difference, she can always masturbate....there are tons of toys out there...maybe they have sex 1x/week and she masturbates 2x/week. I don't know....there seem to be ways around this problem. To generalize, I'd think that men would be more likely to cheat in this situation, though I'm certainly no expert and can't speak for everyone. If you're suggesting there is irony in this type of situation, I guess you would be right. It seems like married men are more vocal about complaining they don't get enough sex in marrriage. Or maybe tv/media/culture just makes it out to seem this way.
TinaniT Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 I don't think most people would cheat in a good marriage with just a sexual discrepancy - I think either they are the smaller percentage disposed to cheat or there's something else (albeit maybe not communicated to the partner to actually change it) wrong, too if they take that route. Either gender.
Spark1111 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 A woman deeply loves her husband. He is a good man who makes a good living. He is kind and loves his wife very much. She complains he is not sexual enough (not often enough and he is only comfortable with the same old boring ways). Outside of sex they have fun and enjoy each other immensely.Will she eventually cheat on him if he can not complete her sexual needs (2, 5, 10 years down the road)? I asked for many opinions because we all may handle this situation differently. Please elaborate on this subject if you feel like it. I would appreciated you time. I then ask you to reverse the situation where the women can not complete his sexual needs. Will he eventually cheat on her? I think it depends on how well those needs are discussed and resolved. If they can find a solution, or a compromise, that's great. But if one partner wants something specific and the other refuses, with no jointly agreeable resolution, than yes, I believe frustration and resentment could grow, increasing the likelihood of someone cheating. More so in a man? Yes, I would venture to speculate. Men are much better able to compartmentalize sex from love, IMO. Having sex with someone would in no way diminish his love for his spouse. A woman, if all of her emotional needs are being met, is less likely to cheat for sex alone, again, IMO.
trinity1 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 IME the woman will eventually fall out of love with her husband and into love with a new man who can better fulfill her sexually and then she will very likely go on and end the marriage. While the man is more likely to fulfill his sexual needs in other ways, through an extramarital relationship, ONS, porn, masturbation for example.
trinity1 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I think it depends on how well those needs are discussed and resolved. If they can find a solution, or a compromise, that's great. But if one partner wants something specific and the other refuses, with no jointly agreeable resolution, than yes, I believe frustration and resentment could grow, increasing the likelihood of someone cheating. More so in a man? Yes, I would venture to speculate. Men are much better able to compartmentalize sex from love, IMO. Having sex with someone would in no way diminish his love for his spouse. A woman, if all of her emotional needs are being met, is less likely to cheat for sex alone, again, IMO. Not sure what you mean with the bolded above. Sure, men can have sex just for the sake of sex and therefore not diminishing their love for their spouse. But men can also fall in love with someone other than their wife, which might or might not effect their love for their wife. I've seen that happen with my husband a couple of times, where he has fallen in love with other women. It didn't last though. I wonder, if it had, had my husband divorced me? I always thought he stayed with me because he loved me more, but now I am questioning whether a better compatibility between him and his OW would have led him to get a divorce. There obviously is something missing within him and/or within our marriage which has led him to fall in love with other women. Is it just an addiction or is it a sign of incompatibility between him and I? Or both?
GG2W Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I am not a woman, but a male dancer, who sexual desires run straight toward married women. These are all one night stands, as I hardly ever meet with the same partner more than once a month. And I can have several meetings during a 24 hour period. I do not try to pry into to their personal lives, but from the comments that they make, I am sure that many of my partners fall into your category of getting their kicks, outside of the marriage. And maybe I am the reason that they don't leave their marriage, as they get their fix and go back to their married life I have been doing this for several years, and have many repeat partners, but again as I say hardly ever more than once a month One comment that does stick in my brain, is the ones who will come back stage, while I am taking a break between my performances, who will offer to pay me to let them perform oral on me. Many have announced that they do not perform this service for their H
trinity1 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I am not a woman, but a male dancer, who sexual desires run straight toward married women. These are all one night stands, as I hardly ever meet with the same partner more than once a month. And I can have several meetings during a 24 hour period. I do not try to pry into to their personal lives, but from the comments that they make, I am sure that many of my partners fall into your category of getting their kicks, outside of the marriage. And maybe I am the reason that they don't leave their marriage, as they get their fix and go back to their married life I have been doing this for several years, and have many repeat partners, but again as I say hardly ever more than once a month One comment that does stick in my brain, is the ones who will come back stage, while I am taking a break between my performances, who will offer to pay me to let them perform oral on me. Many have announced that they do not perform this service for their H Huh? I could understand pay you to perform oral on them, but the other way around?
OWoman Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 A woman deeply loves her husband. He is a good man who makes a good living. He is kind and loves his wife very much. She complains he is not sexual enough (not often enough and he is only comfortable with the same old boring ways). Outside of sex they have fun and enjoy each other immensely.Will she eventually cheat on him if he can not complete her sexual needs (2, 5, 10 years down the road)? I asked for many opinions because we all may handle this situation differently. Please elaborate on this subject if you feel like it. I would appreciated you time. I then ask you to reverse the situation where the women can not complete his sexual needs. Will he eventually cheat on her? If the woman was me - I'd be honest, tell him I had needs that weren't fulfilled, and seek to address them within the R. If that didn't work, I'd express the possibility of getting them met elsewhere, and if he was agreeable, set about finding someone to do so. If he wasn't agreeable, we'd need to discuss (probably via MC) whether there was a M worth saving. If the roles were reversed... I find it hard to picture, with myself and my H. But if he were honest, and raised the issue, I'd try to resolve it within the M first, and failing that, would be fine with him having them met elsewhere, provided I approved of the "elsewhere".
Toodamnpragmatic Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 is missing. Is it as the first respondent said the difference between 1 and 3X/wk or a chasm where there is no compromise? As for skill/technique is it something he has no interest to improve upon or do it right and make sure you are satisfied? Or are you not attracted to him.... If he doesn't care to make you happy in the bedroom or you just have decided you don't care enough to make it fun (yes I can see that happening too), then yes you will eventually want to fill that void.
Author StandingO Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 Thanks ladies, more input welcome. I have two friends. One a women. She wants sex everyday. He is satisfied with once per week. I know she is frustrated and thinks about having sex with another man but does not think she would leave her husband. They have discussed the subject many times but according to her things don't change. I am wondering if she found someone sexually compatiable if she would leave him. I think she would. It is not me she is thinking of haviing sex with. The other is a male friend. He is also frustated. I have been where he is now. He is lucky to get sex once per month and his wife could go forever without sex. I think his marriage is in trouble because he too has confront his wife about this and she is still ho humm about improving the situation.
neveragain1 Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 A woman deeply loves her husband. He is a good man who makes a good living. He is kind and loves his wife very much. She complains he is not sexual enough (not often enough and he is only comfortable with the same old boring ways). Outside of sex they have fun and enjoy each other immensely.Will she eventually cheat on him if he can not complete her sexual needs (2, 5, 10 years down the road)? if she is a piece of ####.
StoneCold Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 I don't think most people would cheat in a good marriage with just a sexual discrepancy - I think either they are the smaller percentage disposed to cheat or there's something else (albeit maybe not communicated to the partner to actually change it) wrong, too if they take that route. Either gender. Do you know what the statistics are for divorce in North America? The divorce rate hovers around 50%. Do you know what the top two reasons are? Money and Infidelity due to sex outside of the marriage....and mind you thats only counting the people that are actually getting a divorce; its not taking into account the people who are cheating and not getting caught and the people who are cheating and the spouse tolerates it. Dont make the mistake many seem to make by under estimating sex
StoneCold Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Thanks ladies, more input welcome. I have two friends. One a women. She wants sex everyday. He is satisfied with once per week. I know she is frustrated and thinks about having sex with another man but does not think she would leave her husband. They have discussed the subject many times but according to her things don't change. I am wondering if she found someone sexually compatiable if she would leave him. I think she would. It is not me she is thinking of haviing sex with. The other is a male friend. He is also frustated. I have been where he is now. He is lucky to get sex once per month and his wife could go forever without sex. I think his marriage is in trouble because he too has confront his wife about this and she is still ho humm about improving the situation. Both of your friends are pretty much "there" as those stories are pretty "Standard"..... unsatisfied spouse vs complacent spouse...one sided efforts made to fix problem....other spouse dont care. As for your female friend leaving her hubby?... it really depends how far she goes with the cheat; if its just sex she'll stay....if it becomes emotional then all bets are off the table
OWoman Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Huh? I could understand pay you to perform oral on them, but the other way around? Maybe they're hoping for some lessons, so that they know how to do it properly?
Ballerfamily Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 I am not a woman, but a male dancer, who sexual desires run straight toward married women. These are all one night stands, as I hardly ever meet with the same partner more than once a month. And I can have several meetings during a 24 hour period. I do not try to pry into to their personal lives, but from the comments that they make, I am sure that many of my partners fall into your category of getting their kicks, outside of the marriage. And maybe I am the reason that they don't leave their marriage, as they get their fix and go back to their married life I have been doing this for several years, and have many repeat partners, but again as I say hardly ever more than once a month One comment that does stick in my brain, is the ones who will come back stage, while I am taking a break between my performances, who will offer to pay me to let them perform oral on me. Many have announced that they do not perform this service for their H haha. Wake up friend, nice dream
whammy Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 (edited) I am not a woman, but a male dancer, who sexual desires run straight toward married women. These are all one night stands, as I hardly ever meet with the same partner more than once a month. And I can have several meetings during a 24 hour period. I do not try to pry into to their personal lives, but from the comments that they make, I am sure that many of my partners fall into your category of getting their kicks, outside of the marriage. And maybe I am the reason that they don't leave their marriage, as they get their fix and go back to their married life I have been doing this for several years, and have many repeat partners, but again as I say hardly ever more than once a month One comment that does stick in my brain, is the ones who will come back stage, while I am taking a break between my performances, who will offer to pay me to let them perform oral on me. Many have announced that they do not perform this service for their H this is so true. Women want sex. and when they start getting older. early 30's to early late 40's they have the sex drive of a teenage guy. I know all you married men think "not my wife, she never wants sex." yes she does...just not with you. how many times, on this board, have we heard about cheating wives doing things with their affair partners that they have never done with their husbands. wake up, its always the same and it always "what it looks like." Your wife that only gives you birthday blowjobs is the same woman on her hands and knees worshiping the c*ck of the man shes cheating with. Your wife that puts on sweat pants when she gets home from work and never wants to touch you is the same woman that is wearing "f*ck me" pumps with her ankles behind her head getting pounded by her 25 year old personal trainer. this story has been told 1000 times and it is always the same. why do we underestimate women sexually? KNOW THIS! your wife wants sex, shes wants to touch six pack abs, she wants to suck a big c*ck, she wants to get f*cked so widly that she cant even think...and sooner or later she is going to want this more than she wants to be married to you if your the schmuck that isnt a real man and doing this for her. a woman cant be in love with someone she doesnt want to f*ck. and woman that is in love with a man (i dont care if she is the most poly person in the world) is ONLY interested in that ONE man. i rambled a bit...but that is my two cents. and I think its true for any relationship. Edited March 4, 2011 by whammy
GG2W Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 BF Just A Dream Last summer I was hired by a husband, we had gone on trips before, he was out of state running a construction site, to entertain his wife. He felt she needed to day of fun, while she was staing at home taking care of their school kids. All she was told was that she was going on a catered picnic. I was picked up by a limo, driven 2 hours, where I was waiting when she arrived. The husband also hired a guy to record the action Maybe in you next life you can have some fun
Summer Breeze Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 this is so true. Women want sex. and when they start getting older. early 30's to early late 40's they have the sex drive of a teenage guy. I know all you married men think "not my wife, she never wants sex." yes she does...just not with you. how many times, on this board, have we heard about cheating wives doing things with their affair partners that they have never done with their husbands. wake up, its always the same and it always "what it looks like." Your wife that only gives you birthday blowjobs is the same woman on her hands and knees worshiping the c*ck of the man shes cheating with. Your wife that puts on sweat pants when she gets home from work and never wants to touch you is the same woman that is wearing "f*ck me" pumps with her ankles behind her head getting pounded by her 25 year old personal trainer. this story has been told 1000 times and it is always the same. why do we underestimate women sexually? KNOW THIS! your wife wants sex, shes wants to touch six pack abs, she wants to suck a big c*ck, she wants to get f*cked so widly that she cant even think...and sooner or later she is going to want this more than she wants to be married to you if your the schmuck that isnt a real man and doing this for her. a woman cant be in love with someone she doesnt want to f*ck. and woman that is in love with a man (i dont care if she is the most poly person in the world) is ONLY interested in that ONE man. i rambled a bit...but that is my two cents. and I think its true for any relationship. I don't agree with exactly what you said but definitely with the thoughts. I never 'woke up' sexually till I was in my mid 40s. Sex has always been important but now it's as important as every other part of a relationship to me. I would not stay in a marriage or relationship where my partner wasn't sexually compatable. If there were an accident or medical reason then it would be different but it would not be gone. To me the most intimate part of a relationship stems from intimate contact. Cuddling is nice but it's not everything. I want a lover in my relationship not just a friend-I can find one of those anywhere. I have to say I don't have the patience for younger men. They bore me. They have no staying power and no imagination and often are happy once they're satisfied. I like a man my own age who has a matching libido who knows some of the secrets. Someone who listens. I think I digressed. Glad I'm out with the BF later on!
Summer Breeze Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 BF Just A Dream Last summer I was hired by a husband, we had gone on trips before, he was out of state running a construction site, to entertain his wife. He felt she needed to day of fun, while she was staing at home taking care of their school kids. All she was told was that she was going on a catered picnic. I was picked up by a limo, driven 2 hours, where I was waiting when she arrived. The husband also hired a guy to record the action Maybe in you next life you can have some fun BS alert and I ain't talking anyone being betrayed! So women pay you for the opportunity to give you head and men set up days for you to whisk their wives away and then tape it. I'd say you live a charmed life except for the fact I don't believe a word of it. I do understand I may well be wrong.
Author StandingO Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 My first wife was not very sexual. Though we are no longer together I don't believe that has changed one bit. My GF is very sexual, maybe even more than I am. I know if I lost my drive that she would eventually look for a new lover. I would take a woman who loves sex over one that does not any day. So yes, with some woman you better keep up or expect that one day she will cheat or leave you. I don't believe a man or woman should have to stay in a relationship that is sexually incompatable. They should talk about there problems. If they can not be corrected then they were not a good match and should be free to move on to find a partner who is.
2.50 a gallon Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 I just read this thread. Interesting! Prior to my marriage in my 30's, I lived most of my adult life in a singles apartment complex. For what ever reason, the apartment seemed to attract many newly divorced or even better just separated wives. On numerous occassions I got to be the second or third partner they had ever experienced. Most of them were fantastic sexual partners, as they were ready to experiment with things they had never tried with their husbands. The sad thing was that several admitted their husbands had tried to get them to try things such as oral, and they had always refused. Only to got nuts once they were out of their homes. As to GG2W's comments, those who doubt, you had better watch your wives. After the break up of my marriage, I went back to being a player, but this time in a very sexually liberal state. I had several affairs with married women, who were sexually unsatisfied. Including one who propositioned me with her first oral in a dark parking lot, while her future XH was out of town. I never got into the swinger scene, but I did meet several "hot wives", and there is lots of things going on today that are never discussed in boards such as this.
Spark1111 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 The latest stats being studied as women gain greater equality is exactly that: The ARE becoming more like men. More drinking, more substance abuse, more cheating, more sex. Why does this surprise anyone? Gone are the days when having to rely on a man to provide for them, kept them "good" or faithful. The old rules no longer apply. What has always been good for the gander, is now becoming what is good, too, for the goose.
Linda9999 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Speaking for myself, I think if my husband were to become unable to satisfy me sexually, I would want to seek it somewhere else, but not behind his back. What form that would take I don't know. Maybe we would have to split up so I could be with another man, maybe I would just use self-satisfaction, maybe he would hire someone for me, it's hard to say. If it was simply that he was unwilling then there would be deeper problems in our marriage that would need to be addressed. As for him, I honestly don't know. He went outside our marriage once. Would he do it again? I would love to be able to say I am sure he wouldn't, but I don't know. Taking one for the team is something that I think has a place in a loving relationship. Not all the time, but perhaps if that is all that's needed to keep an otherwise great relationship off the rocks, why not? It's all about compromise. She wants it every day, he wants it once a week, you compromise and do it every 2 or 3 or 4 days.
SummersEve Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Either way I would say that if there is a severe incompatibility it will take a toll and that will show up somewhere. Either the one who is not satisfied will cheat or perhaps just become depressed and withdraw, I would think it will show somewhere. What I have to elaborate on is that what I think when someone complains that their partner is boring in bed or bad in bed, I usually think that without realizing it they are telling that they are too. I would like to know what the one complaining is bringing to the table besides their complaints. Often, imo, nothing.
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