huskers11 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago. It really wasn't a bad breakup. I, along with all of our friends, were completely blindsided and didn't see the breakup coming. I was really hurt by him but I know he was trying to do the right thing by me. Whether it's the truth or not, his excuse was that I wasn't the one. I still care about him so much and I know if he wanted to, I'd get back with him in a heartbeat without a second thought. But I really don't see him coming back, especially not anytime soon! We have alot of mutual friends, so we are still in contact a little but not very much! I need help on getting over him.. What are things you have done to help let go and move on? So far, I've gone to counseling, got my hair cut, rearranged my entire apartment, started working out, became a vegetarian, and hang out with friends as much as possible. I would try meanlessly sex or a rebound relationship but neither of those are me. I only have sex when I'm in a relationship and I care about the person and I also don't want to led someone on and hurt them. I have forgiven him for hurting and have started to let go of some of the anger and pain. I think I'm starting to accept the end of our relationship, but I'm scared of completely letting go because I'm scared he will never come back! I realize this will likely happen but I can see a great future for us and I don't know how to let that go! Plus, I miss him like crazy! Ultimately I want to get to a point where we can become friends again. I also realize that if I ever want to get back together or be friends I have to move on. It's just so hard to do but I am trying to use this situation as a way to better myself and become a better person for my next relationship whether its with my ex or a new guy! What are some ways you guys have used to get over someone? Any suggestions are very welcomed!!
Gt.ooh Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 The best plain and simple advice: Keep busy, busy. I, like you had the clouds covering the clear thoughts in my head in the following months after the end of my relationship. Trust me and move on farther as faster. It saves you a lot of un-wanted, and un-needed grief. It sounds like you're pretty positive, so just keep you head up and surround yourself with things you like and love.
starryeyed12 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Sounds like you are doing all the right things! Good work! You're caught in a hard place right now, between feeling better and growing as an individual, while also sad about the loss of someone who you loved and wishing you could go back. Try not to get wrapped up in the memories because sadly, the past is gone. It's all about the present and the future now. As for wanting to be friends with him again someday, I would try not to think about that right now. Hoping or wishing to become friends with him again is really just another way of holding on to him. It comes from caring place, but ultimately is a mask for your feelings of wanting him back. To be in a place that you could truly be friends, you would have to be comfortable seeing him grow and change and meet other people. To be comfortable with that means you have to lack a certain level of caring that you once had. At this point you care too much. You may always care too much and therefore can not ever truly be friends. Or, you may get to a point where you are moved on and happy and you find that you no longer care about maintaining a real friendship. That's what you should strive for right now. Sorry, I just went off on a little tangent there! Lol! I read about people wanting to be friends with their exes, and I don't think that should be part of the break-up mindset. My advice is to keep thinking about YOU like you have been. There's no easy way around this...you gotta go through it. Oh, and one night stands are probably not the best idea. But going on some dates could help open your eyes to the possibilities out there.
stopthemadness Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 (edited) I think your doing all the right things,so keep up the good work. But Really Really, time is your true friend here. As time goes by it will hurt less and less, thats just how it works. Am 7 months out now and feeling better all the time. When i do have bad days there few far and in between. Mostly I have good days I keep busy too. I go to the gym like 5xs a week, just started that. (So much fun!) And I started going bk to church and working on my relationship with God. Am closer now to my family and friends then ive ever been, its great.. So keep it up.. YOU ROCK!!!!! Edited February 27, 2011 by stopthemadness
Stealthbreed Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 basically just keep yourself busy like some of the people above have said. Its not going to be easy but after time you will be feeling great If your looking for a way to make yourself feel good, write out on a piece of paper everything that you like about your life, good past times with your family and friends ect and put it up on your wall. And i guarantee that it will make you feel good about yourself which is the top priority in times like that. This helped me break up with my last ex 2 years ago
Author huskers11 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 Thank you.. I really appreciate everyone's responses!! My question is how do I stop miss him? I've missed him like crazy the past few days and it's causing me alot of anxiety. I know time heals everything but how do I give up hope that we aren't getting back together? I know we haven't really been broken up that long and I keep telling myself he's gone & never coming back but my heart hasn't gotten the message! I journal, talk to friends, work out daily and he's still constantly on my mind. It's causing me alot of stress that I can't handle right now!
starryeyed12 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 If there was any easy answer to your answer none of us would be here right now. There's no way to make any feelings just go away. All you can do is the things you are doing and the suggestions made here. That's it.
USMCHokie Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Thank you.. I really appreciate everyone's responses!! My question is how do I stop miss him? I've missed him like crazy the past few days and it's causing me alot of anxiety. I know time heals everything but how do I give up hope that we aren't getting back together? I know we haven't really been broken up that long and I keep telling myself he's gone & never coming back but my heart hasn't gotten the message! I journal, talk to friends, work out daily and he's still constantly on my mind. It's causing me alot of stress that I can't handle right now! You're not going to be able to just switch off your emotions and stop missing him...it just doesn't work that way...and it's fine to miss him...and sure, he's going to be on your mind even though you're keeping busy; I know my ex was always on my mind even though I was doing everything I could to stay busy... Just have faith that time will do its magic and stay the course you're on, you'll be just fine.
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