makelemonade1974 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 So after the confrontation yesterday with the apparently wounded (do you know what you did to me!) Mr. immature as fu*k silent treatment. I have promised to be respectful and give him space to heal for the next 60 days. Then, I'm going to make an overture of friendship so we can have a decent professional working relationship. The longest I've ever been NC is 30 days, so this will be a toughie. So that means . . . 1) no emails - about work or anything else - even if they are polite and few and far between; 2) no text messages telling him "Happy New Year, Happy Birthday, Congrats on your award, please give me a closure conversation" and DEFINITELY NOT "let's have meaningless sex." 3) I will stay away from the phone and computer when intoxicated; 4) I will work REALLY hard to avoid him at work, etc. and if I see him I will leave immediately without making eye contact; 5) I will not ask mutual friends about him; 6) I will not look for his info on the bulletin board at work; 7) I will not return any more of his stuff if I come across it; 8) I will not google his name; 9) I will not look at his publications on the internet; 10) I will not look at the pictures of our trip to Europe last summer; 11) I will not look at the file folder of his poetry or read the poems in my jewelry box that he gave to me or are about me; 12) I will drop off the face of the earth! So I need a no contact buddy who is intent on going 60 days (no wimps). Who is with me?
2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Hi Makemelemonade Well since i'm on over a month already of NC you can be my new NC buddie lol and I can be yours for this new NC of yours. 2011
Rose T Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 *Rose raises hand sheepishly* Me!! I was out for a boozy dinner with friends last night and got a text from a good friend, announcing the arrival of her baby yesterday evening. I went to her wedding with my ex and we used to hang out as a foursome so I forwarded her text to my ex in a moment of crazyness!! doh!!! Don't know WHAT I was thinking but it seemed vaguely smart at the time. However I acknowledge that I am back to day 1 of NC and it sucks. I had reached 24 days and was hoping for 60! So I'm with you. I was going to give up a bad habit for Lent (which starts in ten days) so I'm happy to start now! We can do this. Let's also work on hanging out with some nice new guys in the next 60 days.
2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 I'm talking to a new girl online and it seems to be going ok just now, not too fast or anything and we seem to get on, this is what they mean by moving on and they always say meeting someone new takes your mind right off of the old. So in conjunction with this new opportunity I hope to really see the NC days rack up until I really don't care anymore but still help out here if people are just starting it. 2011
Author makelemonade1974 Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 Yay for us!! I'm trying to look at things in a new way. I've been so angry and quick to point out that my ex has NPD and all that (and he probably does) that I haven't thought about other people's feelings very much. Maybe he really is hurting; maybe he really is full of sh*t, but nevertheless, this "promise" I've made - to him and to myself - is a promise to respect his wishes not to talk to me, whether those wishes are messed up or not. 2011 - I love your screen name because it IS a new year for all of us - may it bring you great happiness and hopefully some nookie. I also have met a new guy and he is a sexy beast (although way too young), so hopefully that will help with the process. He is definitely better looking than my ex, so that will help with the comparisons I think. Sometimes dating new people makes it worse in that way. Congrats btw on over a month! You are my hero (or heroine lol)! Rose - I know JUST what you mean about going back to day 1. I've tried and failed at this so many times. Contact with them is like a drug. I think if we just try and let go of them - for a little while if nothing else - we will feel much better (and perhaps less like contacting). Hang in there.
2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Yay for us!! I'm trying to look at things in a new way. I've been so angry and quick to point out that my ex has NPD and all that (and he probably does) that I haven't thought about other people's feelings very much. Maybe he really is hurting; maybe he really is full of sh*t, but nevertheless, this "promise" I've made - to him and to myself - is a promise to respect his wishes not to talk to me, whether those wishes are messed up or not. 2011 - I love your screen name because it IS a new year for all of us - may it bring you great happiness and hopefully some nookie. I also have met a new guy and he is a sexy beast (although way too young), so hopefully that will help with the process. He is definitely better looking than my ex, so that will help with the comparisons I think. Sometimes dating new people makes it worse in that way. Congrats btw on over a month! You are my hero (or heroine lol)! Rose - I know JUST what you mean about going back to day 1. I've tried and failed at this so many times. Contact with them is like a drug. I think if we just try and let go of them - for a little while if nothing else - we will feel much better (and perhaps less like contacting). Hang in there. You nailed it, here's to 2011 and NC success (and nookie lol). Lemonade Btw what is he too young for ? 2011
willowthewisp Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Lemonade, you can do this, just take it one day at a time, that's how I have been NC for 19 months now. It's the same way I lost 6 stones on WW a few years ago, don't think about it in terms of 60 days, think one day, then the next day, one day, or even one hour, next hour if it helps.
SerenaG Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 OK count me in. I'm on day 5 right now after sending a stupid email asking about a personal project he had started when we were still together. No response - big surprise. I also work with him - at a University - so NC is very difficult but I know I can try harder to generally keep out of his way. I agree to Lemonade's terms.
wmrjw82 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 I'm at 1 month exactly today (well February is a short month so technically 27 days right now.) but i'll tag along on this journey since i'm already in the same boat. Although I think for you it will be harder since you work with the guy. Sorry bout that. My ex lives 45 minutes away and although i've defriended her on facebook I still look at her profile picture everyday
Author makelemonade1974 Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 You nailed it, here's to 2011 and NC success (and nookie lol). Lemonade Btw what is he too young for ? 2011 I'm 36. He's 24. But SO cute and sweet. Frontman in a band and they are actually GOOD. I was shocked because so many guys are like "yeah, I'm in a band" and I'm like "I bet you are lol." He knows I'm older than him (I told I'd been married and my ex-husband was a drummer - sad, but true) but he has no idea how MUCH older I am. I'm going to dodge the question.
Miss_G Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Ohhhhhhh me!!!!!!! I've been a blubbering mess for the past could of weeks. Go to my post 'hit an all time low' to see how I've been and get a bit of background info (it isn't THAT long). I'm just at the point of deciding to go NC with ex. We have a child so will have to contact via text for son arrangements but my mum is going to be handing child over. Ex wants us to go out as a family and be friends and was very upset when I mentioned cutting contact if not getting back. He has been pestering me tonight to decide if we will go out tomorrow. So tempted to say yes and awaiting talk from mother to give me her idea as an outsider. Ideally, I want him back but can not see it happening. He has said he doesn't want a relationship AT THE MOMENT. Always leaving things open! I really need support and someone who feels my pain and if you would like me to be your buddy (ha!) I will be more than happy. Nice to speak to someone who understands how difficult it is.
2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Feeling not that good the day, idk had a sort of rebound with my resolve to move on and kept picturing her with someone else. Was in a traffic jam today and had this vision of her in the car behind with some guy and they were reaching over and snogging while in the jam, it wasn't a good feeling....damn this crap, wish you could reboot your mind and forget all about them lol! 2011
Author makelemonade1974 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 Hang in there - I think it's normal to go from extremes of loving them and missing them like crazy to remembering the bad parts of the relationship. Try to think of the bad parts when you are feeling like you miss them. Went out for sushi last night w/ my girls to a place that my ex and I had been before. The last time we were there he literally complained the WHOLE time - didn't feel good, place was too noisy, food wasn't good, he was miserable blah blah. Being there was a great reminder of how obnoxious he was sometimes. But only the day before I was like "he still loves me I know it blah blah" How to make Reason communicate with Emotion? I have no idea. My therapist says you have to occasionally and gently discipline your inner child (emotion) with your intelligence (reason). Still working on that part. If you had her back, she would just betray your trust again. You can't rewind time, unfortunately. Someone told me once "just endure." One day at a time. Wake up, take care of your responsibilities, care for yourself, go to bed. Repeat. Eventually it feels better.
flow15 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I'm joining you! Yesterday marked 30 days for me very proud of myself! So I'm hoping I'll be able to manage the next 30/60 fine. I'm not having a hard time keeping NC because he hasn't contacted me at all, so really I have no choice but to go NC. I'm just worried that if he contacts me in the next 30 days I will respond and break NC. Luckily for me he lives an hour away so I don't have to worry about bumping into him like you that must suck. I just worry about him haunting my dreams every night!!
rubyblue16 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 ill Join , i ll be happy be included ina group where people know how i feel =[ , its been nearly three weeks of NC and i hate it , i broke up with him and he said he wanted to remain friends so i don'd understand why he hasnt spoken to me ? i fear the worst that he's moved on and completely forogotten about me , i wish to just go back to the day i met him and walked away. i dont know whether to just give up or try one more time next week , but what do say ? going from 100 % attention from someone to 0% is so hard to take in =[
2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 If you had her back, she would just betray your trust again. You can't rewind time, unfortunately. Someone told me once "just endure." One day at a time. Wake up, take care of your responsibilities, care for yourself, go to bed. Repeat. Eventually it feels better. I do think that sometimes if we met up again then it wouldn't be long until we were back to the hostility and coldness and "here we go" agains part. Actually speaking to her would freak me out I think, I wouldn't know what to say and it would be really awkward after all that has happened. In honesty I am too good a person for that and deserve more than a turd to be dropped in the punch bowl of love lol! 2011
Rose T Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Woo-hoo! so we're at day 2... Why are the single-digit count no contact days the hardest? Just been out for dinner with a friend who's also a therapist and she wondered out loud why I couldn't get back together with my ex in the future... must... keep... away... from... email....
Miss_G Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Ok guys, so I have to meet with ex on Weds to take child to a show we przomised to take him to together. Ex knows I'm considering stopping all contact. He's my plan. Ask him outright if he wants to work on our relationship or is having any second thoughts. When he says that he's not (which I'm expecting) I'm going to confidently say that I cannot see him anymore and need to move on. And then cut all contact bar texting to see child. My mum will hand him over. Thoughts?
2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Hi So how's everyone getting on with NC? I must be about 3 months NC/VLC and spoke with "her" online for 5 mins the other night. Went on, she popped on about a minute later, another wait of about a minute then a chat ensued with the usual how's things and that then she went ok I got to do x y and z, catch up with you later and signed out instantly, still cold I thought after 3 months man she can't not be cold to me! We both said things to really annoy each other when we split but I am not holding any grudges, nor have for at least 2 months. Why hold onto a grudge for so long lol? 2011
depplover_1980 Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Hi So how's everyone getting on with NC? I must be about 3 months NC/VLC and spoke with "her" online for 5 mins the other night. Went on, she popped on about a minute later, another wait of about a minute then a chat ensued with the usual how's things and that then she went ok I got to do x y and z, catch up with you later and signed out instantly, still cold I thought after 3 months man she can't not be cold to me! We both said things to really annoy each other when we split but I am not holding any grudges, nor have for at least 2 months. Why hold onto a grudge for so long lol? 2011 It's probably not that she is holding a grudge, but that she is cold because she doesn't want to lead you on and give you the impression there is any chance with her. It is actually kinder because if she was overly friendly you would be posting about whether you had a chance of reconciling. Think about it.
Breayanna Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Nothing like a break up to make time feel like it's literally stopped. I am a month out and time is slow as hell. I am better than I was one month ago, but I am still struggling moment by moment. One day at a time.
Thatguyintx Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Nothing like a break up to make time feel like it's literally stopped. Amen to that! But the good news is that as time passes, so do the hard feelings. And then the world begins to feel "right" again.
2011 Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 It's probably not that she is holding a grudge, but that she is cold because she doesn't want to lead you on and give you the impression there is any chance with her. It is actually kinder because if she was overly friendly you would be posting about whether you had a chance of reconciling. Think about it. Yes I know I really should go permanent NC and stop hanging about the internet. 2011
2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 So thought i'd look up this thread and give a wee update, things have been slowly getting better, been having some setbacks but am finding the power to take control of my own life back and sort of knock her off this pedestal I keep putting her own. i've realised this is about ME, yes ME not her or what she does. Why worry about someone else and what they do AND let it affect your whole life? It isn't really a question just that I shouldn't do it! I've also been slowly getting to know another girl, not sure where it is going yet but we are supposed to be doing stuff together quite soon so i'll see how that goes. Hope everyone else is staying strong and moving on. Oh yeah - no contact for nearly 2 months now after about 2 1/2 months very LC (once a month catch up). No more of that just moving on like she is doing. 2011
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