Bittersweetie Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 I've read in other threads posters wondering whether WS are still pining for their APs. Which got me to wondering, what exactly defines pining? After my A ended and after my D-day, I fully admit I pined. I thought about him a ton, reread emails, googled him, etc. That was well over a year ago. Now, I rarely think about him. If I see something that reminds me of him, I'll think, "I wonder how he's doing." And then, before I can even tell myself to stop thinking about him, I've already moved on to something else in my head. This lasts maybe a minute. Is this considered pining? I feel it's like how I think of anyone who used to be in my life. Like, I'll see something that reminds me of my old college roommate. The same thing will happen..."I wonder how she's doing?" And then my mind's moved on to something else. Thoughts?
Distant78 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 I've read in other threads posters wondering whether WS are still pining for their APs. Which got me to wondering, what exactly defines pining? After my A ended and after my D-day, I fully admit I pined. I thought about him a ton, reread emails, googled him, etc. That was well over a year ago. Now, I rarely think about him. If I see something that reminds me of him, I'll think, "I wonder how he's doing." And then, before I can even tell myself to stop thinking about him, I've already moved on to something else in my head. This lasts maybe a minute. Is this considered pining? I feel it's like how I think of anyone who used to be in my life. Like, I'll see something that reminds me of my old college roommate. The same thing will happen..."I wonder how she's doing?" And then my mind's moved on to something else. Thoughts? A minute? That's a long time. Yup, still pining.
Author Bittersweetie Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 I suppose a minute is a long time considering how ADD my brain can get sometimes!
Spark1111 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 What you describe sounds more like sentimental reminiscing to me.... Pining is the thought of the person plus the longing to reconnect; to still wonder 'what if' we had wound up together. I think there is a difference
Author Bittersweetie Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 What you describe sounds more like sentimental reminiscing to me.... Pining is the thought of the person plus the longing to reconnect; to still wonder 'what if' we had wound up together. I think there is a difference Well, there's definitely no longing or what ifs for me...I don't even feel that sentimental, about him or my old college roommate. I guess where I was going with this thread was more about what people consider pining, rather than my own specific example. Like, I feel one is pining if its taking energy away a place where it should be going. If a WS is still thinking about an AP so much that it's taking energy away from helping their BS, then that is pining. Or if one is not getting their work done because they're thinking about their AP, that is pining. That kind of thing. Just my thoughts.
East7 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I agree with Spark. If you just think 1 minute of OM, he is history, it is not pinning at all. Pining is keeping someone in mind with a strong will to reconnect or resume the relationship. WSs who pine after their APs, contact actively or break NC with AP.
ladydesigner Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 I agree with Spark. If you just think 1 minute of OM, he is history, it is not pinning at all. Pining is keeping someone in mind with a strong will to reconnect or resume the relationship. WSs who pine after their APs, contact actively or break NC with AP. Phew then I'm off the hook:D I kept thinking that even if a thought of XOM came to mind that I was still pining. Nope I'm not! I kinda wish all thoughts would go away though.
JaneyAmazed Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Phew then I'm off the hook:D I kept thinking that even if a thought of XOM came to mind that I was still pining. Nope I'm not! I kinda wish all thoughts would go away though. Same here! I was confused about what pining means. I would LOVE for any thoughts of xOM to go away. There was no future with him anyway. This week I've been so busy and it really helps. I've been planning stuff with my H and getting excited about life again. I never thought I'd feel this way again anytime soon. I still have sad moments but I have so much more hope and even happiness. I've been practicing NOT thinking about xOM. If a thought pops in my head, if H isn't around, I start reading the book I've been reading or I call somebody or I play with my kids. I've made plans with some of my girlfriends, and that helps too. When I was with xOM, I didn't spend as much time with my friends because of shame and guilt really. I hated being fake. I hated hiding something so big from everyone. Now I can enjoy those friendships again. It's something how an affair can affect so many areas of your life.
Recommended Posts