Brokenlady Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 So I've been seeing this awesome guy for a month, and it got very hot and heavy fast. I am already more emotionally invested than I had planned on being at this stage. Anyway, I told BF I hid my online dating profile because I want to see where things go with him. He said he wasn't going to date anyone else. Last night, he mentioned that hes still chatting with some people from the online dating service and he's meeting one woman for coffee soon. It sounded as though his interest was more in the company she worked for on a professional level. He asked me if it would bother me if he met with her and continued to chit chat with others. I said no. But that's not entirely true. I've been burned badly by other guys and so this whole thing makes me (uneccessarily?) nervous. It's way too soon to be talking serious committment, and I don't want to look like an insecure nutbag. Nor do I want to look like I'm trying to say he can't have female friends. But I'm basically a monogamous kinda girl, especially with people I'm having sex with. Should I say something just to clarify so I know if he's really still "looking" (as opposed to "seeing where things go" with me)? Or just drop it for now and see what happens?
Author Brokenlady Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 I should also clarify to say that he's told these other women about me.
Cee Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 He's been up front about it so I think it's worth having another discussion to clarify his purpose for being on the dating site. Does he consider you his GF or not. I don't think it's unreasonable for him to do professional networking and friend making in another non dating forum. I don't think you sound controlling or clingy by asking for clarification. And the more you get him to talk things out, the more you'll understand where he's coming from. I'm not at all a jealous person, but I would be bothered if my BF was on a dating site. I would wonder why he is devoting his precious free time to a pursuit that isn't good for making platonic friends. Why not do a professional networking group or meet up group instead?
dreamingoftigers Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Clarifying does not mean you have expectations. Ask him where he stands and if he freaks out over it or goes underreactive then it means he may very well hAve other issues anyways.
Author Brokenlady Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 I just suck at this whole dating thing. I have no idea what I'm doing. If we hadn't had sex yet, I'd still have my profile up on the dating site and would likely still be chatting with several other guys I was talking to - and I wouldn't give a **** about his coffee with this woman (who would actually then be a date for him). It'd be "equal" because we'd each be doing our own thing and dating others casually. Sex changes the game for me. I think I'm probably going to have to ask him point blank soon if he still wants to "see other people" right now as opposed to seeing where it goes with us exclusively. At least then I'd know for sure instead of torturing myself with wondering. But I'm just afraid of sounding like an insecure nutbag. And I have other reasons to think there's nothing to worry about - for one thing he seems really into me - wants to see me ALL the time, calls me every night, has cute pet names for me, is so considerate and gentlemanly, and incredibly cuddly. And then there's the obvious that he told me he wasn't going to date other people. He asked me if this coffee thing would bother me, and it's not his fault I'm too much of a wuss to be honest that it does because of my own baggage.
dreamingoftigers Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Don't bloody ask him if he "wants to see other people" because that suggests that you do. Just ask if he considers you to be exclusive or not.
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