jane100 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 (edited) How do you deal with this? When guys (or girls) just sort of disappear after a few messages, or even lots? Do you just ignore it, and not take it personally? Accept it just as part of the internet dating scenery so to speak. Secondly, for those who don't like to give a lot of personal information out by message, but would prefer to meet. I get so tired of exchanging messages and am wary who I share my personal values and experience with. But I seem in a minority?! Quite a few men seem to want to find out everything about me before we meet and I don't really want to go there. I'd rather just exchange several messages and then short meeting.... Oops was getting a bit angsty, but Runner replied on an earlier thread! Edited February 26, 2011 by jane100
Mrlonelyone Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 I just ignore people who do the fade out if we haven't met in person and had no plans to meet in person. Totally agree about meeting. On EH if we get past the must haves and cant stands and there are no deal breakers... I figure a message or two then we can meet up for coffee and see if we click in person. I don't see a point to protracted online messaging if we are within 30 miles of eachother and have cars.
Author jane100 Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 Just sounds sensible and realistic to me. You can still build up a rapport in 5-8 messages, I don't see why it has to go on for ever. Its actually a red flag isn't it I'm beginning to think - these people never actually want to meet??? Some recent questions from 2 men. 1. Tell me your relationship history. 2. Tell me your hopes and dreams. My feeling is - why would I since I've never met you. But perhaps I am just more private, less extrovert than most people who share anything that comes into their head
Author jane100 Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 Well I am obviously feeling a bit irritated with it all today, so excuse my general frustration with it all. I am suddenly thinking about the male flakies - an insight. As I understand it alot of men send out quite a few messages to women he's vaguely interested in and sees what comes back. So if a man sends out 20 messages, say, he may get 5 back. So then he messages those 5 back and forth and will obviously have a favourite or two and the others he will let fall away. Its just that I have been in the bottom 5 for over a week now! Its kind of maths I guess ...
SlawKing Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Or he's busy and just hasn't gotten back to you. Or he forgot about you. It's online dating. Some people just don't take it that seriously.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Well I am obviously feeling a bit irritated with it all today, so excuse my general frustration with it all. I am suddenly thinking about the male flakies - an insight. As I understand it alot of men send out quite a few messages to women he's vaguely interested in and sees what comes back. Very vaguely interested. So if a man sends out 20 messages, say, he may get 5 back. So then he messages those 5 back and forth and will obviously have a favourite or two and the others he will let fall away. Its just that I have been in the bottom 5 for over a week now! Its kind of maths I guess ... To be honest I realized quickly that on EH I would need to scan a womans profile for any deal breakers, trust the matching system, and send them my initial questions... then repeat... with all 200+ matches. I have only got one woman who replied at all. It's only been a couple weeks. One out of two hundred. (That's just about telemarketer's odds of one sale for every 100 calls placed.) Jane it's likely that the men you have been messaging have been so frustrated by the online process... frustrated by more than a few of the very few women who agreed to a first date flaking out.. frustrated by the fact that it seems other people just fall sass akwards into relationships... That they may message you...think you'll be like all the rest... and give up.
Author jane100 Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 (edited) Well if its any consolation, Mr Lonely, I used to message men, but hardly got any replies, so have more or less given up that way. Probably 5/20 is a bit unrealistic. I expect for a lot of men the odds are much higher generally 25/1, 50/1, 100/1, 1000/1 and so forth . Edited February 26, 2011 by jane100
daphne Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 I don't give personal information to strangers. And if they were to ask (most don't,) I know this is probably not a person with respect for boundaries and I need to keep moving. As for the flakes, everyone's frustrated with it. Guys are probably more annoyed because I don't think they realize that the women get INUNDATED with mail. And they get flaked on a lot, after having to initiate contact with a lot of women before receiving that one response. Everyone has the right to change their minds at any time for any reason and they do. It's like we're all in junior high again and everyone is cute and cuter is around the corner. Personally, I don't subscribe to this, but I know what I want so it's easier. What I don't want is someone who's flakey. I am learning to be grateful when I don't hear from a guy before we go out (or even after for that matter.) If I'm not what he's looking for, then he won't waste my time. What's interesting is when you the flake comes back with multiple excuses. What a mess. Then they get bent out of shape because your'e no longer interested and even though they know they were flakey, think you're in the wrong because you won't give them another chance.
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