guitarguy09 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 its been 2 months since she dumped me. She said she was confused,didnt know what she wanted, wasnt ready for a relationship all that bull****. There was this other guy, she barely knew I always told myself she left me for him but she would deny. 2 months down my friends tell me shes in a relationship with him on facebook. she seems inlove and all that crap being happy, though she would make sad posts sometimes too. I just dont get how she could do this so quick and go on to the next guy, after two years of being with me she believes this oine is "real". i never hurt her emotionally and physically and i could say she was more into the relationship than i was. ive been strict No contact for one month. she would text me sometimes but they were very little crumbs. When i found out about this updated status today, i felt like total ****. Someone please help me reasses the situation. -thanks
2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 You should delete her from FB so you don't remain friends and don't reply to her crumb txt messages. It ounded like she dumped you for him so rememeber that, and who's to say she won't do it again. My ex had this guy "friend" as well, she inadvertantly kept talking about what him and her done and I was getting suspect, she said he is only a "friend" and has known him for years but he only became a FB friend a few months earlier, she said he has a GF but his status is single and looking for girls, well it was then I don't see it now lol looks like they are probably an item. I pulled her up about it after she mentioned hanging out with him over NY when we (well me) were in a kind of NC, now she either said that to make me jealous as she was on FB at the time and so if they were together why was she on FB and posting all these weird comments like looking for attention when she was meant to be with him, she said she would never do that if (IF) she was going out with me, but she wasn't going out with me, we - for all intents and purposes - had split and she knew it. She had a habit of saying the opposite of the truth so to believe what she said would have been preposterous! I hope her and the dirtbag are happy lol! 2011
Tofu Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Yes delete her from FB, it happened to me as well so i understand your pain but my relationship didnt last as long as 2yrs so im sure it must be abit harsher to face for you. You dont want to see her posts on facebook now youll only just give yourself more pain and there will always be the temptation to poke around here facebook just to see whats going on in her life and that too will drive you nuts. Just delete her and move on, I did the same and am on the road to recovery, if you think about it she lied to your face saying this guy she came across had nothing to do with your breakup and made nurmerous excuses.. now theyre together. Mine did the same and she is scum to me now... to think someone that i cared about for so long suddenly backstabs me in the back like that is unforgivable. My ex blamed it on distance but that was BS cos i could always feel she had a thing for him but insisted they were friends (sure, friends with privelages behind my back i bet) they only knew each other for 2months as well. Thisll be a massive blow to you no doubt and will take sometime to get around, for now save yourself extended pain and delete her from everything that connects you to her, msn, fb, phone... it will be for the best, you dont want someone whos openly lied to you and betrayed you after all the things youve done for them.
willpower Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Guys, there's a way of thinking about this situation that will really help long term. Just because she left you doesn't mean her heart was not in it when she was with you, it simply means that somewhere along the way another person came along that tickled there interest. If your relationship was ling term she will have seen all of your less attractive bits, your boring bits and sometimes when a new person comes along then people just see the nice bits and think a new relationship with that person will be perfect. So they leave. Don't hate them for this - it's what people are programed to do. Also bear in mind her new relationship will likely fall into the boring and annoying zone sooner or later, bit this does not mean she'll return to you. She may now have the wisdom of a few relationships and realise that they all lose the initial sparkle eventually and that what she has with the new chap is worth enduring the less than desirable bits for. Coups have potentially been you had timing been different. Honestly, it's just as easy to be the victim of falling for another person yourself as it is to be dumped by another person in favour of someone else. The only difference is that of your the dumper you get away quickly without too much of an emotional meltdown but if your dumped then you'll be an emotional wreck for a while. This in turn will prevent you from meeting a meaningful new person until your heart has healed. It will get better, trust me. I thought I was going to literally die through emotional pain 5 months ago. Now, I'm much better. Don't get me wrong I could still marry my ex, that's how highly I still value her but I can also see what went wrong and I'm not even sure I can be the person that would make it work with her, I'm still too immature and selfish with my time. Don't hate, it's not worth it.
Movingthrough Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Don't hate them for this - it's what people are programed to do. Its funny because it is super hard to deal with the idea of them being moved on, my ex did the same thing that every one posted above. But i did get me thinking...i have done the same thing. Reality is, when we go through break ups some of us deal with it like this, and some deal with it like that. Moving on or finding someone else is literally what anyone would do if they could. I was so mad when i heard she moved on so quick, but i had to be an adult about it and think hmmm if i met someone right now that really made me feel good...would i take it? Hell yeah i would, and thats basically all they did. When you are the dumpee you cant ever see straight, even as im typing this i can feel those feelings like you are describing, but i know in reality people are going to do what makes them happy, if the woman of my dreams walked through the door when we split, or right now, would i really turn it down? Nope.
Author guitarguy09 Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 i just dont get why she would make posts on being sad/missing the times we had and then the next day about being in love. almost as if she was bipolar. Is she making this relationship public because of the NC ive given her? what are your thoughts?
willpower Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 i just dont get why she would make posts on being sad/missing the times we had and then the next day about being in love. almost as if she was bipolar. Is she making this relationship public because of the NC ive given her? what are your thoughts? GET OUT OF THAT HEADSPACE. Tough love is quickest way our of this. Whatever she is doing or writing is BS to you. It's not something that should enter into you head. Why? If she felt things for you still then she'd call you and tell you, flip it around and think about how you most likely called her and told her you wanted her at break up time. It's actually impossible to stop yourself when your in love. Block out all that she is doing. It's not your business anymore. The only way out is to get better and move on. If she has stronger feelings for someone else there is not a single thing you can do. You can however put yourself through emotional turmoil and waste lots of time thinking about what she is thinking. She's not thinking of you, she's having sex with another man. My girl is with someone else, believe me I know your pain but with facing reality comes strength. And chicks dig strong guys, not emotional train wrecks. Take your time to heal, get it all out. Then move forwards. If you want to cry it out then listen to the album "first days of spring" by Noah and the whale. I sympathise with you, it's horrible but you don't really need my sympathy - you need to get yourself emotionally well again and only you can make that choice. You may not be able to see it now but recovery is a choice. Just try and point yourself in the right direction and hold onto hope that you'll be better. It speeds up the process!
Author guitarguy09 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 please guys i really need your thoughts on the situation, i feel so dead even with nc
paiger Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Don't know what else to say as everyone else above has pretty much summarized whats best for you to do. I guess i'm just posting here to say you're not alone lol. It's been 2 months for me too and my ex has girls constantly writing on his wall, putting hearts or saying "hey! it was great hanging out with you today ;)". I don't have him on facebook but thanks to our mutual friends it's become evident he's doing dandy without me. But it does make me wonder how the hell did he bounce back so quickly... I really like what "movingthrough" said about if the opportunity came that someone entered your life and made you happy, you wouldn't shut them out. Of course you would take the opportunity to fill up any void of unhappiness. Look at it this way. When people break up, their sole priority is number 1. Yourself and what makes YOU happy. I mean after all, after a breakup you should be selfish. Your ex, has found something that is making them happy. While you, are letting your happiness ride on them. Ask yourself, will getting your ex back really make you happy? Or do you just miss the thought of them? The good times? Do you truly think that talking to her and being with her will make you happy? Love blinds us... i'm serious. Take the time to prioritize. No contact is killer, ALL of us can sympathize. But you gotta tough it out if you really want to feel better. Short term pain = long term gain.
Mixed28 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Don't know what else to say as everyone else above has pretty much summarized whats best for you to do. I guess i'm just posting here to say you're not alone lol. It's been 2 months for me too and my ex has girls constantly writing on his wall, putting hearts or saying "hey! it was great hanging out with you today ;)". I don't have him on facebook but thanks to our mutual friends it's become evident he's doing dandy without me. But it does make me wonder how the hell did he bounce back so quickly... I really like what "movingthrough" said about if the opportunity came that someone entered your life and made you happy, you wouldn't shut them out. Of course you would take the opportunity to fill up any void of unhappiness. Look at it this way. When people break up, their sole priority is number 1. Yourself and what makes YOU happy. I mean after all, after a breakup you should be selfish. Your ex, has found something that is making them happy. While you, are letting your happiness ride on them. Ask yourself, will getting your ex back really make you happy? Or do you just miss the thought of them? The good times? Do you truly think that talking to her and being with her will make you happy? Love blinds us... i'm serious. Take the time to prioritize. No contact is killer, ALL of us can sympathize. But you gotta tough it out if you really want to feel better. Short term pain = long term gain. I agree with moving through and this is what happened to my ex (she was the dumper) two weeks after our break which was in November she met this guy who is now her new bf) at the time god it sucked but it makes since who would say no to someone they like? For the dumpee though things are different atleast right after the breakup could I meet someone 2 weeks after the breakup and get in a relationship with them without them being a rebound? not really because I any many others dumpees after a breakup are not emotionally stable I am now but it took 3 months. Now I am pursuing a new girl.
Author guitarguy09 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 would you consider this a rebound? knowing she immediately gave him the attention after we broke up. Its hard to believe her feelings for me turned off so quick, i mean we never had any bad times/fights it was all good. she knows i was devastated when we broke up and she still publicly posted that she was "in a relationship" with this guy it just seems so quick!
Author guitarguy09 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 and do you think i should give a reaction along the lines of "i thought you said you werent going to jump into another relationship so quick .." or should i just act like I didnt care? we were really really close and ive been told that she still has pictures of us up, but replaced the captions with "My best friend in the whole world <3" instead of the old loveydovey captions when we were together.
Layzie89 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 and do you think i should give a reaction along the lines of "i thought you said you werent going to jump into another relationship so quick .." or should i just act like I didnt care? Seriously? I think you know the answer to this question already. Leave it alone man. It's been two months...what do you think she'll see in you when she gets the text/call from you ranting on how she's in a relationship already? You'll be portraying yourself as weak, devastated, and clingy. Not attractive at all. Keep up with the NC man. I'm at day 32 so we're in the same boat.
willpower Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 would you consider this a rebound? No! She left you for him. That sucks but its how it went down. It doesnt mean she will stay with him, it just means at the time she felt stronger feelings towards him than you. Its not a rebound.
Mixed28 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 and do you think i should give a reaction along the lines of "i thought you said you werent going to jump into another relationship so quick .." or should i just act like I didnt care? we were really really close and ive been told that she still has pictures of us up, but replaced the captions with "My best friend in the whole world <3" instead of the old loveydovey captions when we were together. Just walk away man. Don't do it it will push her away. Like someone said it will make you look clingy. Just say screw it and focus on your self. Be totaly selfish channel the love you have for her back onto yourself. Spoil yourself. i lifted weights to spoil myself and got new cloth and videogames (although I don't have time to play them) But look you want a girl to want you, not want someone else i know that will be hard to get through your head right now because your still dealing with emotions but you will feel the same way in time when you think more clearly.
Author guitarguy09 Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 this whole situation seems pretty messed up to me. i mean its barely even 2 months and she claims to be head over heels for the guy she left me for. I've been told that they argue already. It's almost as if shes convincing herself that this was her best decision no matter what. now i see what kind of a person she really is.
Author guitarguy09 Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 this whole situation seems pretty messed up to me. i mean its barely even 2 months and she claims to be head over heels for the guy she left me for. I've been told that they argue already. It's almost as if shes convincing herself that this was her best decision no matter what. now i see what kind of a person she really is.
timchambo Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 dude cut ties. She doesn't deserve your attention. The sooner you FORCE yourself to stop checking up on her the sooner this pain will end. Trust me I am speaking from experience. Mine was over 7 years, we were engaged, she left for someone at work. I could not have taken better care of her, could not have loved her more, we didn't argue. There was no logical reason for it, other than the new guy can help advance her career, wanted something different, etc. She also claims there was no new guy. They don't really care if we know or not, its just about the image they are portraying to everyone else. They don't want their reputation ruined, they don't want to be labeled a cheater. That is why everything is "perfect" with the new guy and was so "terrible" with the old guy (us). They need a reason to justify their actions. Move on, these girls are selfish, using, manipulative whores. I can rest easy knowing nobody will be as caring, and generous as I was too her. It would be one thing to think this, but I KNOW this. She will figure this out one day...the hard way. Best of luck to you.
paleblue Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 she lied to you. and if she lies to you than that means she doesn’t respect or love you. you’re doing good going no contact. it’s really the only thing that going to help you get over this sooner than later. you know you can’t take her back even if things don’t work out with her new guy, because you can’t trust her. believe me, I know, it blows. but she made the choice to cause these problems, now it’s up to you to finish it. I guess my point is, now that you know it’s done, your next step is to start focusing on yourself. you will feel like you are dead inside, you will go thru the entire gambit of emotions. millions of questions running thru your head. you will go insane, you will get pissed, you will be sad, you will be mad, you will go crazy with rage probably, but its just the normal part of the grieving process. the most important thing is you keep focusing on yourself. and don’t talk to her. you feel down in the dumps right now, that’s only because she knocked you off your feet. once you get back on your feet you will be thanking yourself you maintained your dignity and pride by going no contact. if someone really loves and respects you they wouldn’t be doing this to you. focus on you. do what makes you happy right now, even if that means sitting on the couch watching movies. I agree with others that its probably best you consider deleting her from fb and any other form of social media. cut her out. otherwise you will prolong your agony. no one really is happy with breadcrumbs. or some ridiculous friendship. been there before. and if I knew then, what i know now, I would have cut that broad out of my life from day one after she ran out. instead we went back and forth, but in the end it never got me anywhere except more wasted time. when I could have been healing up sooner and finding someone else that is better for me. there are a lot of questions that you can never know the answers too. but it doesn’t really matter if it’s a rebound she’s in. there is just you. focus on you. you are stronger than her, you just don’t realize it. yet.
Chi townD Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 please guys i really need your thoughts on the situation, i feel so dead even with nc Dude, because you're not in NC!!!!! Yeah, you may not be in direct contact with her, but looking at her Facebook page to "Figure out where her head is at." isn't doing you any favors! Now look at you, you're picking apart anything thing she puts on her wall and thinking there's a hidden meaning behind it. How is this moving on? how is this moving forward? How is that theraputic and heal? I think you already know the answer. Sorry to be blunt, but you need to delete her FB page. Period!
Author guitarguy09 Posted March 2, 2011 Author Posted March 2, 2011 i just hate how she thinks the relationship we had was inferior compared to this new one which seems to be more "mature" for her. Oh please, what kind of guy would hit on a girl in a LTR anyway?disgusting, and its only been 2 months and shes acting as if shes found the one already
willpower Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 i just hate how she thinks the relationship we had was inferior compared to this new one which seems to be more "mature" for her. Oh please, what kind of guy would hit on a girl in a LTR anyway?disgusting, and its only been 2 months and shes acting as if shes found the one already Dude, I'm saying this becuase its real. You may not want to believe it but it will get easier if you do. Forget whatever she things, dont hate it, dont love it. She does not control your heart any more and she should not control your thoughts. When she is banging this man she is not thinking of you and you need to move on in the same way. What kind of guy would do that? Well I would, if you met someone who blew you away and they told you that they felt the same towards you would you really say 'ohh but your seeing someone else so we should both just be unhappy'. I dont know about you but I'd make the move. Your mind is framing the situation as though she 'should' still be in love with you. She is free to do what she wants. Once you truly accept this you'll begin to get better. Until then everything you do (incl hooking up with new people) will likely be a reaction to her in which case she still controls your life.
Author guitarguy09 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 thanks guys, deactivated my account 4 days ago and had a relative change my password so i wouldnt be tempted to check. Anyways, i feel pretty good not knowing anything. Though Im pretty sure im going to have to face this sooner or later, dont you think the crappy feeling surface once i start knowing in say about 6 months?
GivenUp0083 Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 its been 2 months since she dumped me. She said she was confused,didnt know what she wanted, wasnt ready for a relationship all that bull****. There was this other guy, she barely knew I always told myself she left me for him but she would deny. 2 months down my friends tell me shes in a relationship with him on facebook. she seems inlove and all that crap being happy, though she would make sad posts sometimes too. I just dont get how she could do this so quick and go on to the next guy, after two years of being with me she believes this oine is "real". i never hurt her emotionally and physically and i could say she was more into the relationship than i was. ive been strict No contact for one month. she would text me sometimes but they were very little crumbs. When i found out about this updated status today, i felt like total ****. Someone please help me reasses the situation. -thanks It hurts and it's hard to see it this way because no one wants to tell themselves this while it's happening.....but she was into this guy before she ended it with you. Rarely do women drop their boyfriend unless they have a plan B in the wings. Women can hold onto a relationship and "fake it" until they have someone else lined up because they're much more insecure than men are about being single. They are more dependent emotionally. She met this guy, realized she liked him, dropped you but didn't want to hurt you, took some time to see him, and then entered a relationship with him. 2 months sounds about right to see someone and get to know them before becoming official. It's hard, but you need to forget her completely. The best way to do that is to have fun. Do something fun with your friends, go out, take up a new hobby, join a new club or sport.....best thing you can do is meet another girl. Start asking girls out. What do you have to lose? I always found asking girls out right after a breakup to be much easier because I'm not as worried about their rejection because I'm still hurting from the big breakup. You might meet someone cool and she'll completely take your mind off your ex.
Author guitarguy09 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 It hurts and it's hard to see it this way because no one wants to tell themselves this while it's happening.....but she was into this guy before she ended it with you. Rarely do women drop their boyfriend unless they have a plan B in the wings. Women can hold onto a relationship and "fake it" until they have someone else lined up because they're much more insecure than men are about being single. They are more dependent emotionally. She met this guy, realized she liked him, dropped you but didn't want to hurt you, took some time to see him, and then entered a relationship with him. 2 months sounds about right to see someone and get to know them before becoming official. It's hard, but you need to forget her completely. The best way to do that is to have fun. Do something fun with your friends, go out, take up a new hobby, join a new club or sport.....best thing you can do is meet another girl. Start asking girls out. What do you have to lose? I always found asking girls out right after a breakup to be much easier because I'm not as worried about their rejection because I'm still hurting from the big breakup. You might meet someone cool and she'll completely take your mind off your ex. true, but heres the thing tho. I know for a fact that they hooked up 2 weeks or even less after the break up . Pretty sure this relationship was "official" by the end of January. Now I'm thinking she kept it hidden until it hit the 2 month mark but whatever its actually helping me move on, to know how easy she can be. How can I respect her when she cant even respect herself? The way she handled this whole situation shook me awake from what i thought she was. See even if she thinks she's happy with this new guy, i know shes a real mess emotionally as she is in the head. It doesnt even feel like pain anymore. It's like I finally realized how she isnt worth my time at all.
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