My Ex keeps contacting me..tellin me she will break up with the guy she left me for..

[SCG_Sasa1111]

Me and my ex gf of 4.5 years broke up in November when she became very distant and ended up leaving me for someone else because she said she got attached to him when I was gone on a 15 day vacation..can that be any more messed up?

 

Anyways..thats in the past its said and done. she made her decision and threw me to the side after 4.5 years together. I get a call from her back at the end of January- I picked up- Big Mistake.

 

Shes on the phone crying saying she can't do this-he leaves her and she can't handle seperation all this nonsense and how she has been trying to break up for over a month- how she is not eating properly, how she can't study and how he is completley insane and how he won't let her break up.

 

Now at this point I am like shocked because I am put in the most akwardest position I have ever been in. I told her to break up with him like she did to me and to fix this **** now before it gets worse.

 

Nothing happens. For the next 2 weeks. I end up seeing them together at the university library- we end up walkin by each other- what are the chances in that?? Next thing you know she goes on messenger and asks me how come I didn't say anything and I looked like I was going to kill someone and she has never seen me look that pissed ever. I replied like any person would: You left me for him- I got nothin to say to you.

 

She than begins to tell me how she can't do this anymore how its messing her up she is having health problems etc . and how she wants to see me...I agree cuz i am an IDIOT And i love this girl to death YET I CANT SEEM TO SAY NO. I See her she comes by my place I go in her car we talk a bit and she tells me how she will break up and all this crap and how she misses me and etc etc.

 

Next thing you know..nothin has happened I heard from a friend she saw them together again even after that...So i just said to myself thats it im done with this crap. I call her up and I tell her everything on my mind. I Tell her to leave me alone I am no ones doormat and that she lost me when she chose him over me. I told her we are done for good- you are dead to me.

 

We haven't talked now for a good 2.5 weeks - back to NC. What I dont understand is why is she coming back to me but she can't break up?...like THIS MAKES NO SENSE. I can't take this anymore this is why I said im done **** off leave me alone.

 

Please some insight on this would help. I am really lost. I have made it my goal that if she contacts me I will ignore 100 % I can't have this anymore. And there is no way I can ever be with her again after all this pain she caused.

[2011]

Well whatever the reason is you have got to rememeber this is draining you emotionally, she obviously doesn't care for you or she wouldn't toy with your emotions like this and it sounds like some little power trip game to see if you will still be available for her as she might be on the rocks with her RL. I would stick to what you are doing mate as it sounds like you could do without this in your life, you don't want to be on her merry go round of guys do you?

 

2011

[Movingthrough]

Well whatever the reason is you have got to remember this is draining you emotionally, she obviously doesn't care for you or she wouldn't toy with your emotions like this and it sounds like some little power trip game to see if you will still be available for her as she might be on the rocks with her RL. I would stick to what you are doing mate as it sounds like you could do without this in your life, you don't want to be on her merry go round of guys do you?

 

2011

 

 

Well i know what you are going through. While i did see my ex after our breakup, months later she would message me saying how much she missed me, cant stop thinking about me, etc etc. Mind you, the whole time she had a new boyfriend.

 

Your situation is actually really simple, she has something right in front of her face, a new focus, its not going good so she goes to her fall back, which is you. I don't mean that like you are a punk or something but lets be real, us guys we like to have a girl say that stuff to us, thats we pick up and go after it.

 

Its easier said then done, and i have messed it up 100 times, but at this point you have a girl that left you for someone else, is willing to do it again (kind of) for you, but then doesn't do it - that is a certified basket case. She has no idea what she wants and would get back with you just to leave you in a heartbeat.

 

Huge red flag - "Why didn't you say hi to me? You looked so pissed.."

 

Wow, why didn't you say hi to me? I looked pissed? She is saying that to get a reaction, she wants to know that you still like her, manipulative stuff.

 

I know its hard, but move on, she has issues.

[salem mark]

listen to the above advice, basket case and has issues, stay away

[Rose T]

I hear both of you, Movingthrough and SCG Sasa, I've been going through the same thing. You know, 2011 is right that this is wrong on so many levels, but I've also been trying to understand it for my own sanity.

 

I think it's probably a sign that our exes do really like the new person, but still feel a strong emotional connection with us. The new relationship is compelling for them and they probably know deep down that due to the break-up, they can't get back with you, but miss a lot of what you have to offer. It really sucks but I would also say that it's a sign of trouble in paradise. If you think back to the beginning of healthy new relationships, would you have been blowing up your ex's phone in those first few months? No way!! If you're completely into the new person, thoughts of exes just melt away. If you're with the new person but feel that your ex is better equipped to meet some of your emotional needs, then when the new relationship loses its charm they really won't have a great thing going on with that new person.

 

Other people will talk about the "branch-swinging" phenomenon where they keep a grip on you while the new relationship is settling down, but I have to say I personally find that kind of wierd. I suppose some people might be capable of it but it's not something I've ever done. If the excitement of the first three months of a new relationship aren't enough to take all your attention, how can that relationship survive six months, nine months, a year? I'm sure someone with more experience has a view on this but bottom line is, our exes aren't in a good place and the only way to keep cool and not assist their transition is to step away. They wanted to be with new people, so be it - they can do it on their own.

[Movingthrough]

If you're completely into the new person, thoughts of exes just melt away.

 

There you go. Simpliest way to explain it right there.

 

My ex doesnt try to talk to me, but she has talked behind my back when she hears im seeing certain people. Number one thing i thought of (and i had a therapist tell me this too) is when you are so "in love" you dont care about anything else.

 

People that show they are so in love, but still do what my ex did and what the OP's ex is doing, show that number one they still have something there even if its small, and number two they have underlying issues that mean they are using people as bandaids. Think about it, if you have problems in your life, deep down things you have never dealt with, isnt being with someone any easy way to forget them? Yep, and thats most of the time why its so easy for people to go to one thing to the next.

[SCG_Sasa1111]

All the replies i have read are very true in their own way. however, I still don't get if she says she has been trying to break up for so long but he doesn't let her..and she comes to me two times crying...yet she still doesn't break up...this means she is holding onto him because she has nothing else there, even if it is bad.its better than being alone right? because after what she did to me...and left me for this guy..she alienated herself from everyone..her friends..me..for that matter...so she has no one..thats the only reason I can think of..she is too emotionally weak to break up so she is with him because at this point if she does break up she would have lost everything. Thoughts?

[Rose T]

I think you're right, she probably feels in a corner and he's the one on her side at the moment... but for your own sanity you should probably believe that she likes him as well.

 

No-one stays in a relationship purely because they feel trapped - certainly not after a couple of months and if she has a viable option (like you). When they leave you for someone else, I've heard you should believe nothing they say and only half of what you see. Seriously, she's capable of leaving you in this flaky way, you have to believe that this person has a side you never really understood or saw.

 

She's not trustworthy. Even if she did come back to you, she might then have unfinished business with the new guy and you'd find yourself in another crappy situation. Sorry man but you don't deserve this.

[SCG_Sasa1111]

yeah you are right..i didn't see this coming not one bit..i was too naive. I thought i know her for those 4.5 years we spent almost everyday together. I leave for 15 and she gets attached to someone else? I will never understand that...its been almost 4 months..and the pain is like it happened yesterday..this has been the hardest thing to accept because she did it without like any feelings towards how I would feel. and yet she has the nerve to come back and talk to me about it? I seriously don't understand where her head is at