lenny Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Grrrrr! Not going to complain to him about it but you guys get to hear it. This is really a very minor irritation but irritated I am; and likely unjustifiably! A slight bit of background - been with the guy 7m and since day one pretty much spend 6 nights a week together since day one. We are going away this weekend because his sister is turning 40 and the family is planning a "thing"; we're leaving tomorrow late afternoon. Another factor, I live in western canada and it's been friggin cold this week (right now it's -40 with windchill - that's both C and F). He doesn't drive and on Tuesday is involved in a pool league. We're in a small town and everything but his apartment is 2 blocks from the pool hall and my house is about 12 blocks away. So on Tuesday, he stayed at his place (justifiably with the cold). Wednesday comes along and I'm feeling in a bit of a slump so say I just feel like being by myself tonight. BTW, this was the first time ever. Thursday, we met at a local pub after work for an hourish just hangin and the plan was discussed he would by coming over later. Usually he is here by 8 so when he wasn't her by 9 I texted what was happening for the evening. He responded "I will just chill here, I will spend tomorrow night with ya then all day sat and sun. Is that ok with you? We can do lunch or have supper tomorrow tho". I was kind of happy for this because I was still in my slump so was still in be by myself mode. Now comes Friday (today). I texted him before noon to see if he was wanting to do the lunch thing and he didn't respond. Not a biggy, his phone could have been on the charger in the other room so he didn't hear int time. We did text each other a bit this afternoon. He is in a bowling league that starts at 8 so when I didn't hear from him by 6:30 figured the supper idea was also out. At 7:45 he texted me "Off to bowling. Wish me luck baby" to which I responded with the appropriate good luck and kick ass type response. The bowling alley is even closer to his place - one block. When he finished bowling he texted again asking if I was still up. This was shortly before midnight so I assume he went with the boys for one after the game. I said yes, why are you asking. He has surprised me with bringing people home unexpectedly before. He has a key so really just shows up normally and hasn't asked this before. I told him I was still up but why was he asking (meaning ... the house is a mess if he's bringing someone by. Do I need to power clean????). He responded that he was just wondering if he should come over. My text back was "It's friggin cold out do u even want to? If your just thinking you should I would say it's ok" End result, he just went home. We've texted a bit back and forth regarding tomorrows plans but he seems a little colder to me in these texts that he normally is - just facts, no huns and babys like he usually includes. So, now I'm irritated for no reason really. It is friggin cold out!!!! I'm off to bed really soon anyways, so what's the point. That was what was going through my head when I said it. His decision is completely rational. BUT ... since we got together, last night was already longer than we'd ever gone without sleeping together. I miss him, and kinda hoped he'd come anyways. I reflected on my feeling this; how could I justifiably be irritated when him going home was my idea. It then occurred to me I had unknowingly subjected him to one of those fitness/**** tests I've been hearing so much about ... and he failed! Thus I am irritated! I'm also left wondering it this is payback for asking him not to come over for the first time on Wed?
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Honestly, it just sounds to me like you are overthinking/overanalyzing this. Thinking of this as a 'test' that he isn't even aware of isn't going to do your relationship any good. I know you would have liked for him to insist on coming over, but honestly... how was he supposed to know that? Next time, say what you mean and mean what you say. That works a lot better than game playing/tests and stuff like that.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 @LucreziaBorgia Your advice is solid, sensible, logical and...unrealistic. I agree with it...but things don't work that way. @lenny You probably did on some unconscious level "test" him that way. Too many people have noted that women "$hit test" men. Sometimes it's called playing hard to get. Women do this unconsciously. Men do similar things just as unconsciously. These are responses which are evolved into the deep dark basal parts of our brain from 400 million years ago. That said you have to use your conscious brain and think what do I want. This man wasn't willing after over half a year of being inseparable to walk 12 blocks through the bitter cold to be with you. Otherwise he's a great guy it seems. Just try to forgive him see him in a few days...and in a week or two this will be all but forgotten. Unless you are expecting an ice age sometime soon and only want kids who can walk miles through bitter cold.
Titania22 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 I agree with the others, and also really enjoy reading your story. Please keep us informed as I would like to know how it all turns out. Perhaps after 6months of being inseparable it is natural to take a few days apart. Good luck!
Author lenny Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 I do know all of this is absolutely irrelevant, no problems or anything. Just thinking out loud. Just yesterday I was reading up on that $hit test stuff that some guy mentioned in a forum and I just didn't get it at all - until I started one. This human interaction stuff is really fascinating. I don't know why I worded the text that way because I usually say exactly what I mean so it would have been something like "I miss you whole bunches and would really like to see you but I am going to bed right away so probably not worth risking your knackers in the cold." Chances were then that he would decide to brave the elements (which obviously I really wanted) but if he decided to stay home I would have gotten my gooey babies and hunnies in the further texts. The message I sent was just loaded with indifference so he responded in kind. I did withdraw from him this week and he knows I've been a little weirded out about us lately. This whole week has been loaded with indifference. In one of the texts yesterday afternoon he sent "Are you gonna want me to leave you alone tonight or should I come over." Even though I am still feeling a bit withdrawn, I am thinking he needs me to be a little mushy with him again so I am going to put a little more thought into how I say things to him. Coincidentally, last week during a random conversation, I said to him, wouldn't it be strange if we didn't see each other for like 5 days. He said no, you might have a work trip or go up to your cabin at the lake so all that would be fine. I said no not for something like that but with both of us in town to which he said that would just be stupid, we live 10 blocks apart. Who knew that the next week this random thought would almost come to pass - just 4 days though Anyways, he'll be here in an hour and then we're off on our overnight trip to his sister's. I am of course a bit stressed about this as this is only the second time I've been around his family and the first time was only for a meal but I'll survive. Since we'll be crashing at the sisters I guess nookie will be out of the question
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