csw Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Ive been with my current bf for 3 years. today i was with my ex who is like my best friend. he kissed me and i pushed away and he kept grabbing me and i fell for it (dumb me) and we started making out. he started grabbing me threw my pant and i gave him a handjob. i dont know if i should tell my bf and ruin everything since i have no feelings for him or not.
Crow9726 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Your ex is definitely not your best friend...he's just another horny guy trying to get into your pants. You need to tell your bf and let him decide how he wants to continue...he is deserving of your honesty at this point.
neveragain1 Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 i dont know if i should tell my bf and ruin everything since i have no feelings for him or not. what do you mean ruin everything? only thing you'd be ruining is saving your bf from having a gf like you who handjobs another guy, makes out, and cheats. plain and simple, if you respect your bf, tell him and give him the information to decide his own fate. otherwise if you don't respect him and could care less, keep it from him, continue to live the lie of omission. but you wouldn't ruin anything by telling him. he has an unfaithful, untrustworthy girlfriend.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Ive been with my current bf for 3 years. today i was with my ex who is like my best friend. he kissed me and i pushed away and he kept grabbing me and i fell for it (dumb me) and we started making out. he started grabbing me threw my pant and i gave him a handjob. i dont know if i should tell my bf and ruin everything since i have no feelings for him or not. The clear rule on this is as follows: "IF there is any realistic chance that your boyfriend could find out through other channels, then you tell him first" "IF there is no realistic chance that your boyfriend could find out some other way, then you DON'T tell him, ever" What's done is done... and now the question only relates to your upsetting him (possibly needlessly).
jnj express Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 How is it that you have a BF, and are spending time with another man---X/BF whatever----That is completely inappropriate---- You couldn't have tried very hard to get away---and I doubt very much if the guy twisted you arm and forced you to give him a BJ---you abviously wanted all of this to happen---OR IT WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED---DON'T DEFEND WHAT YOU DID AS IF YOU COULDN'T HELP YOURSELF---YOU HAVE A VOICE, AND YOU HAVE TWO ARMS TO PUSH THE GUY AWAY---admit it you wanted it to happen If you have any hope of having a relationship you cannot be with other males at all----if you wanna mess around with all kinds of guys----then stay single, and you can be with someone different every night of the year If you are gonna go on with the guy you are shacking up with---cuz obviously he is not a BF to you---you don't give other guys BJ's and have a BF---you need to tell him what you have done---so he can decide if he wants to continue on with you knowing what you actually are---and you need to learn what a loving relationship really is, and how to conduct yourself when in one
TaraMaiden Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Ive been with my current bf for 3 years. today i was with my ex who is like my best friend. he kissed me and i pushed away and he kept grabbing me and i fell for it (dumb me) and we started making out. he started grabbing me threw my pant and i gave him a handjob. i dont know if i should tell my bf and ruin everything since i have no feelings for him or not. First of all, be completely honest: You wanted this to happen. If you hadn't - it wouldn't have. Draw your own conclusions of what your options are. Telling him might be an option.... But staying with him isn't. You cheated, and you cheated knowing what you were doing, and you did it willingly, knowing you have a BF. But you don't deserve to have.
jnj express Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Sincere whatever you are------what are you some kind of idiot----where did your clear rule come from---somewhere inside what you sit on The betrayed deserves to know what kind of a partner they have NO MATTER WHAT The cheater who tries to hide what they are doing, is for the most part always consummed with festering guilt and shame, and that needs to be purged Obviously you don't know very much about infidelity---so please keep your CLEAR RULES to yourself
reservoirdog1 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Ive been with my current bf for 3 years. today i was with my ex who is like my best friend. he kissed me and i pushed away and he kept grabbing me and i fell for it (dumb me) and we started making out. he started grabbing me threw my pant and i gave him a handjob. i dont know if i should tell my bf and ruin everything since i have no feelings for him or not. Firstly, accept this as fact: the damage to your relationship with your BF has already been done. He just doesn't know it yet. Until you come clean with your BF, your relationship will henceforth be based on a pretty big lie. That lie, specifically, is that you and your BF are honest with and faithful to each other. The reality is that it only applies to your BF. Since your ex is your "best friend", no doubt your BF knows him too. Your ex has probably socialized with you and your BF. And your ex is now, officially, a cancer on your relationship -- he's somebody who has done things to damage your relationship. To continue to have your ex in your life after what just went down is grossly disrespectful to your BF. Are you honestly going to dupe your BF into naively socializing with the ex who you jacked off and made out with? That would be completely trashy of you. I said before that the damage has been done, only your BF doesn't know it yet. He has a right to make decisions about his life armed with all the information. Unfortunately for you, one piece of that information is that his supposedly loyal GF is willing to make out with and give handjobs to other guys. You've already made a very selfish and dumb decision. Don't compound it by becoming a liar for your own selfish reasons. Judging people for the stupid, hurtful and selfish things they do is one thing. The true test of one's character is what they do in the cold light of day, AFTER they've done the stupid, hurtful and selfish thing.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Sincere whatever you are------what are you some kind of idiot----where did your clear rule come from---somewhere inside what you sit on The betrayed deserves to know what kind of a partner they have NO MATTER WHAT The cheater who tries to hide what they are doing, is for the most part always consummed with festering guilt and shame, and that needs to be purged Obviously you don't know very much about infidelity---so please keep your CLEAR RULES to yourself ROFL - and folks, here is another self-centered fool, and probably one who has done their share of cheating. Those of us with higher morals do not care, and will never care about the cheater's "festering guilt and shame". As "betrayal" does not truly show up on a 'white cloth test' (no matter how many fairytales you have read and believed), it is a mental and emotional element, and not, really, a physical flaw. With that in mind, it is only sensible to leave the innocent "innocent" unless that is rendered impossible by third parties or third-party threats. When common sense prevails, there is only one guideline: "IF there is any realistic chance that your partner could find out through other channels, then you tell them first" "IF there is no realistic chance that your partner could find out some other way, then you DON'T tell them, ever" (fessing up to your own cheating, if only to release your own flood of guilt, and at the same time bringing upon your innocent partner avoidable intense mental and emotional anguish which he/she did not deserve, is merely further evidence of your own cruelty and complete selfishness) It's basically doubling the outward signs of your own stupidity, while at the same time implying to your partner that you think they're so dense that they need twice as many reasons to kick your ass to the curb. But it is a great concept: having all of the idiots in this world just raise their hands or wear a sign.
Andy_K Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Tell him. You can't undo what has been done, but you can make the effort to live from this moment onwards with the integrity and honesty of a decent human being. It's up to your boyfriend to decide whether he can forgive you or not, and for you to accept his decision. That is your karma. Either way, you can move on and learn from this situation. You've learnt that you can't remain friends with an ex if either of you still has feelings for the other. You've learnt how guilty cheating makes you feel. You'll learn the effect it has on others when you tell him, and you'll learn whether you two can get past it or not. Take the opportunity to learn, grow, and become a better person, rather than live the lie and become morally and spiritually bankrupt.
race_engine Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 i see where SincereOnlineGuy is coming from and i used to think that way too. i once cheated on a past gf and i would be DAMNED if i told her the truth. she never found out even to this day, i swore to myself i wouldn't tell her because i didn't think it would accomplish anything other than making matters far worse than they already could have been. see when you cheat (if you're a good cheater) only you will know about it and your partner probably will never even find out. the only punishment dealt out is towards YOU because you will always remember it, every time you look in their eyes, every time you kiss them, it will be in the back of your head "i am a f***ing dirty filthy whore cheater" and that alone will pretty much eat anyone alive who has a good conscience. why bring your partner into that problem and make them suffer too? wouldn't it be easier on them if they remained ignorant and happy, never having to suffer the burden that the one they love cheated on them? i can easily see this side of the coin.... BUT i do not think like this any more. now i would agree more with jnj express' statements (although i do still understand both sides). see, now i have a gf who i care much more about than my previous girl (my previous girl did nothing but disrespect me and act like a spoiled brat, and while she never cheated on me, i felt she deserved it in a way) and my new girl treats me awesome, always respects me, and always is honest with me, even telling me when she makes a mistake that i would have no way of finding out and she could easily just hide it from me. in return for such honesty and trust i find it only fair that i also be 100% honest with her, which means i'd NEVER cheat on her and if i did i would feel compelled to tell her. i think it depends on what kind of bf you have. obviously you don't care about him as much as you act like. and if you cheated on him in the first place, he must not be satisfying you properly (ALTHOUGH that does NOT justify your actions, what you did is still wrong). it's up to you. i'd say tell him and get it over with. he probably will find out anyway. guys always tend to find out eventually, i think we're much better at detecting that sort of thing than you girls are, sorry but it's the truth lol. so i say just tell him now while the event is still fresh. don't be surprised if he immediately breaks all contact with you and leaves for good. that's what i would do. on the other hand, if he stays with you after hearing this, and he forgives you and puts it behind him, then you know he's a desperate schmuck who has no self-respect for himself....it sounds like either way you are screwed honey. shouldn't have grabbed that other dude's weiner... good luck
Gypsy_Soul Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Do this boyfriend of yours a huge favor, and tell him.
Spectre Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 (edited) With that in mind, it is only sensible to leave the innocent "innocent" unless that is rendered impossible by third parties or third-party threats. No, it's sensible to simply not jerk off another dude if you are in a relationship. You can't act like a whore one minute then try to be "sensible" the next. When common sense prevails, there is only one guideline: Common sense is not to jerk off another dude while you have a bf. Common sense is also not to be remain best friends with your ex, and common sense sure as f*ck is to not spend time *alone* with said ex. So again, you can't pick and choose when to be a decent person. (fessing up to your own cheating, if only to release your own flood of guilt, and at the same time bringing upon your innocent partner avoidable intense mental and emotional anguish which he/she did not deserve, is merely further evidence of your own cruelty and complete selfishness) Pure utter BS. First off, you do not get to pick and choose when to be a nice person. Thus, you do not have the right to worry about hurting someone *after* jerking another dude off. You should be worrying about that before doing so, and your worrying should prevent you from doing that. Plus if you really want to talk about cruelty and being selfish, it is cruel to remain in a relationship with someone that is based on a lie. It is cruel to make someone else look like a complete and utter fool by not telling them this and having them think you are not the utter horribly person you truly are. It is cruel and selfish to not allow them the chance to find an actual relationship because they are wasting time with whatever type of loser cheats. It's basically doubling the outward signs of your own stupidity, while at the same time implying to your partner that you think they're so dense that they need twice as many reasons to kick your ass to the curb. No, it's basically giving them the chance to see the person for who they really are..and giving them the chance to actually move on and find someone worthy of their time. You sound like you have the mentality of a 12 yr. old girl. At the end of the day, your point is that you feel you are somehow doing this person a favor by not telling them. That is BS, in the long run you are doing a lot more damage to the person then you ever would by telling them the truth. As to the person who posted this topic: You do not care about your boyfriend at all. You also clearly are not going to tell him, as you would of done so already if you truly were. I can only hope that he somehow finds out that his gf is a complete and utter skank and dumps you. Any person who truly believes what you are saying is the right thing to do has very low intelligence. In which then hey..I can't exactly blame you as it is not your fault you were born stupid. Unless you got that way by huffing paint or something, then it is your fault. Edited March 11, 2011 by Spectre
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