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How many times have you been "in love"? Is it necessary for a healthy relationship?

kaygato

By kaygato
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kaygato Established Member

kaygato

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I'm just wondering because I don't think I was ever in love with my ex boyfriend. I think I was infatuated at the beginning of our relationship but that faded off and then my love for him did grow, but it never was "crazy passion" or anything. Can anyone relate? My ex started seeing a new girl and I have crazy jealousy about it, but I'm not sure that means I'm in love.

 

So I was just wondering how many times you've been in love, and how important that "crazy" feeling is in a romantic relationship?

Lilmisus Established Member

Lilmisus

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I'm just wondering because I don't think I was ever in love with my ex boyfriend. I think I was infatuated at the beginning of our relationship but that faded off and then my love for him did grow, but it never was "crazy passion" or anything. Can anyone relate? My ex started seeing a new girl and I have crazy jealousy about it, but I'm not sure that means I'm in love.

 

So I was just wondering how many times you've been in love, and how important that "crazy" feeling is in a romantic relationship?

 

Once for me. I've been infatuated with boyfriends before and thought I loved them, but realized when they were gone from my life that I loved them, but wasn't in love with them, there's a big difference. When you're in love though, you just..know. It doesn't have to be a crazy love, it's just a comforting feeling and desire to be with them and for them to be happy.

 

I think that the stronger that "crazy passion" feeling is, the more likely the relationship will fail. I say this because, the stronger the passion with the love, the stronger the passion will be with the hate as well. I've seen so many couples be so crazy about each, constantly making out and telling each other how much they love one another and spending every moment with each other, than a few weeks later, they are constantly fighting. This isn't true with most couples, the younger you are, the more likely it seems to be true though. But being in love doesn't mean to be incredibly passionate, that just comes with it, and it dies out sooner or later in the relationship to an extent.

 

And I was talking about that recently. Seeing an ex with someone and feeling jealous. I think it's more or less feeling like "He/she's mine, back off!" not necessarily a feeling of love. Kind of like a possession type thing, and you don't want to share them with anyone else, regardless of the fact that you don't want to be with them, ya know? I doubt that if you didn't think you loved him while y'all were together, that you would suddenly realize your love due to jealousy.

East7 Established Member

East7

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I'm just wondering because I don't think I was ever in love with my ex boyfriend. I think I was infatuated at the beginning of our relationship but that faded off and then my love for him did grow, but it never was "crazy passion" or anything. Can anyone relate?

 

I depends, have you been crazy in love for someone before? Some people never really feel passion for anyone. It also depends what is your life experience, if you are only 20 it is normal.

 

My ex started seeing a new girl and I have crazy jealousy about it, but I'm not sure that means I'm in love.

 

No jealousy is just a competition instinct, you don't have to be in love to be jealous.

 

So I was just wondering how many times you've been in love, and how important that "crazy" feeling is in a romantic relationship?

 

When you are really in love, you can tell it ! You don't even ask the question, it is obvious.

 

You don't need to be crazy to be in a relationship; being crazy is very romantic and amazing but it hurts like hell when it ends.

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kaygato Established Member

kaygato

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Once for me. I've been infatuated with boyfriends before and thought I loved them, but realized when they were gone from my life that I loved them, but wasn't in love with them, there's a big difference. When you're in love though, you just..know. It doesn't have to be a crazy love, it's just a comforting feeling and desire to be with them and for them to be happy.

 

I think that the stronger that "crazy passion" feeling is, the more likely the relationship will fail. I say this because, the stronger the passion with the love, the stronger the passion will be with the hate as well. I've seen so many couples be so crazy about each, constantly making out and telling each other how much they love one another and spending every moment with each other, than a few weeks later, they are constantly fighting. This isn't true with most couples, the younger you are, the more likely it seems to be true though. But being in love doesn't mean to be incredibly passionate, that just comes with it, and it dies out sooner or later in the relationship to an extent.

 

And I was talking about that recently. Seeing an ex with someone and feeling jealous. I think it's more or less feeling like "He/she's mine, back off!" not necessarily a feeling of love. Kind of like a possession type thing, and you don't want to share them with anyone else, regardless of the fact that you don't want to be with them, ya know? I doubt that if you didn't think you loved him while y'all were together, that you would suddenly realize your love due to jealousy.

 

"it's just a comforting feeling and desire to be with them and for them to be happy" -----> I did feel like that around my ex. But isn't that also how you feel around a close friend?

 

I have felt that "passion" before, but it was only a crush. Nothing ever came of it, but it was real in my head...lol. When I was around that person I'd turn into an idiot and not know what to say and get all nervous. I know that that isn't really love though. With my ex, I got to know him because he was friends with a mutual friend so by the time I'd started having feelings I was already fairly comfortable around him.

 

The one thing that I think complicates this is that this was an ldr. I'm a very reserved/guarded person so I'm probably not the prime candidate to be in an ldr. When in person it's difficult enough for me to open up to people...the distance makes it even easier for me to hide my foibles. I don't think I really allowed myself to completely open up emotionally to him...so I'm wondering if that's part of it.

 

Honestly, I think what it boils down to is chemistry. Although I'm physically attracted to him, my heart never really started pounding and there weren't any butterflies that I can remember. Is that ever something that develops as you get to know a person?

 

I know he's my ex, but I'm still wondering how I really felt. I guess I wasn't "in love" with him, even though I wanted to be. I don't think I would have had to think about it if I was. I loved him very deeply...but "in love"? I just don't think I was.

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kaygato Established Member

kaygato

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Btw I'm only 18, and this was my first relationship. I'm just wondering what being "in love" feels like to other people.

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kaygato Established Member

kaygato

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^ Bump. Anyone else have any insights?

LeaningIntoTheMuse Established Member

LeaningIntoTheMuse

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I've never been in love, so I don't know what it's like.

carhill Established Member

carhill

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I've never been in love, so I don't know what it's like.

Sometimes ignorance is indeed bliss.

 

On-topic, for me, twice in 51. BTDT, lots of life left to live. IMO, if one's psychology is driven by 'in love', then yes it's necessary, along with a whole host of other aspects, for a healthy relationship. Everyone is different.

The Studmuffin Established Member

The Studmuffin

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I have been in love. More than once. But none of those times, it became a relationship. These were girls that I knew a little bit or a lot, so it was not always just a crush.

I think that the stronger that "crazy passion" feeling is, the more likely the relationship will fail.

 

I tend to agree. As I said, I've been in love, and in my experience there is not a direct connection between being "crazy in love" and a successful relationship.

 

I've started to look for something different, something more stable to build on. I want the girl to be kind (to me, especially), fun to be around, psychologically stable and positive. And there has to be a certain compatability.

 

I used to ask myself the same question, if "crazy in love" was necessary or good for a relationship, but today I don't think so.

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kaygato Established Member

kaygato

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BTDT? What does that mean? Thanks everyone, you've given me some stuff to think of.

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