xpaperxcutx Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Online dating is tough because 95 % of the time your looks are what gets you their attention but then there's the other 5% where you have to impress strangers with your self descriptive drivel. I'm not an ugly betty or a drool worthy supermodel, but I get by with the typical ( exotic) Asian look. However, I'm still bad at making myself presentable through writing. Take for example, my current pro on OKC ( yes, I started a new account on there) has me bragging about the evolutionary changes of my hair. I know! Who actually wants to hear about my hair going from auburn to dark brown, to my current blonde locks? And if it doesn't get any worse than being a snobbish hair fanatic, I talk about my dog and the horrible ordeal I go through to potty train him. I want to make myself bubbly and presentable but I'm merely coming across as sarcastic and self- absorbed. I mean it's hard not to be sarcastic and pretentious but am I overdoing it? I need a good editor.
somedude81 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 I was halfway expecting a link to man's profile that you thought was perfect. I don't mean to be rude, but the only thing a woman's profile needs to have to get hundreds of messages is a picture and not contain anything like, "I drink the blood of puppies."
Leeway Harris Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Are you sure you're coming off that way? Has anybody told you that? Maybe it's not as bad as you think.
SmileFace Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 , "I drink the blood of puppies." I am officially tempted to start a mock profile with this quote . However , that isn't actually true - shrugs. I would comment but I am done with online dating so what I say won't provide me any type of help - so nevermind.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 I am officially tempted to start a mock profile with this quote . However , that isn't actually true - shrugs. I would comment but I am done with online dating so what I say won't provide me any type of help - so nevermind. Do it. LOL. Just to see what response you get.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 I was halfway expecting a link to man's profile that you thought was perfect. I don't mean to be rude, but the only thing a woman's profile needs to have to get hundreds of messages is a picture and not contain anything like, "I drink the blood of puppies." Photos aren't player-proof. All my pictures are PG-13 but they can only attract compliments like " hey, you have such a gorgeous face", or " hey hun, great lips!" False compliments, while ego stroking, are not what I'm looking for in the long run. I want to assert myself more and seek out dateable men. Are you sure you're coming off that way? Has anybody told you that? Maybe it's not as bad as you think. It's certainly bad if people writing me have nothing to say to me except " hey hun, how ru?" And I'm not even kidding on spelling and punctuations. I feel too pretentious even though it's not my intention to be attention-seeking.
somedude81 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Photos aren't player-proof. All my pictures are PG-13 but they can only attract compliments like " hey, you have such a gorgeous face", or " hey hun, great lips!" False compliments, while ego stroking, are not what I'm looking for in the long run. I want to assert myself more and seek out dateable men. If you want to date online, you have to sift through the trash. Having a meticulously detailed profile will not do that. You will still get men who will take one look at your profile and send you a message. Also, PG-13 pictures? If you think your pictures are racy you might want to tone those down.
Leeway Harris Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 It's certainly bad if people writing me have nothing to say to me except " hey hun, how ru?" And I'm not even kidding on spelling and punctuations. I don't know, from what I understand it's about what I'd expect. Isn't that how it works? Guys complain that they never get messages at all, while girls complain that they never get messages that aren't boring and stupid? I don't have a lot of faith in the online dating website as a way of meeting people, so take my comments with some salt.
Nexus One Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 I need a good editor. I'd help out, but I hardly know anything about you, so I'm not sure if I could improve your profile.
Jannah Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Online dating is tough because 95 % of the time your looks are what gets you their attention but then there's the other 5% where you have to impress strangers with your self descriptive drivel. I'm not an ugly betty or a drool worthy supermodel, but I get by with the typical ( exotic) Asian look. However, I'm still bad at making myself presentable through writing. Take for example, my current pro on OKC ( yes, I started a new account on there) has me bragging about the evolutionary changes of my hair. I know! Who actually wants to hear about my hair going from auburn to dark brown, to my current blonde locks? And if it doesn't get any worse than being a snobbish hair fanatic, I talk about my dog and the horrible ordeal I go through to potty train him. I want to make myself bubbly and presentable but I'm merely coming across as sarcastic and self- absorbed. I mean it's hard not to be sarcastic and pretentious but am I overdoing it? I need a good editor. You're description above, sounds bubbly to me. Lenka in this video is a good example of Bubbly/Perky... That comes from within. Do you find yourself easily amused, deeply moved by certain things, have a silly spot, well if you do....let it shine. :bunny::bunny:
AverageJoe Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 I grill an excellent porterhouse steak, I make an incredible butter sauce with fresh herbs and home brew my own beer. I do it all while showing incredible cleavage and I am not afraid of my sexuality. Later we can turn on ESPN and catch up on the latest. If there is a hot girl on ESPN I might entertain the idea of us all together. Shoot me an email. That is just one example. It's really all you have to say. Then filter through the ones you like. It may take a while but strength is in numbers. Guys really don't give a damn about how much you love your cat or dog. The painful steps you went through to get your hair the desired look you were after. How much you love your family, the scrapbooks you made, the little trinkets you may save for a special moment. Really. We just don't care.
Kamille Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Yeah, I joined a dating profile years back (a friend had built the website). I remember, at the time, I was reading a lot about artificial intelligence, so I put one little line about that in my profile. It provoked a lot of interest and many guys started conversations leading with that. Maybe you need something like that? Something that's specific and striking, and more gender neutral than hair color.
Eddie Edirol Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 guys dont care how you come off in your profile, as long as you dont come off like a downer and bitter. Guys dont have tons of messages coming to them , so if you look good enough in the pic, they are prepared to find out what you are like past your profile. Youre gonna have to file through the players, they try the hardest, its part of the burden of online dating. If you wanna do the ultimate filtering, its much easier in person. Start approaching guys in person and you will find someone much faster that way.
LittleTiger Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 I found 'the man of my dreams' online and it was the description of myself that attracted him - I didn't post a proper photo (deliberately) - just photos of me doing stuff but no close up body or face shots. I was looking for someone very special and I found him. My profile was 'perfect' to attract the 'perfect' guy for me. The trick is knowing exactly what it is you're looking for and then designing your profile accordingly. You don't fish for salmon with a box full of worms! If you're looking for a casual date your profile needs to be different from when you're looking for a LTR and, if you're looking for a LTR, what kind of man are you looking for? If you're looking for the guy who wants a trophy and likes girlie girls, tell him all about your hair and your clothes and the films you like etc and post some 'dolled up' photos. If you're looking for a guy who values you for your 'soul', tell him who you are inside - what you love, what your values are, what makes you happy, what lights your fire, what makes you tick - and don't bother with the photo at all. If you're looking for a guy who is into the same stuff as you, tell him what you like doing, what are your hobbies and your interests and use photos that show you doing all that stuff. You also need to pick the dating site according to what you're looking for. There are hundreds out there. Some you have to pay for, of course, but they each attract different 'types' of people. It's not rocket science but it does involve a lot of thinking before you come up with the 'perfect' finished article.
LittleTiger Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 I grill an excellent porterhouse steak, I make an incredible butter sauce with fresh herbs and home brew my own beer. I do it all while showing incredible cleavage and I am not afraid of my sexuality. Later we can turn on ESPN and catch up on the latest. If there is a hot girl on ESPN I might entertain the idea of us all together. Shoot me an email. That is just one example. It's really all you have to say. Then filter through the ones you like. It may take a while but strength is in numbers. Guys really don't give a damn about how much you love your cat or dog. The painful steps you went through to get your hair the desired look you were after. How much you love your family, the scrapbooks you made, the little trinkets you may save for a special moment. Really. We just don't care. Now, this is interesting 'cos it illustrates exactly what I'm talking about. This is the perfect profile if you're looking for a guy like AverageJoe - who, if I remember correctly, is a bit of a 'player' and has no intention of settling down. At the opposite end of the spectrum there are guys who do care how much you love your family, your cat or your dog and the AverageJoe type profile won't work on them.
self-improvement Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 What makes me interested in a woman's profile is 1) a good, normal picture on which you can actually see her face (no cell phone pic in front of the mirror, no studio shot) 2) some short, interesting fact/hobby/... I can turn into a conversation. It doesn't really have to be much. What rather drives me away from a profile 1) complaints saying that you really don't want to be on this site, you don't really believe in online dating, your bff signed you up, and so on 2) the impression your profile might be fake (i.e. only one picture, too little information) 3) too much information too soon. It really does make you appear self-absorbed and it kills off mystery and curiosity. Also, guys never read a profile completely . We don't want to know your life story within 5 minutes of looking at your profile. Neither do you, right? And because we don't read the entire profile, girls get upset with inattentive guys. Sure, it's a good method to weed out exactly those guys, but it also causes alot of trouble. I especially don't like the sort of information that tends to create a strange picture of you in a guy's mind. Some examples I've stumbled upon: a woman (mid 20s) wrote about her stuffed animals she's had since she was 3 and her never wanting to give them away; another one was so obsessed with her dog, it seemed she was dating the dog and searching for a pet-guy. But that's just me talking. Who knows, maybe some guys are instantly attracted to that. I wouldn't worry too much about pimping my profile. Since guys are steered by looks, the profile picture is most important IMO. Add tidbits of information (like fishing hooks) he can strike up a conversation with, but nothing that might scare him away.
oaks Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Add tidbits of information (like fishing hooks) he can strike up a conversation with, but nothing that might scare him away. This. If there's nothing for the guy to talk to you about other than your photos then you'll only get emails telling you how pretty you are which doesn't sound like what you want.
AverageJoe Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 This is the perfect profile if you're looking for a guy like AverageJoe - who, if I remember correctly, is a bit of a 'player' and has no intention of settling down. Not sure I how I missed this until now but it made me lol You know nothing of me.
LittleTiger Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Not sure I how I missed this until now but it made me lol You know nothing of me. I know what I've read in your posts, but if I've mistaken you for someone else then I apologise. Am I wrong then?
Leeway Harris Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 This. If there's nothing for the guy to talk to you about other than your photos then you'll only get emails telling you how pretty you are which doesn't sound like what you want. I also agree. There are so many women's profiles up that say almost nothing about themselves. In fact, it takes some of them several paragraphs to say that nothing. That's not even counting the ones whose entire text reads "looking for nice guy hit me up." I think some of them expect to get by on the strength of their pictures. They need to realize, nobody's picture really stands out on these sites. They all look exactly the same after a while, from the drop-dead gorgeous model to the weary-eyed single mom. Exactly. The. Same. So, if you don't give them something to write about, why would you expect them to write you?
zengirl Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Just put up a dating profile after my break-up. I get very few comments about my looks -- maybe a throwaway 'you're attractive too' or whatnot -- but lots of messages. Part of it is an age range thing (I'm 26 and date guys 24-34) and part of it is what you write. I write very specific interests and passions. I also have it written my philosophy of relationships. I try to paint a picture of me as a person. Without knowing you, I couldn't tell you what to write except to write about something you're passionate about.
AverageJoe Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 I know what I've read in your posts, but if I've mistaken you for someone else then I apologise. Am I wrong then? I guess it all depends on what your definition of a player is. I have never claimed to be one. But if your definition of it fits, then so be it. I can't change the perceptions of another. I suggest not to presume to know me based on the little pixels jumping off your screen of a multi-player based cms notepad. Just ask.
LittleTiger Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 I guess it all depends on what your definition of a player is. I have never claimed to be one. But if your definition of it fits, then so be it. I can't change the perceptions of another. I suggest not to presume to know me based on the little pixels jumping off your screen of a multi-player based cms notepad. Just ask. I based my assumption on the many things you've written, including what you've said here about the perfect profile. I don't presume to know you at all - and I have no idea what a multi-player based cms notepad is! We all draw conclusions about each other based on our posts and you're not exactly a newbie so there's a reasonable number of posts to go on. I also meant no insult by calling you a 'player' - it's just that you always strike me as the opposite of the 'settling down' type and I was using your post to illustrate my point. I meant no offense but as you seem to have taken it that way, again, I apologise.
AverageJoe Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 I based my assumption on the many things you've written, including what you've said here about the perfect profile. I don't presume to know you at all - and I have no idea what a multi-player based cms notepad is! We all draw conclusions about each other based on our posts and you're not exactly a newbie so there's a reasonable number of posts to go on. I also meant no insult by calling you a 'player' - it's just that you always strike me as the opposite of the 'settling down' type and I was using your post to illustrate my point. I meant no offense but as you seem to have taken it that way, again, I apologise. No offense taken, at all. Actually, no one here has ever offended me either. It did give me a chuckle, though. Content Management System. That is basically what this website/forum is. Notepad. Something you may make notes on within windows. Only, there is more than one person writing on it. The perfect profile, I really doubt many people took me serious about that. However, there is an underlying truth to it. Not many men really give a damn about how much some girl may love her cat or dog. The margin of that is very slim. And again, really, we don't care. Curious, lets find out. Fella's quote this section of my post as a show of care. The care you have of how much someone may love their pet. It really triggers you to send that first contact. A pet. A pique of attraction. It makes you stand back and say, whoa. I must email that girl. As far as settling down. I am settled down. I just don't give the key to my home to a female or add her as an authorized user on my credit cards.
Imajerk17 Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 (edited) Well, I am a guy who does online dating and who is doing decently at it. I'm not sure I agree with the advice given so far. The only point of your profile is to entice the guys you could be into to write you. It's NOT to paint a clear picture of who you are. You can only find that out via face-to-face interaction really. Keep that point in mind. Yes, the pictures are a good 80% of what makes a guy write. But the text is important too. You want to write the text so that it is easy for a guy to write you a good email back. You've got to bait the reader so that if he is perceptive, he'll see some good questions for him to ask/comment to make. Example: "I moved to NYC for my career, and even though it isn't my major, I love it." Well what exactly is your career? A smart guy who wants to write you will ask you that question. Meanwhile, the way you set up your thread, you're getting a lot of unfocused advice that might or might not help you. Why don't you post the text in your profile? Edited February 28, 2011 by Imajerk17
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