Call Me Al Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 I have definitely had non-dramatic breakups before, but its been in situations where we both knew it was time to move on. My ex girlfriend just sort of drifted from me. She couldn't explain it herself, and she said she knew she still loved me. It was a situation where "its not you, its me" was basically true. A complete 180. I held on because I cared, but eventually she ended it. I knew it was coming though. Part of me stayed because I felt like she was in a rough spot and it would be wrong to bail, and I really care for her. Overall, I appreciate that she was honest about it. She did try to figure things out, but couldn't do it and she said it hurt her to know that I was putting up more than she could offer me. I can empathize. I hit a rough patch in my life about 6 years ago and the girl I was seeing then was in the same scenario but reversed. I just couldnt offer her what she needed, because emotionally I was out of sync with myself. Hard to love when you have trouble loving yourself. I ended it with her, and we remain friends. Now that its ended, I almost wish there was something there that I could point to as a reason that I would never reconsider her if she came back, but there isnt. Its almost like I try to create the idea of her doing something hurtful just to somehow make my own anger towards it ending justifiable. Part of me almost wishes she would so I could just say "I will never speak to her again" and wash myself of it all. I cant really understand why the idea of making it so 'final' in my mind seems like a necessity.
Kristie16 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 I feel you. With my ex boyfriend, who I just broke up with a few days ago, it really was that we were headed down different paths and sort of reached the point where we were good together. Nothing terrible happened (there were, of course, little things here and there), but I found myself changing to the point that I couldn't handle the lifestyle he was in. I was fine with it at first, but near the end I new it was unhealthy for me. But it would almost be easier if I could say something bad happened. A text yesterday helped because it made me angry. I know its messed up, but for some reason I can deal with anger better. If I'm angry, I wont reach out and contact him and can get over him. If I'm sad and worrying about how he's doing, I want to reach out. I think for some people anger is easier to deal with because you can point to that.
ALonerAgain Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 A text yesterday helped because it made me angry. I know its messed up, but for some reason I can deal with anger better. If I'm angry, I wont reach out and contact him and can get over him. If I'm sad and worrying about how he's doing, I want to reach out. I think for some people anger is easier to deal with because you can point to that. I agree. Because in society anger is seen as having strength and control and a certain amount of awareness of wrongdoing. Showing sadness or sorrow seems to be a sign of vulnerability and weakness, which is harder for most people to admit to. Ironically, anger is really just a mask for vulnerability.
Kristie16 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 I agree. Because in society anger is seen as having strength and control and a certain amount of awareness of wrongdoing. Showing sadness or sorrow seems to be a sign of vulnerability and weakness, which is harder for most people to admit to. Ironically, anger is really just a mask for vulnerability. For me, it's something about pride. If I'm angry enough and hurt enough, then I don't contact because I feel like my pride is at stake and I don't want to look desperate. If I'm sad and worrying and thinking about what he's doing, then I'm more apt to reach out, thinking maybe he is feeling the same way.
Author Call Me Al Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 I think for me the breakup felt very....half assed almost We talked a few days prior, she said she maybe wanted a break, then kind of waffled, said she wasnt sure what she wanted, that she knew she loved me...blah blah. A few days later, a very bland email stating that its done. It just felt like she lept because she didnt know how she felt about anything, and making some change as in ending us seemed like one to make. I dunno. I mostly just want it to be over completely so I can cope. I go back and forth between just wanting to somehow completely end the chance of her coming back so I can move forward...but I also care about her and dont want to burn a bridge or hurt her.
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