maleet Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Hi all. Been a while since I posted. * mind is going a mile a minute sorry for randomness* Something happened in Sept... boyfriend was drunk and he was acting a fool at a concert we were at (kept touching me all over and i tried to get him to wait til we got back to the hotel and he took it as rejection- even though i said not in public, wait til we get back, etc). He walked down the street and after the band played their set, when I went looking for him, he and a girl was holding each other (standing hug). She saw who i was (he was talking about me i guess) and she said to me- come get your man, he is drunk. He kinda fought me off and didnt want to go but i finally get him in the car. I remember he kept saying nothing happened- i was too drunk-- and i kept saying EXACTLY, you were too drunk to remember.. and I saw them two holding each other. it was pretty disturbing to see... and I didnt do anything to provoke this situation-- alcohol was the factor here. I drank too but only had 2 drinks when he was doing shot after shot. He kept telling me he never cheated on me... sorry but to ME holding hands or kissing/hugging IS cheating... if he was simply walking down the road and holding her hand i would have also gotten mad too-- its inappropriate. he didnt know her, we were all the way up in NYC. So finally he wrote me a note saying it was just a kiss because he felt so rejected. he wanted me to want him- it only pushed me away. ___________________________ As far as anger and issues go- a few times a week he will come home from work and just start crap with me (like come in slamming the door and walking past me as if i did something wrong... or he would just start accusing me of cheating- its outrageous). Last night totally blew me away-- he saw me type a bulletin for my youtube the night before (status like thing) and i was mistyping a lot due to being dark and my keyboard has hardly any letters on them... but he took all the typing as me writing someone. So he comes home and just starts with I WANT HIS NAME- YOU were messaging someone! Then he said he already KNEW who it was. impossible. i wasnt typing to anyone. he had a big box of vodka/cognac... i figured he drank some of one before he came in because he sounded so normal and nice on the phone to me on his drive. He started to call me names and was pacing around saying he hated women and i am a B and i need to F off... and that he was going to go after this imaginary man. he always accuses me of talking online to men-- i assume he means talking as in flirting... because i have a few male friends he likes. I never ever flirted with anyone online. I never traded pics. Even less than a week ago we planned to go out for the day and i got dressed up and did my hair and makeup (which is kinda hard when depressed and just not feeling up to it)... and when i got into the car he started on me again accusing me of switching screens all of the time when he comes into the room when i am on the computer. I have no damn idea what he talks about- he even told my dad this-- like i am a sneak. I always have multiple windows open- everything i click is in a new window- i like it that way. So i assume when i was done a window i shut it and he saw that thinking i was hiding something. Im a bit fanatic about cars so i am always on corvette sites or youtube watching videos of cars or learning how to fix/modify cars... not like hes coming to my pc and seeing wallpaper or pics of men on it- there is a BMW Hamann X6M on mine. I think it was less than a week ago he got mad at me for having tv on when he got home... i sat and continued to watch after giving him dinner and he just started on me saying-- I hate this show you always watch it... why cant you let me pick once in a while??? It was already on before he got in so what am i supposed to do- turn it off then? He could have said, can i change it instead of saying-- you always get your way... etc. I left the room after that and went into the bedroom to lay down... he followed me and pinned me down and started yelling in my ear. All i did was cry. i didnt fight back... im tired of this kind of crap. last time the cops made me leave because i scratched him when he was pushing me down and sitting on me and i had bruises on my hips, handmark on my butt, small cut on lip... bruised wrists but the cops tell ME to leave at 2AM for him STARTING with me... Even my parents were like- why did you get so mad and scratch him? I said he was on top of me accusing me of cheating and yelling in my ear calling me a Cunexttuesday and B and my neighbors finally after an hour PLUS called the cops after i kept screaming GET OFF ME and HELP ME. and I had to leave the damn apt. wtf is that He always brings up my ex which was a total disaster... i guess to make me feel bad. He even brings up an online friend i had before i even met him because he was jealous of this friend. I never met him- it was online and we talked music and both were trying to enlist in the army the same age (which was harder for us at 28-29 years old). Nothing sexual!!! NOT at all. Im getting so fed up with this emotional abuse- that is what i call it and he thinks im being unfair or too dramatic. I dont really leave the house cept to food shop and do other errands... i dont have friends here (im two states away from where i used to live)... i clean and try to take care of the place when he works. I dont mind cleaning/cooking/etc. ___________ I dont trust him anymore... so why can I not leave? One thing is my car is tiny (2 seater) and I want to take my dog with me but if I go, i will have to drive 2 states away. Was thinking of doing this when he goes to work since its the weekend coming up... but I cannot possibly bring it all back with me. I dont work right now so money is very tight. I figure I have to make this jump... but im not sure how to do it. Go back to my parents at age 30 and live in a little room i hate as i try to get my old job back making nothing an hour? Still got some bad credit... my dad and i cannot be around each other for long without fighting... I honestly do not know what to do. I am also very depressed and have panic attacks/anxiety. i find its harder for me to go outside like im scared of people. I feel like a shut in. its a shame i spend time online like I do but i dont actually go places with friends... i have been with him for 2 years now and i saw my one female friend 2 times... he even kept calling me then over and over when i was with her having sushi. ___________________ One last thing. With all the accusations of me "cheating"... i believe there is a reason for this. he has been going through divorce... and basically cheated on her with me- at the time the wife did not believe in divorce and they just lived like roomates. They didnt eat dinner together or go places together... he was always with me. I believe that since he did this to her and it all came out while we were doing depositions/discovery (we were not planning on lying anyways about it). He also had a 5 year online relationship before me and that was behind his wifes back too... so maybe he is PROJECTING all of this on me. He has a certain fantasy of watching me with another man (stems from an issue that happened during his sexual development age as a teen). I told him i cannot fantasize it. many times i would just start to cry during sex because he would start talking of this fantasy/scenario. I am 100% true to him and i cannot even think of myself with someone else. it isnt right. the fantasy became too real especially when he found someone online that wanted to be with US and started to talk to him... then he said it was just fantasy but he found some site where people were not far away. I will never do that... never. i have no interest in being with another man in front of him. Now that i just read that back... looks like i got what i deserved. he kissed another because i had kissed him when he wasnt "single" himself... even if his wife and him fell out of love and have nothing in common... i guess because its cheaper to keep her... it wasnt right what i did and i am so mad at myself too. Now they are in the middle of divorce and its so messy... I expect him to come home today and start with me but i have another game plan which is to ignore but he can push my buttons.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Too much dynamics that's aren't healthy here. His behaviour, his drinking, his anger, your low self-esteem, the emotional abuse... etc Do you get where I am going with this? If leaving the relationship will give you a better perspective, I suggest you do it. You can't stay for the sake of the status quo, it's like trying to jump start a car even when the engine's dead.
ver13 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 This sounds like you both need to take a break for a few from each other so that you can see where this relationship is really headed. He seems to have a few issues that he needs to work on personally and you can't help him do it.
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