Star_Bright Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 For now, younger women are my thing, for a variety of reasons I'm not going to get into. No offense, but it doesn't sound like you're their thing! I think that poster had a good point though... sure, a woman of any age could honestly be "not dating" right now. But if you are getting this response from college girls, it could be that they're just not interested in dating you, and/or more likely to use that line instead of just saying they're not interested. They might prefer other college guys. Food for thought I guess.
Star_Bright Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Thank you for your post Star Bright. I appreciate you taking the time to express yourself. I've read it over a couple of times, learning what I can. Well good, glad I can help. I feel like I'm in a unique situation but it does exist for sure. At least, it exists right here (me). But seriously though, my sister is the one who gave me this idea and it has really helped. She and I both picked bad partners and we started to realize maybe the issue was us. Basically, like, there could be something wrong with me that leads me to pick guys with issues, or guys unsuitable to me, or whatever... and to stay in those relationships too long. My sister took a year off from relationships. She did date and in fact made it a point to weed out guys. I guess this sounds mean to the guys but the point was for her to not settle for the first guy who came along and expressed interest (which we were both good at doing) but instead look a little more closely and see if the qualities are what she really wanted or not. If she saw any "red flag" she bumped them. She made it her goal to go on 100 first dates. Yeah, to use this method forever would cause someone to end up alone and overly picky and stuff. It was just a temporary period of time. She is finally in a semi-relationship (beginning of a relationship I guess) with a guy who makes her happy. I don't know him yet but I figure that if she has spent all this time getting to know what she lies and doesn't like and weeding out guys that don't fit those qualities, she must have picked him for a reason and he must be a good fit for her. I feel like if it ends up turning into a serious relationship he can feel confident that she is totally into him and not just "settling" out of fear of being alone, or because it's what everyone does, or something. So my sister was "not dating" (or, not dating to lead to a relationship) for a long time... I think it ended up being closer to two years... and she recommended it to me and other friends so I know that women do this, other than myself. I was so afraid to do something like this because I don't like to be alone, I gravitate towards relationships and I like having someone always there. But obviously that wasn't working out for me. So I am making a conscious effort to not get into a relationship. (There are other reasons like I mentioned... I'm in the process of "re-starting" my life in many ways and changing directions completely, which includes moving, so, it would be pointless to start a relationship here now). I have had some guys take it personally and this last one even said sarcastically, because he was hurt I guess, "Yeah, I know you want to be single and you have things going for you, and who am I, you know? Just some guy you happened to meet along the way." I know that his point was similar to East's -- that if I met the "perfect" guy, I would change my mind and date/get into a relationship with him, so he was taking it personally that he wasn't that guy. But I disagree with that concept. My goal is to fashion my life my way, without having to think about anyone else but me, and to be in my own perfect place as a single woman before I meet the "perfect" guy. If I were to get into a relationship, I couldn't do that... I naturally think of the other person and take their interests/concerns into consideration, not to mention the fact that they probably wouldn't be down to just move away to a new place with me, so I would be "tied down" to my current city, just like I was due to my former relationship(s)... I would be letting myself down if I got into a relationship right now because I made a specific goal not to. So I don't think the guys should take it personally at all, it's not about them. And in any event, whether the girl isn't into you or just doesn't want to date right now, she's doing you a favor by letting you know. In the past I would just try it because I didn't want to hurt the guy's feelings... and that never ends up well. And if she's honestly not dating it's probably for a good reason and you wouldn't want to get involved with her under the wrong reasons anyway. Good luck.
Star_Bright Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Wow, I just posted a lot. I didn't mean to t/j or take over your thread, sorry. This is just a very interesting concept to me that you raised.
Author somedude81 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 (edited) No offense, but it doesn't sound like you're their thing! I know you said no offense, but that is a very important issue to me. Right now I rather not go down that path. I think that poster had a good point though... sure, a woman of any age could honestly be "not dating" right now. But if you are getting this response from college girls, it could be that they're just not interested in dating you, and/or more likely to use that line instead of just saying they're not interested. They might prefer other college guys. Food for thought I guess.I have women "friends" so I know something about who's dating and who's not. I have not asked all of them out. You mentioned goals, and the girls that I am talking about are in college and doing quite well. So I think one of their goals is to finish school, and they may think that dating will some how hinder their academic success. There really is no way to know other than to ask them directly. And that is a little awkward to do so. For the record. I've only asked out three girls this year and last. One was actively dating guys but didn't want anything serious. I got three dates with her, but the third was some sort of pity date or something. The other two girls were simply not dating at all. One I pursued hardcore for a year and managed to get very close to her and had many "non-dates" but in the end nothing worked out. The other one didn't even want to meet up for coffee. As far as I know both are still single. Edited February 25, 2011 by somedude81
Ms. Joolie Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 (edited) If a girl was in a place in her life where she was open to dating, she would have a boyfriend or be actively going on dates with guys. Without doubt. why would a girl that age not want to date at all? Does she think she's too busy to do so? Or is she waiting for a man who is "good enough" for her, to show interest in her? It is highly likely that women decide not to date for a list of reasons. "I don't want to date right now because... " Enter their personal list of reasons. In short, they aren't available to you. We just make it complicated, but don't take it personal. I wonder if this actually means that "I don't want to date anybody now" may actually mean that, instead of always meaning, "I don't want to date you." It means they have their reasons which really shouldn't be of interest to you. You want to get them out on a date. Make your offer sound simple, make it sound fun, make it sound easy and they just might say yes. They may say they are not available to DATING (boring) but I bet they will be available for fun, hot sex and romance! Oh what is our world coming to? lol It's the way you spin it that'll have you win it with the unavailable girls! Edited February 25, 2011 by Ms. Joolie
Author somedude81 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 Enter their personal list of reasons. In short, they aren't available to you. We just make it complicated, but don't take it personal. That's one thing I'm working with right now. Learning how not to take it personally. It means they have their reasons which really shouldn't be of interest to you. You want to get them out on a date. Make your offer sound simple, make it sound fun, make it sound easy and they just might say yes. They may say they are not available to DATING (boring) but I bet they will be available for fun, hot sex and romance! Oh what is our world coming to? lol It's the way you spin it that'll have you win it with the unavailable girls!The only reason I didn't mention sex in my post because some women readers are fairly prudish and think that men only want sex. So I used dating which should be fairly all encompassing. I also think it's easier to get sex from girls if I were dating them. If I'm wrong, I'd love to hear it. I wish I knew how to excite girls
East7 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Star Bright, just because your situation is special, that doesn't mean that you can expand/generalize it to ALL the women who say "I'm not interested in dating"...Ok you are heartbroken by your xMM, you want string-less/casual/FWB stuff... I get that, but don't think all the women have the same mindset. I mean...come on..I have had enough dating experience to tell...A woman who says "I don't want to date right now" is a nice way to say I'm not interested! Then you see her go and f'ck with a guy she barely knows and a week later or so, she is sooo in love with the guy... It's not about taking it personal..If she is not interested, I say screw her! I'm not hurt. I love people who love me ! The one who really means it (not dating), is one in a thousand and is probably called Star Bright
Ms. Joolie Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 I also think it's easier to get sex from girls if I were dating them. If I'm wrong, I'd love to hear it. The girls who are going to give you some lovin' are the girls who are going to give you some lovin'. They are available, fun, spontaneous, etc. The unavailable girls take life more seriously and, yes, they want to have sex inside of a relationship. I'm not saying either of these girls are right or wrong, it's just how they live their life. I wish I knew how to excite girls That's exciting and sweet! May you be rewarded in your inquiry!
GivenUp0083 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 I don't tell people in real life about my issues. What issues are you talking about anyways? You said girls don't go out with guys because of other issues. Well here's an issue: a guy in his 30's creeping on college girls. I'd say that's an issue, and it's one that will continue to work against you, no matter how many ways you and IRC want to spin the blame back onto women instead of accepting the fact that you are the problem and you need to change in order to see different results.
Author somedude81 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 You said girls don't go out with guys because of other issues. Well here's an issue: a guy in his 30's creeping on college girls. I'd say that's an issue, and it's one that will continue to work against you, no matter how many ways you and IRC want to spin the blame back onto women instead of accepting the fact that you are the problem and you need to change in order to see different results. That's all you have? I'm only 29. I look and act at least five years younger. Very few people know how old I am. The vast majority guess wrong, I don't correct them I wouldn't call anything I do "creeping."
Ay Diesel T Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Way I look at it is like this: If she's not with me she's ****ing somebody else. That way, you save yourself the confusion. And you also care less about her cause it paints her in a whorish light. It's a win win situation.
lovelydemon Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 I just have to say that I feel the very same way Star Bright does. I don't WANT to be in a relationship. Just the other weekend I met a great guy while out with the girls ( I only go out to dance and don't care for meeting anybody. I started talking to him cause my friend found him interesting and I thought two of them might connect). Anyways, he's very good looking, tall, sporty, smart, the whole package, no red flags yet. But just the thought of starting another relationship is giving me anxiety attacks; it's so much work and I'm very busy and truly am enjoying my single non-commital, don't-owe-anybody-anything life. I just wish i could learn to say no from the start like Star Bright does.
seibert253 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 I have a friend who is a knock down gorgious women. Mid 20's, a real knock out. 10 out of 10. She's not dating. Why, guys, at least ones who aren't creeps, are intimidated by her. They all assume since she's stunning, she's already taken, or she's way out of their league. She's very frustrated by all of this. Shame because she's intelligent, witty, and a down to earth lady. There's many reasons why a woman may not be dating, but believe it or not, there are some that don't because they're "too pretty".
Author somedude81 Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 I have a friend who is a knock down gorgious women. Mid 20's, a real knock out. 10 out of 10. She's not dating. Why, guys, at least ones who aren't creeps, are intimidated by her. They all assume since she's stunning, she's already taken, or she's way out of their league. She's very frustrated by all of this. Shame because she's intelligent, witty, and a down to earth lady. There's many reasons why a woman may not be dating, but believe it or not, there are some that don't because they're "too pretty". I question how flirty she is with guys. From how you described her, I too would be intimidated to ask her out and assume that she was in a relationship. But I would have a conversation with her if the situation allowed. If she seemed to enjoy talking to me and displayed some flirtatious behavior I would take the chance and ask her out. If she seems cold or aloof, not a chance.
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