somedude81 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 (edited) After being rejected by a few girls who are single a thought started to develop. The college age women who are single, are only single because they simply don't want to date. If a girl was in a place in her life where she was open to dating, she would have a boyfriend or be actively going on dates with guys. Then my next questions are, why would a girl that age not want to date at all? Does she think she's too busy to do so? Or is she waiting for a man who is "good enough" for her, to show interest in her? I wonder if this actually means that "I don't want to date anybody now" may actually mean that, instead of always meaning, "I don't want to date you." Edited February 25, 2011 by somedude81
GivenUp0083 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 No, I'd definitely say if there's a single college girl in her 20's and she's telling you "I don't want to be with anyone right now" it really does mean "I don't want to be with you" Sorry bro, maybe college girls isn't you thing. They probably think you're creepy and can see right through your lacking social skills...
Mrlonelyone Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 There are two answers to this. In one sense it does always mean "I don't want to date you." Simply because if a woman truly doesn't want to date anybody...your somebody and she does not want to date you...or the next guy... The same woman may a week latter or a month latter or a year latter date someone else. Does that mean she was saying she just did not want to date you? Maybe maybe not. Ok if they are dating someone the next week it is that they just didn't want to date you. Either way the result is they aren't dating you. Which doesn't mean something's wrong with you. They just weren't into you at that time.
Content Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Possibly that or they just werent attracted to you
Author somedude81 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 I've known several girls for a year or more who were single and not dating at all. So the issue would be more about them then about me, right? I highly doubt I was the only guy who asked them out.
Content Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 I've known several girls for a year or more who were single and not dating at all. So the issue would be more about them then about me, right? I highly doubt I was the only guy who asked them out. women are picky
Mrlonelyone Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 You knew them for a year and knew they weren't dating anyone. Ok in that case it's not you it really is them. People go through periods where they aren't in the frame of mind to date. Sometimes these are really long periods.
Knittress Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Yes and no. Usually when someone says they 'don't want to date,' it's a polite brush off. If they were really, really into you they wouldn't be able to help themselves. But also keep in mind that 25% of the population are introverts. Introverts don't generally socialize for fun - they do it because they're interested in the activity or to spend time with people they've already established ties with. I'm not saying introverts are total recluses, but being that they don't ENJOY getting to know a lot of strangers, the bar is much higher than it would for the average extrovert. They might think you're a fine person, maybe even smoking hot, but if they don't get that 'soulmate' vibe they probably won't bother. Introverts suck at dating, obviously. But I also think that when they find someone, they're capable of a much deeper connection.
East7 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 A girl that says "I'm too busy or not interested in dating" is telling bull***. If Braddy Pit was there asking her out she would drop everything in the next second ! She is not interested on you, period. Move to the next.
Author somedude81 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 Yes and no. Usually when someone says they 'don't want to date,' it's a polite brush off. If they were really, really into you they wouldn't be able to help themselves. That's what I naturally believe. But also keep in mind that 25% of the population are introverts. Introverts don't generally socialize for fun - they do it because they're interested in the activity or to spend time with people they've already established ties with. I'm not saying introverts are total recluses, but being that they don't ENJOY getting to know a lot of strangers, the bar is much higher than it would for the average extrovert. They might think you're a fine person, maybe even smoking hot, but if they don't get that 'soulmate' vibe they probably won't bother. Introverts suck at dating, obviously. But I also think that when they find someone, they're capable of a much deeper connection. I can kind of see what you are talking about. I'm an introvert. The only people that I try to actively talk to are girls. I only talk to girls I'd want to date. I wouldn't bother trying to maintain a conversation with somebody if I didn't have any desire to date them. But I assume you are talking about women. If an introverted woman doesn't get the soulmate vibe from a guy, does that means she's going to reject all dates because it's too much work to get to know him. I'm a little confused. being that they don't ENJOY getting to know a lot of strangers, the bar is much higher than it would for the average extrovert. The bar for what?
Knittress Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 But I assume you are talking about women. If an introverted woman doesn't get the soulmate vibe from a guy, does that means she's going to reject all dates because it's too much work to get to know him. I'm a little confused. Yeah. Pretty much. The bar for what? The standard of her minimum qualifications for flirting or agreeing to a date.
GivenUp0083 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 I've known several girls for a year or more who were single and not dating at all. So the issue would be more about them then about me, right? I highly doubt I was the only guy who asked them out. First off, not everyone feels like they HAVE to be in a relationship. And just because they turned down other guys who had issues, doesn't mean you don't have an issue too. Maybe these girls don't like dating guys with issues so that's why they won't go out with you.
Author somedude81 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 Yeah. Pretty much. The standard of her minimum qualifications for flirting or agreeing to a date. That's pretty interesting. I wonder how many women think the same way. First off, not everyone feels like they HAVE to be in a relationship. That's why I made this thread. And just because they turned down other guys who had issues, doesn't mean you don't have an issue too. Maybe these girls don't like dating guys with issues so that's why they won't go out with you. I don't tell people in real life about my issues. What issues are you talking about anyways?
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 First and foremost, I don't want to state the obvious, but there are many cultures in which women are actively discouraged from dating. I knew a girl who got very offended when I tried to give her a hug (despite the fact that I had known her for a while) and she revealed to me that it would be embarrassing to her parents if anyone saw her hugging a guy. I know other girls who will hug guys and even flirt with them but would never date, because of cultural expectations. I don't know if this is the case with you, but just keep this in mind.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Come on, dude, it's not because they don't want to date. Maybe they're lesbian? Maybe they just came out of a bad relationship, and don't want to date anybody right now? Maybe they're not over their ex? Maybe they have their eye on someone, and want to date him and not you. Maybe you have awkward body language, and she picked up on it? Maybe you're not her type? Maybe she's asexual? It could be a number of reasons. It's not all about you...or if it is about you, it doesn't necessarily mean you did anything wrong. The most honest and refreshing rejection I ever got was when I was 16. I asked this girl I had been crushing on out, and she said, "I'm sorry, but I already like someone, and want to get together with him. Sorry." I knew the dude vaguely, and thought he was a decent guy, so I wished her well and left it at that. A month later, they were dating exclusively. Sometimes Mrs. Right is not Mrs. Right for you.
Cee Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 I would add that there might hidden unavailability among women. A single woman could possibly be in a fwb situation or chasing after somebody else. But that's not something that ever gets advertised. I think that makes a single woman unavailable because she's placed her energy elsewhere. And likely in the wrong place.
Author somedude81 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 (edited) First and foremost, I don't want to state the obvious, but there are many cultures in which women are actively discouraged from dating. I knew a girl who got very offended when I tried to give her a hug (despite the fact that I had known her for a while) and she revealed to me that it would be embarrassing to her parents if anyone saw her hugging a guy. I know other girls who will hug guys and even flirt with them but would never date, because of cultural expectations. I don't know if this is the case with you, but just keep this in mind. That is an idea. One of the girls that is an inspiration for this thread is Muslim. She was born here and her family is from Jordan. I don't know a lot about her culture, but one thing I do know is that she is restricted on what she can wear. She's light skinned and she actually dresses like any normal girl but she is not allowed to show any skin below her collar bones and above her knees. I don't think I've ever seen her wear shorts or a short sleeve shirt. I don't know if she's allowed to date or not. Come on, dude, it's not because they don't want to date. Maybe they're lesbian? Maybe they just came out of a bad relationship, and don't want to date anybody right now? Maybe they're not over their ex? Maybe they have their eye on someone, and want to date him and not you. Maybe you have awkward body language, and she picked up on it? Maybe you're not her type? Maybe she's asexual? It could be a number of reasons. It's not all about you...or if it is about you, it doesn't necessarily mean you did anything wrong. The most honest and refreshing rejection I ever got was when I was 16. I asked this girl I had been crushing on out, and she said, "I'm sorry, but I already like someone, and want to get together with him. Sorry." I knew the dude vaguely, and thought he was a decent guy, so I wished her well and left it at that. A month later, they were dating exclusively. Sometimes Mrs. Right is not Mrs. Right for you. Wow aren't you assuming a lot. I've known several girls for a year or more who were single and not dating at all. So the issue would be more about them then about me, right? I highly doubt I was the only guy who asked them out. Meaning, the entire time I knew them, which was a year or more, they were not dating anybody. As for your list. One got offended if I asked if she was gay. I know the others aren't. Nothing else even applies. Edited February 25, 2011 by somedude81
Mrlonelyone Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 A somedude. Muslims from the middle east generally don't date. They do the arranged marriage thing. Dating behavior is really not part of their socialization. In fact unmarried men and women aren't even supposed to comingle in their culture. There is also the fact that some immigrant parents, muslim or not, want their children to stay with their culture or race. Odds are you are not their culture or race. They also take that old "honor they father and thy mother" real seriously. Even if they are fast and loose with other things...their parents, aunts, uncles, cousin's, brothers, sisters, neighbors,...opinions of who they should date are more important than their own feelings. This is somewhat true of western women. It goes triple for muslim women since all those people...are who take a part in chosing your mate in the arranged marriage system. Places where marriages are arranged look at coupling as being fundamentally the business of the community not the couple. It just goes to show that there is nothing fundamental about the way we date here in the US.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 That is an idea. One of the girls that is an inspiration for this thread is Muslim. She was born here and her family is from Jordan. I don't know a lot about her culture, but one thing I do know is that she is restricted on what she can wear. She's light skinned and she actually dresses like any normal girl but she is not allowed to show any skin below her collar bones and above her knees. I don't think I've ever seen her wear shorts or a short sleeve shirt. I don't know if she's allowed to date or not. Yeah. The girl I'm talking about did wear low cut shirts and short sleeve shirts but always wore long pants. I also did meet another Muslim girl who did wear shorts, skirts etc., and was very liberal and did date, but only dated Muslim men. She simply felt that it would make things easier, not with her parents (who didn't care) but in terms of marriage and eventually children. I respected her opinion as interfaith/intercultural relationships and marriages aren't for everyone. I'm not saying you should never try to date a Muslim girl (or a girl from any different culture) because I do know Muslim girls who have dated non-Muslim men, but just to keep it in mind if a Muslim girl ever does reject you.
Star_Bright Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 A girl that says "I'm too busy or not interested in dating" is telling bull***. If Braddy Pit was there asking her out she would drop everything in the next second ! She is not interested on you, period. Move to the next. I don't agree. She could be taking time off of dating, to be alone and concentrate on herself. It could very well be a valid excuse (or a brush-off. I admit it would be hard to know for sure. But it could be valid). I think a more often-used brush-off is "I'm seeing/interested in someone else."
Nexus One Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 What about trying to go for women in the age range 30 to 35? I don't know if older women are your thing, but perhaps you'll have success in that age range. Hey if 20 year olds aren't biting, then perhaps you need to widen your scope.
Author somedude81 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 Thanks for the info on Muslim girls. I haven't asked her out. She's probably not allowed to have sex before marriage and other restrictions that would just make things difficult. BTW she was only one of the girls who was an inspiration for this thread. What about trying to go for women in the age range 30 to 35? I don't know if older women are your thing, but perhaps you'll have success in that age range. Hey if 20 year olds aren't biting, then perhaps you need to widen your scope. Women in that age range are a whole different ballgame. Honestly I have no experience with them, or even know where to even meet them. For now, younger women are my thing, for a variety of reasons I'm not going to get into.
Star_Bright Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 First off, not everyone feels like they HAVE to be in a relationship. This is exactly what I was saying, I agree. I am one of those people who doesn't feel like I have to be in a relationship, and for now, I don't want to be in one. I feel like I need to not be in one, if that makes sense. So recently my approach has been, if a guy asks me out and I'm game, I tell him straight up that I will go on a date with him casually but I am not currently "dating" in that I am not interested in a relationship right now. I want him to know that up front so he doesn't get the wrong idea. It may come across as presumptious but I don't care, I have gotten in trouble in the past by not making my intentions clear right away. In my case the guy shouldn't take it personally (unless I turn down the date -- that just means, sorry, absolutely no interest), because it's not personal at all, it's about me and my goals at the moment. I don't care if it's Brad Pitt (here I'm drawing on East's comment), I would accept the date but tell him the same thing, and Brad Pitt would not derail me from my current goals. I am in the process of changing my career, the location I live in, everything, and I am also in the process of learning to be okay being alone/not in a relationship, and figuring myself and my goals out without a guy being in the picture. That is why I don't want to be/ can't be in a relationship, and even if it was Brad Pitt, I wouldn't change my mind. I've been debating going to a no-dating at all approach because my current approach has given me some headaches. I've been thinking of just not dating, period, until I'm ready for a relationship, or at least to see if that works out for me better than what has been going on for me. So, if I decide to take that approach, I'll use it uniformly. I'll say "I'm not dating right now" and mean it, no matter who the guy is, even Brad Pitt. This is about me, not the guys, and I have to be a stickler about that because I've realized it's important to do, for myself, right now. I'm just saying all this so the OP knows that yes, sometimes girls are really not dating. Or not dating to get into a relationship. In my case it's true and the guy should not take it personally. Now if he asks me on a date and I'm not interested, I just say, "not interested." I have learned to be an up front honest person about these things or else intentions get misconstrued or I lead the guy on or go out with him just so he doesn't feel bad, which is dumb. So for me right now it's "I'm game to hang out but I am not dating in terms of looking for a relationship" or "I'm not interested", and it might become "I'm not dating right now", or "I'm not interested." Eventually it'll become "Sure" (as in, I'm open to dating/being in a relationship) or "I'm not interested." To me "I'm not interested" always remains a separate category from whatever else I tell the guy.
Star_Bright Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Come on, dude, it's not because they don't want to date. Maybe they just came out of a bad relationship, and don't want to date anybody right now? Isn't this the same thing as not wanting to date? Obviously I think the "for now" is implicit. And this is along the lines of what I'm doing and why (except, many bad/less than ideal relationships... .a broken guy-picker I guess... I'm fixing it! Ha ha).
Author somedude81 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 Thank you for your post Star Bright. I appreciate you taking the time to express yourself. I've read it over a couple of times, learning what I can.
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