shocked_confused Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Hey guys, So I've been single for almost 4 months now, after a 5.5 year relationship (I was dumped). I was feeling good for a while, but i'm still not completely over my ex and I feel like I'll NEVER get over him until I find my next love. I've gone on a couple of dates, but so far I haven't really been interested in anyone. I'm doing all the right things for myself such as going to the gym everyday, going out with friends, shopping, etc., and I feel a lot better than I did when we first broke up. However, I'm scared I'm going to be one of those people that don't get over their ex until YEARS after the break-up. I still have those days (like today), where I'm still feeling down/melancholic. I hate it! When do these feelings stop? How long did it take you guys to feel comfortable and truly happy being single? Do I really have to find a new love to get over the last one?
bayouboi Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Everyone's different. I'm goin' on 1.5 years since the last girl and I still think about her every day. Haven't been on a date since because I feel pretty unworthy these days. Going to the gym is a great idea, though, it's the only time I feel good about myself. Hope you get there before I do!
GivenUp0083 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 There's never going to be a day where you say to yourself "finally, I did it, I'm 100% happy and comfortable as a single person". There will be times you miss your ex and wish you had someone by your side, and there will be days where you are glad you have the freedom as a single woman and can pursue a certain interest or dream. The trick is to try and create more days that follow the latter than the former. You just need to focus on your own interests, your own desires, things you want to do with your life and just go ahead and do it now that you don't have someone else to worry about. Now is the time for YOU. If you go do things to improve your happines then you will get more out of daily life and it'll be easier to attract another special someone. If you're not happy yourself, then what makes you think you can make someone else happy? Your happiness should not rely on someone else being there to make you happy. You need to accomplish that on your own. Here's what I did as a single person to improve my lifestyle: I like sports, so I joined teams. I tried out and got accepted on to a mens' league team in the city. It has been great, met some of my best friends and I get to play ball every weekend in the summer. That makes me happy. I joined some random flag football teams, I go play pickup basketball and volleyball at the beach. As for dating, I had issues (everyone does) and I resolved them. I took time to reflect on my experiences, and I also met with a therapist a few times. It helped me gain a better perspective and to think about what I want from my life, as well as another person. Then I got to the point where dating would just be something I would do when I felt like it. You can't expect every date to be wonderful and end up as a relationship. No one bats a thousand, and if they do then they have no standards for themsevles and have the wrong goal. I held out for a year and a half until I found a wonderful girl and I couldn't be happier...this was after 4 years of being single.
Knittress Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Hey guys, So I've been single for almost 4 months now, after a 5.5 year relationship (I was dumped). I was feeling good for a while, but i'm still not completely over my ex and I feel like I'll NEVER get over him until I find my next love. I've gone on a couple of dates, but so far I haven't really been interested in anyone. I'm doing all the right things for myself such as going to the gym everyday, going out with friends, shopping, etc., and I feel a lot better than I did when we first broke up. However, I'm scared I'm going to be one of those people that don't get over their ex until YEARS after the break-up. I still have those days (like today), where I'm still feeling down/melancholic. I hate it! When do these feelings stop? How long did it take you guys to feel comfortable and truly happy being single? Do I really have to find a new love to get over the last one? Well... I know it seems like a double-insult to not only be dumped but then be so emotionally damaged by the situation that you donate another few years of your life to the a-hole who ditched you, but... what are you gonna do? You can't just flip a switch on your feelings, and five and a half years is a lot of time. It's like for a big chunk of your life you weren't YOU but some hybrid-person, who has now been literally ripped in two and is bleeding to death on the floor. I know that sounds gruesome, but that's literally how ~I~ felt at the time, even though I ignored it by calling bull****. I was totally cooler than that *******, and it's not like I was happy anyway - I was not gonna feel BAD. Screw that! ... but this doesn't actually work. You're just ignoring your feelings, not changing them. You can't just 'decide' to feel ok. Alright - SOME people can, but I don't think they're capable of much depth of feeling to begin with. What can you do? Dunno. Maybe counseling might help you work through stuff faster. But four months is nothing. NOTHING.
alexlakeman Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 When do these feelings stop? Hmm, I am at 11 months since my breakup with my ex g/f and the feelings have decreased tremendously, but not gone forever .. How long did it take you guys to feel comfortable and truly happy being single? Hmm, that's a personal thing, you get more used to it as the days go by.. but when you hang out with your friends that are in relationships, it kinda s)cks.. Do I really have to find a new love to get over the last one? I tried getting a new g/f as a replacement within a month of my breakup, 2-3 months later she saw right through me and didn't want to be #2... so I chilled in serious relationships and have just "dated" or serial dating since then; haven't really found the one.,.. I do bench mark them all to my ex (That wasn't my first ex, btw, lol), but it will happen sooner or later.. Good luck
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