Craig2425 Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Hi willow. Hope you're feeling better. Any word on the results? I have said this before and I'll say it again. debtman has the best idea about meeting people. Look into new hobbies,one that you've always wanted to do. You'll meet people who are into the same things as you and get to know them. You might meet someone you date or you might not But for sure you'll make new friends who might know somebody. You never know whats gonna happen or when/where you'll meet that person. Keep us posted
Author willowthewisp Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 Results won't be for a while yet. Sorry I have not responded, I'm not a happy camper at the moment.
2.50 a gallon Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Willow In the past you have stated that your Ex screwed you over financially. (Left you homeless and you lost many of your personal possessions, such as you Christmas decorations) I know you can't go back and redo the separation. But, had you known then (what you have learned in the past 2 years) what you know now, could the results have been different?
Author willowthewisp Posted June 26, 2011 Author Posted June 26, 2011 Willow In the past you have stated that your Ex screwed you over financially. (Left you homeless and you lost many of your personal possessions, such as you Christmas decorations) I know you can't go back and redo the separation. But, had you known then (what you have learned in the past 2 years) what you know now, could the results have been different? Gallon, Had I have known then what I know now I would never have had a relationship at all with my ex. He is quite simply ruined my life. That may sound dramatic to some but it is the truth. I am 35 years old, no job, no home and trying to start out in a career where many will not hire me due to my age. I am also not able to find anyone to have a relationship and family with, again, due to my age. My ex strung me along, deliberately, yes, delibertely, he always knew he was not going to marry me, he always knew he had a committment problem, even though he has not admitted that to himself, he knew full well that every time setting a date to marry came up, over 8 years, he did not want to marry me. He stole my life from me by lying to me, by leading me to beleive that nothing was wrong. Should I have been smarter and looked at his actions rather than his words, yes, absolutely, but it doe not change the fact that he deliberately used me for nearly two decades. Like I said, if I knew then what I know now, I would never have even spoken to him, let alone been with him. I regret every second of my time with him, I have no fond memories, nothing, it was all a complete and utter waste. I learnt a lesson, one that I did not need to learn. Nothing good has come from what he did to me, nothing. I am just now trying to come to terms with the strong possibility that I will not be having children, I will not be having a marriage and I will most likely not be having another relationship. THAT is what he has done to me, the position his selfishness has left me in. If he didn't want me then he should have let me go years ago and let me have the chance to rebuild a life, not a mere existance.
tobydog1 Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Hi Willow, Sorry to hear you are not doing so well at the moment. But let me give you some hope.....35 is NOT old! I met my ex at 35 and had my son at 46. It took us some time as we had problems but who is to say that you won't meet someone soon and have children soon? I am sure you will and believe me, it is when you least expect it! You are in the right profession to meet someone as well. I know you are bitter about how your life has panned out so far but there is a plan I am sure, for us all. Maybe mine was to eventually have my son so I didn't drink myself to death? You will be fine....be positive and try to look on it as a learning experience. I am sorry if this sounds flippant, not meant to, but I am trying to help and give you hope. Take care Dx
Author willowthewisp Posted June 26, 2011 Author Posted June 26, 2011 Thanks for the reply Toby. I just wanted to say that although my post may come across that way, I am not bitter. I am justifiably angry at how someone has deliberately treated me. Being bitter has negative contotations, it is a word I do not care for, one that is banded about by those who want to self justify leaving their marriages "oh well, shes just bitter, I did nothing wrong, her problem".
Steen719 Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Hi Willow, I know your experience with your ex was so awful and I agree that he was awful to you. I really am sorry about that for you. I wanted to tell you this and you can take it however you want. I was married young at 23 and had no children with that marriage. We were really very different, but I did love him, but it did not last past 6 years and was pretty difficult to end, but better for us. I was either dating or alone for the next few years and met my current H when I was 37, married at 38 and had my son at 39. My son is, to this day, the absolutely best thing that I have ever had in my life. I do not regret my marriage to my STBXH as I would have never had my son in my life and I cannot imagine that. I really am not sure if I chose wrong with the 2nd husband or if I could have or should have known what type of person he has turned out to be, but even with all that I have been through and it has been a lot, I am not unhappy. You can still find someone. You are young and have many years ahead of you to find someone to be happy with.
trippi1432 Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Thanks for the reply Toby. I just wanted to say that although my post may come across that way, I am not bitter. I am justifiably angry at how someone has deliberately treated me. Being bitter has negative contotations, it is a word I do not care for, one that is banded about by those who want to self justify leaving their marriages "oh well, shes just bitter, I did nothing wrong, her problem". You have every right to be angry, heck, even I and other's have a right to be angry at deliberate treatment by people we thought cared about us. Even worse than people who self-justify are the ones that make themselves a victim even when they were the one who was wrong. It's almost akin to guilt-tripping and gas-lighting....a form of emotional manipulation as my IC informed me. Once spoken, a lie is just that..a lie...promises broken.
Author willowthewisp Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 (edited) For those of you who had asked, I got my exam results today, I passed! It's been a tough two years, with the heartache as well, I have reached indifference to my ex and I have achieved my goals so far, onwards and upwards, we all just have to keep going. Edited July 1, 2011 by willowthewisp
debtman Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 CONGRATULATIONS!!! Now you can really start looking ahead, planning for your future and making life what YOU want it to be. Feeling VERY hopeful for you! Life is an incredible adventure, go out there and live it. You WILL find the right person for you, just focus on yourself right now and what YOU need... Good luck and keep posting...
2.50 a gallon Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 My friend Willow Huzzah! I never had a doubt? One step closer Gallon
YSS Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Fantastic news....let this be the new trend for you of happy and good things to come your way.
tojaz Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 For those of you who had asked, I got my exam results today, I passed! It's been a tough two years, with the heartache as well, I have reached indifference to my ex and I have achieved my goals so far, onwards and upwards, we all just have to keep going. :bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny: Knew you would Willow, Congratulations! First step to a new and better life. Never had a doubt in my mind. TOJAZ
Steadfast Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 That is the news we've all been waiting to hear. I know how hard you worked and the conditions you often worked under. How amazing! How inspiring!! So proud of you willow-
tobydog1 Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Great news Willow! Congratulations! A new start awaits you. I wish you all the luck in the world! Dx
Author willowthewisp Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 Why? Why does he get to treat me like s*** and find the first person he meets and marry her and I get to meet one loser after another? One man after the other who all want to use and abuse me in some way. Why? Do I have a neon sign on my forehead that says "Users welcome, just split with your wife, hey come on in get your ego stroked" or "Have loads of mental health problems? hey come on in" or "Rebounders welcome" FFS! I've had it, truely I have had it, I'm done.
debtman Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 I've had it, truely I have had it, I'm done. Maybe that's the best thing for you to do willow. DON'T look for a relationship. You've got LOTS going on in your life right now. Lots of changes, lots of opportunities, etc. Go out and live life! Get happy with who you are, where you are, your entire situation. You're in a bad place right now and you need to get out. Once you find yourself truly happy with your situation and happy with where YOU are, then it may be time to start looking around for someone to share that with. It's only been 9 months for me since I got hit with the finality of D, having my kids wrenched away from me and everything being turned upside-down but, last night, I was doing stuff around the house and I realized that I'm very happy with the way things have worked out. Not what I would have chosen, but, like the old saying goes, life is what happens while you're making other plans. You've got to make the most of it, PUT yourself in a place that you can be happy and focus on YOU. I've had several "dating" or relationship opportunities with a variety of different women, but I've avoided doing anything that would put me in any sort of relationship situation. I want to be as sure as I can next time I put myself in that situation, so I want to make sure that I get to be GOOD friends first with anyone I get involved with so I really know who they are before I consciously choose to open myself up to them. Obviously, I don't know the entire situation, and maybe you are doing just that, but it's what seems to be working for me, so I just wanted to share. You seem like a genuine, honest and intelligent person and you've had some great input on this site and helped out more people than you know, so we just all want to see you happy with where you are in life... Just my 2 cents. Good luck and keep posting...
Author willowthewisp Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 I'm not looking. I stopped looking about 2/3 months ago, yet still got s*** on, used for an ego stroke recently. I'm sick of people taking advantage of me.
Author willowthewisp Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 I don't get men. He's texting again now, why do you guys do that? I can't go there he's on rebound but why the silence then the texts, it makes no sense to me, hate games.
trippi1432 Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Sweetie...because he is on a rebound and testing the waters....so don't be the boat.
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