tojaz Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 No one huh, I guess I am invisable here too. Not invisible at all Willow, just took a break from LS yesterday. expect a PM soon as I can finish my morning coffee. :) TOJAZ
Steen719 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 No one huh, I guess I am invisable here too. Years ago, I went for a while and did not meet anyone I wanted to date or who wanted to date me. My first marriage had ended in divorce, I had made some choices in men that were not really that great after that (short term) and I sort of just thought...well, this is it. I was 30. (HA, if I knew then!) I understand where you are coming from. Now this will sound like a cliche or trite, but I promise you, really, this is how I felt. I decided to just do things I really wanted to do and if I did that, I might meet a guy who liked at least one thing that I did. I played softball, went out with friends, took a quilting class (?..it was fun), played racquetball 3x a week, bowled on 2 leagues and stayed busy. I did meet someone, and although it did not last forever, I have no bad feelings towards him and we parted ways (my decision), but here is the thing. He was an awesome racquetball player..put me under in a heartbeat, watched me play softball, liked to bowl and liked my friends. I ended up finding someone who liked a lot of the same things. I think it was actually about the fact that I had decided to just enjoy my life and possibilities came my way when I was not searching for them. I know that sounds impossibly simple, but I was sick of not having anyone and more sick of worrying about it, so I really had to decide not to miserable anymore and move forward. I hope that you can do the same and someone out there will be so happy that they met you. They will see the good qualities that you have described here. Best to you and lots of Hugs, Willow.
worlybear Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 How are the exams going Willow? Hope they weren't too scary!
tobydog1 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Hi Willow and Worly my bear! My mother always said....it will happen when it happens.... And now at the old age od 159 I know this is true. We will meet someone who loves us! And it will be when we are NOT expecting it! Christ I am so low and lonely and fed up I have to hold onto that! I jsut want a lovely man to love me and my boy...... It wiill work out for you Willow, believe me, I promise.....it will You will pass your exams and get a great job in the Law world.....lots of lovely men there! You are fab..believe it! I love you and so do many others on this forum! Debs xxx
Steadfast Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Can anyone, please tell me where I can find a date? I don't have to tell you that you're cared about...cherished even, by this community. You know. Speaking personally, I hate to see you down. That being said, your question is one that's doomed for failure. The reason nobody answered is because no one can; with any degree of authority anyway. Honestly, I could ask if anyone knows where I left my glasses and expect a higher degree of success. I can give you some pretty good advice on where you shouldn't try to find one...bars and the internet stuff is iffy. Truth is willow, as I type this your future man might be working on someone's car, sitting in a quiet place reading, playing with his dog in the park or hammering shingles back on his mums house. Like you, he's probably dated some but hasn't met a woman he can truly connect with. This I do know with certainty; he is out there. Living life and hoping that someday his life will include someone who loves him, and be someone he can love. In the best of circumstances these things just happen...like when a can slips out of your hand and hits the floor, your phone drops in the toilet or when you stub your toe at night. It's unexpected. It's...magic. Hindsight always offers the best view willow. We can't see ahead. Work on today and let tomorrow come. We can't control it. We shouldn't want to.
debtman Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 willow, Instead of looking for someone, I would suggest looking for some thing. Something that makes you happy. Something you can do that gets you out, involved in the world and around a different group of people. Since getting the ilybinilwy speech, I've tried salsa, tango and swing dancing, gotten back into kayaking, climbing and skydiving and am going to try stand-up paddleboarding this week. I've met several people through those activities that share similar interests and are interested in pursuing relationships, but I'm not looking for a relationship yet. I'm just looking to find more good friends. Who knows what will happen once I'm ready, but I do know that I will make better decisions this time around and, hopefully, will end up with someone who I share something with, other than the need for a relationship. As it is now, I'm VERY happy being alone and am enjoying NOT having to constantly try to figure out how someone else is feeling, what they're thinking, how to please them, etc. Time is the only answer willow and, if you try to force something to happen, it won't end up being what you're looking for. Patience is a very tricky thing, but it will happen willow... Good luck and keep posting...
Author willowthewisp Posted June 13, 2011 Author Posted June 13, 2011 Thank you to every one who has taken the time to reply to reply to me, as soon I get these exams out of the way I will reply properly! How are the exams going Willow? Hope they weren't too scary! One to go Worly, tomorrow morning and then I am free FOREVER! (As long as I pass ), the first one was b***** awful, today's not so bad, hopefully tomorrow will be a good one, I hope! Willow, do you ever come down to London? Sometimes Russell, I come up to see my best friend and her family maybe once or twice a year. Why do you ask?
russell1968 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Sometimes Russell, I come up to see my best friend and her family maybe once or twice a year. Why do you ask? Because i want to take you out?
Steen719 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Sometimes Russell, I come up to see my best friend and her family maybe once or twice a year. Why do you ask? Because i want to take you out? :):)
trippi1432 Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Because i want to take you out? :):) Willow - Good luck on the exam tomorrow, catch up later.
Author willowthewisp Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 Because i want to take you out? Thanks Russell that is kind of you to ask, if I come up soon i'll let you know. Well exams are over at last, just have to await the results now, not for a few weeks yet.
jaymz Posted June 14, 2011 Posted June 14, 2011 Best of luck with the exams willow, i know you will do great.
Author willowthewisp Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 Hatred. Pure hatred. Not connected to feelings of love, but hatred for what he has done to me. What a complete an utter b******. Men my age do not want women my age, no, they want a women 8-10 years their junior. I could live another 50 - 60 years, it's going to be a lonely f***** life if I don't ever marry. An old maid. Excellent, thank you so much ex, thank you so f****** much for ruining my life, I wish I had never met you, never expended my love on you, you are a worthless piece of dirt and I hope your new b****, who you were probably cheating on me with whilst you walked me round wedding venues, gives you genital warts. As for me? I give up.
trippi1432 Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Hatred. Pure hatred. Not connected to feelings of love, but hatred for what he has done to me. What a complete an utter b******. Men my age do not want women my age, no, they want a women 8-10 years their junior. I could live another 50 - 60 years, it's going to be a lonely f***** life if I don't ever marry. An old maid. Excellent, thank you so much ex, thank you so f****** much for ruining my life, I wish I had never met you, never expended my love on you, you are a worthless piece of dirt and I hope your new b****, who you were probably cheating on me with whilst you walked me round wedding venues, gives you genital warts. As for me? I give up. Hugs Willow - I know exactly how you feel and he was a complete jerk to do that to you. Even hate as an emotion is too much emotional energy to expend on your ex. I hate my exH, but it's a dull kick in the teeth kind of hate. I do like your post that I bolded above though...ditto for my exH too!! From what I am finding out from my ex SIL's family that he no longer speaks to, this woman mine took up with will most likely be the one that kicks him to the curb given her track record. She cheated on her first husband, cheated on her second husband (with my husband)....time will tell what that will bring to him. It's not you Willow, no matter what you do, how much you give, how much you love....people are still going to just do what they want to do. In that, they have no concern or connection to how that sets a chain of events off that affects not just themselves, but an entire family. We never know when the right person for us is going to come along, heck I wonder sometimes if I missed the right person during those 15 years I wasted on my exH. But I guess if I did and they were the right person, they would be back right? There is someone out there for each of us, that I do believe...we just don't know when it will happen...but it will.
hopesndreams Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 The best thing to do willow is 100% forgiveness. It is sooooo freeing!!!! Peace will wash over you. You will be so giddy with happiness and it makes whether or not a man comes into your life of little importance. Live for today, for today is all we have, it's all any of us have.
jaymz Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 Caveat: Probably not the best person to comment, especially in the current mess I am in but here goes: Forgiveness: I don't currently feel I could ever forgive my stbxw for what she has done and how she has treated me, the kids, our dreams etc so I completely understand this. That said, I do think that if I can get to that point, then I would forgive her to make me better. But I don't think I will ever forget. Hatred: I am well aware of the power of hatred and how it clouds my judgement. Tripp is very right on this, you cannot let the hatred well up inside you, you need to let it go or it will consume you. You are working on your future now, you have finished your exams and I know you will do well. You have spoken of the field you want to go into and that shows you still have compassion and a sense of doing for others. Your idiot ex has not burnt out the best in you. Believe in yourself. You will do better. You will do great. We all love you and wish you the very best willow.
Author willowthewisp Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 I'm done with other people, there are just too many horrible, nasty, vindictive people on this planet. This weekend has been one of the worst of my life. Bullies. Playground bullying in a chat room that is advertised on here as a coping room. I despiar of humanity, our society has become a sex fuelled degenerative hell and I refuse to lower my self to that level of depravity. I don't want a relationship, I don't want anyone to be honest, not now I see what the world is really like, see I had always assumed that people were like me, that people were kind and thoughtful and never deliberately intend anyone harm, aside from a few very evil people. Now I see the world with clarity, the majority, not the minority are self serving, evil human beings who will use and abuse and tread on anyone in their path as long as they get what they want. I would rather be a hermit. From now on, I look after me, no one else, just me. Willow is done, no more giving, no more caring, no more help for anyone ever again.
robf1971 Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 . Bullies. Playground bullying in a chat room that is advertised on here as a coping room. Report the f*ck*rs, get em' removed from the room. Aside from that, big hug
Steadfast Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 ...I see what the world is really like, see I had always assumed that people were like me, that people were kind and thoughtful and never deliberately intend anyone harm, aside from a few very evil people. Now I see the world with clarity, the majority, not the minority are self serving, evil human beings who will use and abuse and tread on anyone in their path as long as they get what they want. I would rather be a hermit. From now on, I look after me, no one else, just me. Willow is done, no more giving, no more caring, no more help for anyone ever again. And thus, you turn into what you claim to hate. That's how the cycle works. Willow, I understand and support your need to vent, but (remember!) our words can and do influence others. Still, I believe most here understand. I watched actor/director Tom Hanks' interview on CBS Sunday Morning. I love Hanks; he comes across as genuine and is incredibly talented, yet is sincerely humble. When the interviewer remarked that 'everyone loved him' he responded by saying that not everyone did. "80% of people you meet are honest and trustworthy. The other 20% I have no use for". I certainly hope your conclusions are not based upon what you're reading online. The majority of the revenue generated on the internet comes from gambling and pornography; not the best place to make a determination on society... I repeat: you're better off for knowing what you don't want. A person's true character is revealed through their deeds and actions. Not their words.
fltc Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Men my age do not want women my age, no, they want a women 8-10 years their junior. I don't want a woman 8-10 years my junior, I want a woman 50 years my junior........ Actually, my SO is slightly older than I am and, so far, I'm very happy with her but we've only been together 37 years so who knows what will happen in the long run? Anyway, you'll find someone. Time for another hug, I hate to see you depressed....
just_some_guy Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 I'm sorry willow. I hope things get better for you.
debtman Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Steadfast makes a good point here willow. I met my stbx online, just goes to show what kind of people you will find on the Internet... But seriously, going out and getting involved in different activities has ALWAYS led me to meet the most amazing, down to earth, REAL and true friends ever. When I started on this whole divorce roller coaster I was stunned at the lengths my friends went to for me. There are good people out there willow. I know many people I would lay down my life for and I know they would do the same for me. People who know the value of friendship and importance of having good people around you. They are out there, you just have to wander through the sharks and snakes to find them... Good luck and keep posting...
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