Renard99 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Hello all. So, 4 weeks almost to the day from the break up and she finally moved out yesterday and I'm not really coping. Part of me is relieved that the awkward 'limbo' of living together but not actually being together has ended and I can now move on. I was having real trouble with it because she's the one that left me, I wanted the relationship to continue but she no longer loved me. I saw her around the house, doing all the things she has done over the years and I just wanted to hug her and hold her close. But at the same time she was happy to treat me as a good friend and those two approaches didn't mix well. So, in some ways it's a weight off my back and I feel better for it. I can start the healing and move on. On the other hand, I'm even more devastated than I was as it now feels real. Whilst we she was still around it felt like there was a chance. We were still close physically, even if we weren't mentally anymore. Because she's been treating me like a friend she was still talking to me and telling me all about her day etc etc but now, with no contact (I do fully intend to go NC once loose ends are tied up, until then it'll have to be LC), I'm left thinking 'I wonder what she's doing' or 'who's she with'. I know these are bad thoughts, and i've already deleted her (and her friends) from facebook and my phone so I have no way to check, but I still think these things whether I want to or not. Also, coming home to an empty house (her rich father gave her the money to furnish most of the house so about 75% of the furniture has gone) is very depressing. I would give the place up, but, the landlord hasn't bothered raising the rent over the years, so, compared with the rest of the area, I have an absolute bargain at a time when money is tight! I'm being torn in two by the positive relief and the negtive devastation. Any one been through this 'moving out' point of the break up and have any advice? Thanks
timchambo Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 I only had to deal with it for a few weeks, then I moved out also. This may not apply in your case if nearly all the furniture is gone, but re-arrange your rooms. I did this with my living room. Moved the couch, tv and everything all around. Less memories that way. Go buy yourself things you didn't buy with her. Like groceries she maybe didn't like, stock up on stuff that will be new memories. Maybe hang a new painting/picture on a wall. It really does suck to be the one to deal with the fallout when they leave.
Author Renard99 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 Thanks for the reply I'd move the furniture around if I had any, lol! I have done it to some extent because we had a 42 inch tv but now I've had to blag a 14 inch one so I've had to move the sofa closer just to see it! lol. I have felt a little happier buying my own PC (using the money I was secretly saving to buy her a ring!) and being able to set it up the way I want! (I know it's weird to buy a PC when I have no furniture but I work in I.T so I need the computer to earn the money to buy the furniture!)
Graceful Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Thanks for the reply I'd move the furniture around if I had any, lol! I have done it to some extent because we had a 42 inch tv but now I've had to blag a 14 inch one so I've had to move the sofa closer just to see it! lol. I have felt a little happier buying my own PC (using the money I was secretly saving to buy her a ring!) and being able to set it up the way I want! (I know it's weird to buy a PC when I have no furniture but I work in I.T so I need the computer to earn the money to buy the furniture!) I don't think it's odd at all to buy a new computer rather than a new piece of furniture! Computers are essential, furniture is optional. I also had a similar thing happen to me, and the feelings were similar insofar as the "shock" mixed with the "relief" factor of finally being able to move on once my ex moved out of the space. I honestly think having a sparsely furnished apartment is a real advantage, as strange as that may sound. Being a minimalist is a real art and the less you can do without, the more you show yourself how little "stuff" means. But I like the idea of getting something for the wall, a print, and maybe something for the floor, some inexpensive rug to tie the room together. I think you should wait a while to figure out what you really want before you run around spending money on furniture just to fill the room. You can only sit in one chair anyhow, so as long as you have a comfortable chair, you're all set. Start to put a "stamp" on your space, no matter how you do it. Love the idea of doing what *you* want to do, decorate the way *you* want to decorate, and eat what *you* want to eat. You might find that these little indulgences bring you closer to figuring out your identity right now, getting re-acquainted with yourself and of course, learning to like yourself. I'm glad things seemed to end amicably for you and your ex, that's a lot better than when there is anger and animosity. That peaceful ending will bring you more peace in the long run. Take care and keep LC as best you can during the transition.
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