Was I Played ?

[BrokenFool]

Smudge - I get what you saying Bro, man it hurts so much

despite being the worst person i have ever gone out with and treated me the worst i still love her i dont know why and the problems we have between us are so small , childish and petty - easily fixable

i changed my mobile number, deleted my facebook but she has my email add WHY does she not contact me on there directly

I have started using logic to work out her games

 

Facebook - when we broke up she blocked me and made her profile private so you couldnt search for it, her new pic she could have just added to a photo album on her profile so all her friends could see it, by making it the main profile pic i get the feeling that was for somebody NOT on her friends list ie ME to be able to see and in the past i have responded to that pic by contacting her saying who have you changed your profile pic for ? have you met somebody else ? she knows that

2-3 days later and she changes her profile pic on the dating site to a pic of her with curly hair - when we first break up when she was logged on to the dating site i would text her saying its killing me that you on there or if she changed her profile pic i would contact her saying nice new pic please dont be on that site we can fix our problems

so she would have known i would see her new profile pic

i still didnt contact her and then boom she deletes her profile

part of me thinks she has done that to get a reaction out of me and wants me to contact her then fear kicks in and i think what if she has met somebody else or is this for me cos she only gave me 2 days to react to her new pic

god knows

when my friend said to her recently i hope neither of you regrets this decision cos you make a awesome couple and its obvious you both love one another - she didnt reply back saying she didnt love me , when he said hope neither of you regrets it she said so do i - what does this mean ?

feel like im dying without her

NC 40 odd days and not spoken for 2 months - cant believe i have got this far

[fetish]

it's hard, i know bro. I'm having a hard time coping with my break up and thinking about her possibly getting with someone else, but i have to train myself to block that out of my head or I will definitely go crazy! That's what you should do too.

[depplover_1980]

Your problems are NOT SMALL and easily fixable. You are working with a MENTALIST and the sooner you stop wallowing in self pity and get sharp the better. There are women in the UK out there like me, who will give you a fantastic time and not behave like a spoilt member of the royal family, or royle in her case.

[smudge21]

I have asked myself that same question - why am I so in love with this girl when she's treated me so badly. I think a lot of that comes from wanting what we can't have. A challenge if you will. We feel we're the ones who can fix their problems and change them.

 

As for your ex changing pictures on FB and the like, I can also add these little things my ex does. Now bare in mind I have to keep in contact with my ex due to work, so we're 'friends', and therefore we all occasionally meet up. Now take a month ago, this girl had gone blond hair - she loved it and everyone else did... except me. I had a laugh about it and said she'd look better with dark hair, maybe a hint of red. Later that night, she posts on her FB and sends me texts/pictures, she's dyed it dark with hints of red. Said she did it for me. Nothing really changes from that point as I'm still on a kind of NC (albeit with contact due to work) and she goes quiet again. It's just those occasionally little things, like even texting me saying hi if I haven't been in touch. I usually reply with something similar and that will be it. I personally wish I could just totally delete her from my life but for now I can't.

 

Your ex is pretty much doing the same thing and will continue to do so, even probably when you find love with someone more deserving, but at that point you'll have fully moved on and be in a better place. It is hard and I know exactly how you feel - I hate that I still love my ex, I wish I didn't, but I do know that a time will come when she means nothing to me and all this heartache will be in the past.

[BrokenFool]

Smudge - I feel ya bro , to me life is as complicated or as simple as YOU decide to make it, I dont play games so when im being played i dont realise

believe me when i say my ex is not better looking than any other ex ive had or a nicer person but she was the one who knew how to touch the inside of my heart even with a sentence or a gesture, unfortunately she was also the one who knew exactly what to say or do to put her hand inside me and control me, it hurts it really really does, i am so tempted to pick the phone up and text her asking have you met somebody from that site, is that why you have deleted your profile of there but

if she says yes that will hurt me

if she says maybe or acts indifferent that will hurt me

if she says no me calling and asking her that will show her i have been checking up on her being on that site, showing it troubles me and she will get a massive ego boost and ill be back to day one NC so that will hurt me

so i have no choice to play the game - assume she has met someone else and do the big thing and hope he makes her happy, and just cos i was a mug who never dumped her and took her **** for 3 years doesnt mean the next guy will, the grass always isnt greener

and

if she HASNT met somebody of that site and taking her profile off was to either get a reaction out of me or she is having second thoughts about her decision to dump me then after a couple of weeks of me not responding to her latest move she is going to have to do something else isnt she

 

for me i just want someone who loves you and will stand by you, and vice versa and make some moves in life to be happy

 

smudge - if your ex ever wanted a second chance would you consider it ?

depplover - shame you dont live closer maam

[depplover_1980]

Broken you can email me at [email protected], I tried to pm you on here with a few questions but your settings don't allow it.

[BrokenFool]

Depp

I will email you , didnt really know about the settings on here

been looking for the PM button for ages now doh

[scott123]

Hey Broken,

 

I am following your thread and just wanted to say that you are not alone man, I am going through a breakup with a girl who is extremely similar to yours. The whole selfishness and self centeredness of your ex that you describe is the exact way I would describe mine. If she ever did anything wrong or didn't agree with me on something she would either go haywire or just leave me out in the cold for a week or so and be bitter and hostile instead of talking about it.

 

I don't know why some people are like this.. you said you were always the one who had to try to fix things and I was exactly the same way. And you said the times you had the balls to back off a little bit she'd send you weird messages or pictures or whatever. Same as my ex. Exactly the same. It always left me thinking WTF is she doing? It's like they don't know how to deal with anything.

 

I didn't get dumped over and over but anytime there was ever an issue she would hibernate, go party with her friends and stop talking to me for a while. Other than that I could of sworn it was me who wrote these posts that you wrote, they are that similar. I was always blamed for everything, everything was always my fault. She used to say I was amazing and all that too yet she still wanted our relationship to be over, I think she thinks the grass is greener too. HOwever since the breakup all she has done is put me down.

 

Good luck man the only problem I'm having now is that when I try NC she keeps texting me nonstop over and over and sometimes I give in. Just wanted you to know that there is someone else going through the same thing right now.

[smudge21]

Would I take her back, yes, without a second thought, but I would like to think I'm in a place now where I'd be more in control and therefore taking her back would be on my terms, with her going out of her way for me.

 

That being said, I do feel bad knowing that I would take her back, but I'm lying to myself and everyone if I said anything else. She's mixed up, has issues, often only thinks about herself, is a terrible flirt but for all her faults I also remember how great she is, and how well we are together, just like you do with your ex. So yes, the door is always open to her but I'm on NC (best I can with work) and leaving any contact up to her. I refuse point blank to make any moves or give her any suggestions that I want her. I'm using NC for my own healing and also to get her back - if it works, fine, if not, I'll have healed and moved on. It will be her loss.

 

You should consider the same. Plenty of other ladies around Manchester from my trips down there. Stay NC and if she is doing things to get your attention (like my ex does) then she'll either eventually start getting more obvious and you'll have your answers, without having to contact her.

 

I read on here that NC is like wind to a flame - sometimes it can blow the flame out, but other times it can turn it into a large fire. I guess it all depends on what's real and what isn't.

[BrokenFool]

Scott - Your words touched my heart bro , too feel somebody else is going through the same thing hurts cos this isnt right

let me give you an example so you can compare

ex breaks up with me ( cant remember over what thats how often the dumpings were )

registers on a matrimonial site

i text her once saying happy easter, she texts back same to you

a few mins later another text

i wanna ask you something and please please be honest with me and bear in mind what god says about being truthful

me: ok

her: have you met somebody else

at this point we hadnt spoke for 2 weeks and im thinking to myself what do you think my love is an ipod that you can just GIVE to someone else, we havent been speaking the last 2 weeks because YOU chose to dump me, YOU chose to not speak to me ignore my calls and texts and now your asking me if ive moved on /? WTF

anyway i reply with a no i havent met anybody else because i havent been looking, im sure when i do look i wont be short of offers

we text a bit and she agrees to a 6 week trial between us , she takes her profile offline on the dating site and the trial starts

everything is fine, we are talking everyday, discussing wedding plans, we meet up have sex, she sends me pics of her in a bikini, i comment on how gorgeous she looks, she calls me her hubby in a facebook message, everything is nice

we are in the 6th week, i am on the phone to her whist in the bathroom and shes talking away, i come out the bathroom and she says did you wash your hands i didnt hear the tap running or the toilet flush

i got ANNOYED, didnt swear, didnt curse, raise my voice anything i just said im not a little kid you know i do know to wash my hands hate it when you put me down like this like im some sort of chav

thats it , drops my call and proceeds to give me 5 days silent treatment

doesnt ring or text me before a job interview and when i text her she says OH was i supposed to contact you didnt remember sorry - heartless

in the 5 days silent treatment i look at that dating site ( fearing that now she is giving me the silent treatment she might be back on the site, i notice she has changed her username, this scares me a little bit because if she had no intention of going back on that site why would she change her username and obviously she has logged on to do that)

so 5 days later we get talking and in the hope of being honest and transparent with her i bring it up saying i noticed you have changed your username on that dating site and it has troubled me

BOOM

dumped , accused of checking up on her ( even though you dont have to be a member on that site to search for a profile and i was the one who was honest and transparent and mentioned i had seen it)

 

and that my friends was the last dumping

i begged and tried every 2 weeks to get her to speak to me and nothing

 

if someone cares for you more than anybody else ever would, has stood by you like nobody else would, is 90% perfect for you, makes a nice couple with you, your mum would love him ( all things she said to me)

why the hell would you walk away ???

unlike you though Scott i dont work with her, she lives 300 miles away and i changed my mobile number and deleted my facebook profile so she couldnt do her mindgames

 

like once i had been dumped i started getting private number calls late at night, never had them before , but when i asked her she said it wasnt her

 

stay away, yes it hurts so so much loving someone, knowing your right for them and could make it work and yet they choose to stab that dagger in your heart and twist it

i said to her what goes around comes around

yeah she may have met somebody on that site, lucky him cos he has to live up to my standards now and take a dumping every 6 weeks , dont think many guys will take that to be honest

[scott123]

Wow man. Even that sounds eerily similar to to my ex. I'm starting to think they may be twins.

 

Something very similar happen to me but a little different. She made a dating account just before we broke up, during a time where she was "too busy" to hang out with me and I tried repeatedly to see her and had no success. I told her I knew she had opened an account, asked her why she did that, and she went ballistic calling me a psycho and gave me silent treatment but it was much longer than 5 days - probably 2 weeks or so. She deleted the profile after this.

 

Then we hung out again, things were great, she still avoid any talk of the dating site (stupid on my part I know to let her be able to avoid it) but she criticize small things about me too like the toilet roll is on the stand in the bathroom instead of in the place its "supposed" to be so I got annoyed too. Anytime she comes to my place she criticize something small. Check the fridge and freezer to make sure I'm eating what she wants me to eat, etc.

 

I begged and tried too for her to stop acting crazy but it didn't work so I backed off now I'm accused of not caring enough or trying whcih is a little different than your situation. We are broke up and she wants me to fight for her beg for her plead for her and then say its not good enough anyway she always said I was great then all of a sudden other times contradcits herself and says she deserves better than me and a million guys would want to be in my shoes with her and all this crap so I don't see the point in fighting for someone like that. I, like you, gave her everything she ever needed never gave her any reason to ever doubt me was the most loyal boyfriend she ever had. Her last boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend and I know I was better to her than guys were in her past.

 

One thing is for sure man she is playing mind games with you just like my ex is playing with me. Make you feel like crap and the worst guy in the world after they dump you and then all of a sudden say all these nice things about you and say you are every girls dream. They shouldn't say that unless they can live up to it and be with you. They wouldn't do that crap to us if they appreciated us and what we did for them.

 

I am still in the anger/upset stage and my ex is a social butterfly who got options and I know she thinks the grass is greener. I agree with you good luck to that guy because unless they are some kind of king or some kind of superhuman or something they will never be able to make her happy. No one will because every small thing has to be too damn perfect.

 

Its good that you could change your number and get rid of your profile and all that. The only way I can avoid her is if I bar myself in my house because she is at the bar every night or always out somewhere with people. Hope you will forget about her soon man cause I know exactly how you feel and it's the worst break up I ever had to go through.

Edited March 3, 2011 by scott123

[BrokenFool]

Smudge & Scott

Love isnt easy to forget, just because somebody broke your heart it doesnt mean you did anything wrong or deserved it, some people cant see what they have until they truly lose it

although understandable in your cases guys i think the little bit of contact you are allowing your ex to have is enough for them to get their daily fix of you and know you are ok - hell if that was me and a booty call was in the offering i would take up that offer , make sure that booty call was like a scene from a porn movie then disappear again , but on the other hand it will only serve to make your feelings stronger and put you through the pain again

let me tell you a story to give you guys hope

i went out with a girl at uni for 4 years, she was a absolute nightmare to go out with , much worse than my ex and much much worse than any of your exes

this is the summary of our relationship

 

me

did her final year thesis for her despite being on a different course

did all her final year assignemnts for her

gave her half my student loan and grant for shopping

bought her roses

used to get up at 5am to go pick her up and drop her off at work because she was scared of the dark and when it was bank holiday and there were no buses or trains i would drop her off then park up and sleep in my car until she finished then drop her of home again

 

her

split my head open with my rear view mirror whilst i was driving because a girl from my class sent me a nice text

scratched my eye out

had sex with me then accused me of rape

put me down regular

said she prayed to god she wasnt with me

 

9 years later spoke to her after she sent me a message on facebook, NC

said she would do anything for a chance with me including sex/money

said she had never met anybody or gone out with anybody who could hold a flame to me

had regretted everyday for the last 9 years how she treated me

and i didnt even ask her this , she came out with this herself

 

nice guys may not win in the short run but you will in the long run

[scott123]

WOW!

 

Now that is what you call worlds worst girlfriend. But it is interesting that in the end she did apologize even though it will never make up for what happened but it still must have made you feel good to hear it I'm sure. Especially when it seems like no one appreciates you and that's how I feel now too. I feel like crap and the more effort I put in the less I get out of it. But I would rather be true to myself and be a good person than try to change and get revenge on the world and go be some bad guy that isn't really who I am.

 

Thanks for the story it does give me hope man.

[BrokenFool]

exactly a proper nutcase after 9 years still single and on the same matrimonial site as my recent ex telling me she had regretted how she had treated me and valued everything i ever did for her and i was the best that not only she had ever had but her friends aswell

this is what gave me big hope in my current situation

i know im not the one with the problems, dont get me wrong i was in the wrong i made mistakes i invaded her privacy but let me ask you this if after one year together your other half was asking you to get married to them and in that year you have had calls dropped on you at nights, disappearing, been dumped about 30 times so far, shes never made the effort to rectify one breakup wouldnt you think something was suss and want answers before you commit your life to someone ? was i that in the wrong for doing so ?

or like the song goes was she not sorry just sorry she got caught

[scott123]

Still sounds just like my ex man. I know she has the problems but I know I made mistakes too but no where near what she has done to me and our relationship. My ex was the same way I'm a bit younger than you but I live on my own and she was always telling me how she was excited to live with me someday soon and all this which is lies to me because as you said she never did one try to rectify an argument yet alone a breakup so how would we have ever lived together anyway? I would be given silent treatment all the time in my own home or called to the dirt.

 

I love that line man "she's not sorry she just sorry she got caught." and I think that applies to both of us man. The only time my ex ever cried was when I called her out on something really major that I caught her doing which was 3-4 times.

 

Good for you man atleast you are realizing you can do better. I am trying to realize that in my own situation but hard when she talks down to me since we broke up calling me stuff everyday while all I ever do is say "okay" I don't bash her back I got no time to badmouth her I know what she did to me but I don't need to call her to the dirt she should realize what she did herself.

 

Good to read your posts man about your situation because like someone said in this thread or my thread it helps the healing process I think when you hear someone going through something so similar.