Was I Played ?

[BrokenFool]

Hi Guys, I just wanted your opinions, I wont rehash my story in short went out with my ex for nearly 3 years, dumped in them 3 years over 150 times about every six weeks, always over the phone, for saying something she didnt like, or having an opinion she didnt agree with, I would always be the one to make up ringing/texting/begging that the argument was petty and stupid and then she would come round and the cycle would repeat itself, however at the times when I would feel strong enough to not be the one to make up she would

 

Give me private number calls

send me a pic message of her wearing something she knew i liked

sent me a text asking me where would be a good place to get some food cos she was in my town ( knowing i would rush to her and get her some food)

send me messages on MSN then say sorry didnt mean to send that

send me facebook messages

poke me

 

basically anything to provoke a reaction out of me , now we officially broke up in December , last we spoke was Jan 4th and I have been NC for 5 weeks now, I dont know if she has tried to contact me because I have deleted my facebook profile, my msn, changed my mobile number etc

Now she is on a dating site and she knows from what I have told her in the past that her being on that site troubles me and i view her profile on there regular ( despite not being a member)

 

She spoke with a friend of mine a few days ago and came out with the comments

i THINK i made the right decision and when pressed NO I MADE THE right decision

He is a wonderful guy and will make a wonderful father and husband just not for me

shes admitted she still has feelings for me yet is still on that dating site ( worth nothing though she only logs on for like 10 mins a day to retrieve her messages and then logs off and has been on it for 3 months or so now)

she asked my friend is something going on with him that you though he would have contacted me

then logged onto msn to see if my account was active

changed her facebook profile pic to something she knows has caused a reaction out of me before ( i would think if you wanted to add a new pic to your facebook you would just add it to your album so all your friends could see it by making it her profile pic its aimed at non friends to see it ie me shes hoping i check up on her facebook from a different account, crack and contact her)

and now she has changed her profile pic on the dating site to a new pic of her

 

my question is to all you guys do you think she is doing this hoping to get a reaction out of me, 5 weeks NC is the longest I have ever gone without contacting her , she is really stubborn and selfish and wont send me a email or anything, is this her way of trying to make me break and contact her

 

I would be so grateful for your opinions, not eating not sleeping , this was a 3 year LDR and I gave this girl my everything

 

PS: once she had dumped me and we hadnt talked for 2 weeks, one day I received a private number call from her, didnt respond, a couple of days later she sent a text please call me and gave me 8 missed calls, i rang her and she was crying saying her aunty had passed away in florida and it had made her think about me and how much i helped her and loved and cared for her and was always there for her and she had made a mistake and been to hasty and we should get back together, i said lets talk about us later lets focus on praying for your aunty and supporting your dad because its his sister that has passed away, we talked for 5 days then she dumped me again

 

feel so hurt and worthless and ugly

[BrokenFool]

Please guys any response would help greatly

[smudge21]

Sounds a bit familiar this. She pushes you away, you go, then she drags you back. She clearly wants the attention and loves the idea of you being there whenever she needs you. Relationships should be 50/50, even split on both sides. Sadly this isn't one of those times.

 

I'm going through kinda' similar in that I'm becoming more and more distant with my ex which in turn makes her do obvious things to get my attention. Due to work, I have to still be a friend and occasionally respond, but my responses aren't like they used to be. Which in turn leads her to be more forward.

 

It's all a silly little game, and for her part, she may not realise she's doing it, or that it's messing you up so bad. Then again, she may know exactly what she's doing and judging by what you said about her, it sounds like she's fairly mixed up and confused.

 

Like me, stay NC for as long as you can. Don't play her games. If she keeps on just reply with "please stop getting in touch - you're the one that left me and I'm trying my best to move on and forget about you.". If anything, it may make her realise the hurt she's causing through her actions.

 

She basically wants her cake and eat it, don't be her waiter... in fact, don't even let her in the restaurant.

[depplover_1980]

Hi there,

 

It is time to get your friends over and have a party. Why?

 

Because at last you have this manipulative attention-seeking dramatic immature idiot out of your life. She has clearly lowered your self esteem over the years with her constant dumping and playing of emotions.

 

Have you been played? You sure have. She has played you like a violin, over and over again and everytime she said 'jump' you replied 'how high'.

 

Honestly I know you are feeling rubbish and I get it, but part of that is because you are exhausted from the emotion turmoil and being in limbo. You are used to hanging onto her every game and it is highly unsettling.

 

Two simple statements for you:

 

LIFE DOES NOT NEED TO BE THIS WAY! and

 

YOU DESERVE MUCH MUCH BETTER!

 

Please search deeply within yourself and find out why you've tolerated this for so long. Are you convinced you'll find no one else? Were you mistreated as a child? Bullied at school? Do you enjoy the attention?

Somewhere within you is a warped perception of what a relationship is about and you need to spend time as a single person building new morals, standards and strengths.

 

Grab that party and celebrate the beginning of a new future that WILL include a loving relationship with someone that appreciates you. Be more than a puppetmasters doll.

[smudge21]

Depplover is my new hero! Well said.

[BrokenFool]

Guys

Thank you so so much for your replies, I appreciate it so much

for your information I am a good looking guy, educated to masters level with a good job

prior to meeting her I had two 3 long term (3-4 year) relationships with 3 different girls , all them relationships so literally 12 years of relationships prior to her went without ONE argument EVER, not ONE dumping not ONE break up, at then end of the relationships the decision to break up was mutual with limited hurting involved and all three of those girls would love a chance with me now and have reached out to me in the past to talk to me so i KNOW the problem isnt with me

I honestly can say hand on my heart i dont know why i stayed

she isnt better looking than me, not a stunner although cute, everything had to be her way and i bent over backwards for her, to summarise what I went through let me give you ONE example

 

her birthday is a day after mine, so last year despite being dumped i rang and text and begged and pleaded to come and see her for her 3oth birthday, the year prior she had bought me a cap, tickets to a football match and a top so i wanted to do at least something for her 30th

so after much begging she said ok i will see you for 30 mins

she lives 300 miles away,

so i spent the week buying her gifts

i got her a cake shaped like a designer handbag, a designer handbag and purse, perfume, jewellery, a REAL rose with happy 30th birthday laser engraved onto it, special wrapping paper made with our pic on it, wrapped all her presents, on my birthday i drove up the 300 miles, spent 2 hours decorating the hotel room with baloons and banners

she came the nxt morning, saw her for 30 mins she opened some of her presents, blew out her candles with me , had sex with me then i walked her to the car and she was gone

2 days later she rings me and says i think ive been a bit hasty and we should try again

i said dont say that just because i did something nice for your birthday, whatever i did i did from my heart not with a ulterior motive because i wanted you back

no she says im not saying it for that reason i love you i want you back

we get back together

2 days later i said im knackered that 600 mile journey is catching up with me

i got dumped

she said i dont wanna be with someone who tries to make me feel guilty

ps: despite knowing for a week i was going to come and see her on her birthday i didnt even get a birthday card

 

thats the kinda stuff i put up with and i dont know why

i was trying to be the nice guy, because the excuses she used to break up all the time were so small i would try fix them

when we would get back together the sex would be strange, she would start crying midway, tell me nice things like i missed you so much etc etc and i fell for it time and time again

 

it still hurts and i still love her WHY

her new pic on the dating site is so nice and its made me miss her so much

is she still hoping from a reaction from me

 

 

recently she said

i know i wont ever find a guy who will love me and care for me as much as you do

you are 90% perfect for me

 

i cant get them words out of my head

any advice or similar stories would be greatly appreciated guys

[max2go]

Theres an old song "why do you build me up, buttercup

just to let me down and mess me around"

 

Its called manipulation and people who do that are controlling - question is, are you going to let yourself be controlled - only you can answer that one cos no one can tell you what to do...............and when you wake up and make the right decision YOU are then in control!!

[selfrespect118]

THIS GIRL IS ON PPOINT!!! Trust me!! listen to her i got ****ed up in a similar way trust me however strong you are girls will use you if they can make you their bitch.. say what you like dont always agree and if they have a problem **** it! respect them though im not saying dont, but remember give them as much as they give you.. relationships are about give and take, compromising, it never works when one side is doing more work..

[depplover_1980]

Hello again,

 

I appreciate the further information from you, but it has not changed my previous post to you, infact it reaffirms it.

 

You have yourself a bona fide fruitloop with this girl, she is real crazy - the kind comedians take the p i s s out of and men fear their fantastic woman turning into at some point. She is either genuinely psychologically damaged from her past and has put zero effort in to rectify herself; or she has some sort of personality disorder with no empathy and literally sees playing with someones feelings as a sport.

 

I suspect when faced with these options you would prefer it to be the first. Perhaps all along you want to change her, or save her? This woman has in some ways tuned into your primal dominance to chase her. But this chase should now end and be terminated on a full time basis by yourself, as frankly she has stripped you of your esteem.

 

Read Gators guide to having no contact and engross yourself in personal stuff, things that make you happy and keep you propped up as time does it's healing thing. I would not rule out therapy if you struggle as you need to look at why you allowed it to go on for so long, I personally see it as emotional abuse.

 

You know in time and one day when you've got your swagger back, you'll meet a really nice girl who reciprocates and you'll think f u c k the drama. I promise.

[Movingthrough]

Because at last you have this manipulative attention-seeking dramatic immature idiot out of your life. She has clearly lowered your self esteem over the years with her constant dumping and playing of emotions.

 

There it is.

 

My ex? Same way. And i played into it too for a couple months. Take the advice from the above poster, and from me (someone who did it) that you do not want to go through this crap - trust me.

 

Cut it off now and move on, you know hands down this may feel good now but seriously....you really think this is wife material? A long term loving thing? Hell no.

[BrokenFool]

Depplover & Moving Through - thanks so much for your insight and replies

this is going to sound so corny but when we got introduced i really really felt she was made for me , our birthdays were a day apart, we had the same birthmark next to our eyes, her uncle had been married to my cousin years ago so at one point we were even related, we had the same degrees, same job, she was cute we made a nice couple we even had the same surnames

i knew she was insecure at the start and had issues with her self esteem and i guess i was trying to be there for her , when you love someone you dont look at who is to blame for an argument you try and fix things

and yes looking back now she took me for a massive ride

she would say i wanted to walk away ages ago because you wouldnt commit ( she had asked me to marry her after a month and wanted to get engaged, i had said i cant get engaged to somebody who is dumping me every 6 weeks, lets have a period of 6-8 weeks with no dumpings and we will get engaged - that never happened for 3 years, she would say if we were engaged i wouldnt walk away from you i would make this work - so when i suggested ok then lets get engaged but if this treatment persists i wont proceed to marriage i will break the engagement off she didnt want to get engaged - i should have known then )

she would dump me before my masters exams, i would think fine not contact her, i would be driving up to her town because thats where my uni was and she would call/text saying do you still want me to come and see you. i would say yes and she would say on one condition, i want you to ace this exam - so if she really wanted to walk away because i wouldnt commit why did she do this ?

and then to go on the dating site within a couple of days of our last breakup ? how cruel is that

she betrayed my trust for 15 months , talking behind my back with her ex boyfriend, dumping me so much, disappearing at nights saying night nurse had knocked her out, getting urine infections all the time and because of this my trust in her was diminshed, she then dumped me for not being able to get over the past so fast and keep mentioning the past

and this led to her conclusion which she said to my friend recently

 

he is 90% perfect for me but its that 10% that he mistrusts me and checks up on me that i cant handle and that 10% overrides the 90%

 

IF she doesnt meet anybody decent from that dating site ( which i think will happen as she has been on it months and nothing ) and NC gets more than the current 5 weeks do you think i will get contact from her

dont get me wrong i dont want her back but validation that she did me wrong

[depplover_1980]

Depplover & Moving Through - thanks so much for your insight and replies

this is going to sound so corny but when we got introduced i really really felt she was made for me , our birthdays were a day apart, we had the same birthmark next to our eyes, her uncle had been married to my cousin years ago so at one point we were even related, we had the same degrees, same job, she was cute we made a nice couple we even had the same surnames

i knew she was insecure at the start and had issues with her self esteem and i guess i was trying to be there for her , when you love someone you dont look at who is to blame for an argument you try and fix things

and yes looking back now she took me for a massive ride

she would say i wanted to walk away ages ago because you wouldnt commit ( she had asked me to marry her after a month and wanted to get engaged, i had said i cant get engaged to somebody who is dumping me every 6 weeks, lets have a period of 6-8 weeks with no dumpings and we will get engaged - that never happened for 3 years, she would say if we were engaged i wouldnt walk away from you i would make this work - so when i suggested ok then lets get engaged but if this treatment persists i wont proceed to marriage i will break the engagement off she didnt want to get engaged - i should have known then )

she would dump me before my masters exams, i would think fine not contact her, i would be driving up to her town because thats where my uni was and she would call/text saying do you still want me to come and see you. i would say yes and she would say on one condition, i want you to ace this exam - so if she really wanted to walk away because i wouldnt commit why did she do this ?

and then to go on the dating site within a couple of days of our last breakup ? how cruel is that

she betrayed my trust for 15 months , talking behind my back with her ex boyfriend, dumping me so much, disappearing at nights saying night nurse had knocked her out, getting urine infections all the time and because of this my trust in her was diminshed, she then dumped me for not being able to get over the past so fast and keep mentioning the past

and this led to her conclusion which she said to my friend recently

 

he is 90% perfect for me but its that 10% that he mistrusts me and checks up on me that i cant handle and that 10% overrides the 90%

 

IF she doesnt meet anybody decent from that dating site ( which i think will happen as she has been on it months and nothing ) and NC gets more than the current 5 weeks do you think i will get contact from her

dont get me wrong i dont want her back but validation that she did me wrong

 

Her wanting you back again, which I believe will happen says NOTHING. It does not validate that she has wronged you, but only contributes to further wrongs. Only you are the one that can finally open his eyes and see all the cruel treatment she has bestowed upon you.

[BrokenFool]

Last Question

Whenever we would have a breakup ie she would dump me she would never contact me directly but would do things to get a reaction out of me so i would break and contact her and we would start talking again

been NC for 6 weeks now, not spoken for 2 months - longest ever so i dont know if this is now getting to her

so in the last 2 weeks the following has happened

an anonymous profile checking out my linkedin profile - never happened before in the 2 years i have been on linkedin and anybody can set their profile to anonymous by changing their settings, i am out of work at the moment and have been job searching so maybe she is trying to see if i have got a job

Facebook - After the initial break up she made her profile private and you couldnt search for it, now you can and she has made a picture of her as her profile picture, wearing something she knows i liked her wearing

MSN - logged on to see if im online

Dating Site - logged on for 2 hours onto their because previously this had caused a reaction out of me, then after that didnt work changed her profile picture on that site to a new picture i havent seen before

and NOW after having the new pic up for one day and logging on 2 times she has deleted her profile from the dating site

 

Has she met somebody - which i think is unlikely because you dont decide to go ahead with somebody and delete your whole profile after just a day do you

 

or

 

is she trying to get me to contact her - seen as though i changed my mobile number etc , is she trying to get a reaction out of me

 

all views welcome, thanks guys, feel much stronger thanks to you guys

[depplover_1980]

Well I am glad you feel better because I've not been overly kind with you but that is because this is not a case that requires niceness but the facts as I see it, based on the information you provide.

 

I think the most frustrating thing for me and for you is that you are clearly an intelligent guy. Let's look at your latest post - it is highly analytical in terms of identifying her latest 'moves'; I agree with everything you said and think the coincidences are too great for it not to be her based on her history.

 

You've been in a revolving cycle for too long and you are the only component that can stop it repeating itself again. That means no contacting her whatsoever and training yourself to start ignoring any attention-seeking behaviour and to stop over-analysing. As more time passes, it will get easier for you - but only if you realise you deserve a life free from games and drama.

[BrokenFool]

Depplover_1980 - I appreciate your advice and words no matter how harsh you may feel they might have sounded to me, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind

Yes bless god i have worked very hard to be highly educated and have recently completed a mba and interviewed for some senior level positions unfortunately this intelligence does not help when it comes to this situation

she is a master manipulator and i can see her games before she plays them now

i suppose either way if she is playing a game for me to contact her because she is to stubborn or has decided to take a chance on someone from the dating site it hurts me

i know if i was to contact her and say have you met somebody from that site is that why you have deleted your profile she would get an ego stroke that i have been checking that website and also whether her answer was yes or no i would be hurt and back to day 1 of NC which after 38 days i dont want to do

i suppose what im asking is reading my story and taking into account what i have said what do you think she is playing at ? what is going through her mind ? IF she has met somebody from that site will she be able to move on so easily ? will things be rosy in her life now ?

[depplover_1980]

As a former loon (I've been up there with the craziest!) I think she honestly doesn't know what she wants other than attention and to be embroiled in something stimulating. Deep down she wants to be loved, but she has such little esteem for herself that when love actually appears she damages it because she feels unworthy. This subsequently makes her feel worse about herself and the cycle becomes deeper and more confusing for both her and whoever is involved in this battle.

 

This has gone on for a long time in her life and where a balanced person would feel love, she is only content when she feels confusion and passion because she cannot handle the emotions of love and the self-contentment the feelings bring.

 

I think she could quite easily move onto someone else if she really liked them, if they appeared to give her a significant amount of attention - she will no doubt act the perfect woman to get them to fall for her, but when they do she will again go on this tornado behaviour. However until she does meet someone that lights her up she'll continue to send you messages, to keep you interested, to keep you in the game. Just in case...

 

Until this woman admits to herself she does not like who she has become and seeks serious long term counselling, then she stands incapable of being in a loving rewarding relationship. I've been there and recognise too many symptoms, so if I were you I'd really listen to me.

[BrokenFool]

I absolutely intend to listen to you and trust me when i say not speaking to her since jan 4th and NC for 38 days odd now is the longest i have ever gone and the strongest i feel

she is insecure, has said that to me before, doesnt like what she sees in the mirror and had a recent boob job to rectify that problem, gets laser treatment on a monthly basis because she thinks she is hairy, she isnt and was even looking into getting something done about her bandy legs which are normal

i thought by staying with her loving her unconditionally these insecurities would go away - they didnt

she would openly admit i think your too good for me , your better looking than me

if we have kids i want them to have your eyes,nose etc

she was in a previous 5 year rltnshp which ended ONLY because neither was willing to convert to the others religion and because of the relationship with her father ( she doesnt like his views, how he has brought them up, how he treats their mum) this guy was her 1st POSITIVE male figure in her life and they broke up because they HAD TO not because SHE WANTED TO so she still loved him and got with me in a valiant attempt at moving on and because her biological clock was ticking

i admit i made errors snooping on her and checking her phone and mistrusting her but she could never see this was caused by getting dumped every few weeks, not allowed to call her when she was with friends, family or work lot, dropping my calls late at night, disappearing for nights, having cracked skin between her arse cheeks, the fact i knew from day one she was lying to me about her ex being on her facebook friends list and i was thinking why she lying what has she got to hide

so she turned everything 180 and blamed everything on me

called me a liar

said i was only with her for sex - she lives 300 miles away

was only with her for horny chat on the phone - this hadnt happened for the last 2 years of our relationship

was only with her for money - i always paid whenever we went out bought her gifts and hadnt received so much as a birthday card for my last two birthdays and still let it slide

had lied about why my past relationships ended

etc etc

 

i was to blame for everything

Depplover_1980 - i dont want her back i promise you that but just because shes fckd up doesnt mean i have to be , i care about her

i want validation that she did me wrong

maybe even an apology

 

her whole issue was always i dont trust her

my friend said now she has deleted her profile of that dating site if i DONT contact her letting her know i have noticed she will see that as a sign im not checking up on her again etc etc and make a move to talk to me with tears and the whole i miss you stuff

 

she said to me " i know nobody will ever love me or care for me as much as you do " then why look elsewhere duh

 

PS: thanks for being there for me really appreciate it, shame you dont live closer we could go out for dinner

[depplover_1980]

But yet again you do have the validation that she did you wrong, as you are very self aware and wise to what has happened within the relationship.

 

You are expecting an apology or an explanation from someone who is not in a place to give you one. The only way this woman will ever be able to say sorry and mean it would be for her to address her own issues first, one by one, then look at the subsequent harmful behaviours of her severe esteem problems and then finally at the innocent victims who happened to be in the path of that behaviour. There will be no quick route for her to realise all of this, nor can she be forced - that is IF she even wants to change.

 

SO waiting for her to come to you with something genuine is just not going to happen. Now I realise it is very hard, even painful and at times like banging your head against a wall but you will need to continue your fantastic run of NC and focus onwards none the less. I do have empathy - my 2nd relationship ended 6 weeks after he proposed to me, he kicked me out and well never really spoke to me again. I remember the disbelief very well, even now. You will also find this board has many members who want an apology, it becomes a stumbling block in ones own recovery and a real challenge, but it is possible and most people make it regardless.

 

Where do you live then?

[BrokenFool]

Once again you have hit the nail on the head

her deep rooted insecurities wont get ironed out by 6 weeks of NC, these have been with her for a long time and will be with her for a long time

because she always blamed me i always felt maybe it was me who was causing the problems so i would always feel i need to improve

once i said to her isnt it nice we are getting on well now and she said thats cos we are talking less and i thought what about if we get married then what ?

maybe she has moved on with someone from that site, lucky him cos she wants everything her own way their is no compromise and if he doesnt do what she says it will be dumping time and once dumped if he thinks they can have a civilised conversation about the problems think again

she will ignore all his texts/emails/calls and not respond to anything even a 1000 apologies dont make any difference with her

the funny thing is somebody has been checking my linkedin profile anonymously and i have a job interview tomorrow for a role which will involve working the hospitals in her town, i hope i get this job cos when she finds out im so close to her and havent bothered with her then it will really get to her

in my heart when we broke up i gave her till may 5th because i felt for myself it would be sufficient time to heal and move forward, now im thinking if i dont hear from her in the next month that deffo means she has met somebody from that site - god knows sometimes i confuse myself as to how i feel about her and what i think

 

ps im from manchester in the united kingdom

ill give you my email add if you want

[depplover_1980]

Well you are bound to have mixed feelings towards her with some loving ones because you've been on a emotional rollercoaster. There are many couples that still love each other when they split, but due to irreconcilable differences or a major imbalance the relationship does not work - love is not enough sometimes and yes it is sad, but it is also true.

 

I am a little confused as to setting these timelines - what is that going to achieve? You'll know she's moved on? Or are you truthfully still going to harbour hope and put yourself through the wringer again because that would be pretty stupid for a smart guy. You will heal much quicker and more effectively from today, though I think the process started all those 38 days ago and you've hit that middle dip/uncertainty stage.

[BrokenFool]

Closure is a word that means a lot of different things for different people, some say you get your own closure, some need it from the dumper, some never get it , some never need it

i refuse to believe in my heart that at the age of 28 where most girls would want to be thinking about marriage and stability and maybe children she would have played this game with me for 3 years even at the detriment to the point where now at 31 soon to be 32 the age group of guys who would be interested in her has changed all for a bit of fun

i do honestly believe that our problems between us were little and fixable - but have now realised they arent fixable by me

she would say x causes a problem in our relationship, i wouldnt do x and she would dump me for y, so id beg and get back together promise not to do y and she would dump me for w , in the end when i add it all up despite her one liners of " your so sweet, you have qualities which would make anybody fall in love with you yada yada" she must not have liked much about me to have treated me this way or was it the fact she thought she could do better than me or wasnt properly healed from her last relationship and everything i did or said that he wouldnt do reinforced her loss to her and she would dump me or was she so insecure that she didnt feel she deserved me so would sabotage the relationship before i had a chance to ( not that i was going to) and the last one actually holds some weight to me because when there wasnt a problem to argue about she would invent one , once during sex she started bawling saying your going to leave me i know you are, we had no problems prior so where she got that from i dont know

yes i am much much stronger now thanks to god and family and friends and the awesome people here on loveshack whom have listened to me vent and given me constructive advice, who knows whats going to happen in the future and if she did come back it would require a lot of work on her part that she hasnt the courage to put in , but hey she might suprise us all

this longest NC by me changing of my number, deleting my facebook might have actually made her realise she has lost me because before she always knew she had me on a leash

like i said god knows if someone is destined for you they will always find a way back to you

not everybody you meet on the path of life is destined to walk with you all the way to your destination

thanks guys - will keep you updated on any developments

over and out

[depplover_1980]

I am a total believer that you are only meant to be with some people for a short amount of time and that they teach you lessons and so forth.

 

Sorry but it is totally feasible that at her age she could be still playing games - it's called emotional immaturity.

 

Look you're doing really well, but unless this woman is struck by some sort of personal lightning and realises she needs help, then goes forth to better herself - you will be put through it over and over again.

 

As said before, I am here to go back and forth when you feel you need it. x

[Movingthrough]

Last Question

Whenever we would have a breakup ie she would dump me she would never contact me directly but would do things to get a reaction out of me so i would break and contact her and we would start talking again

been NC for 6 weeks now, not spoken for 2 months - longest ever so i dont know if this is now getting to her

so in the last 2 weeks the following has happened

an anonymous profile checking out my linkedin profile - never happened before in the 2 years i have been on linkedin and anybody can set their profile to anonymous by changing their settings, i am out of work at the moment and have been job searching so maybe she is trying to see if i have got a job

Facebook - After the initial break up she made her profile private and you couldnt search for it, now you can and she has made a picture of her as her profile picture, wearing something she knows i liked her wearing

MSN - logged on to see if im online

Dating Site - logged on for 2 hours onto their because previously this had caused a reaction out of me, then after that didnt work changed her profile picture on that site to a new picture i havent seen before

and NOW after having the new pic up for one day and logging on 2 times she has deleted her profile from the dating site

 

Has she met somebody - which i think is unlikely because you dont decide to go ahead with somebody and delete your whole profile after just a day do you

 

or

 

is she trying to get me to contact her - seen as though i changed my mobile number etc , is she trying to get a reaction out of me

 

all views welcome, thanks guys, feel much stronger thanks to you guys

 

Here is my take on this (and sometimes i wish i could get myself to feel this more!). Most people when they break up do stuff like this, even the dumper and even if they move on. They are hurting too and they are "making sure" you are or trying to figure out what is going on in your life, and with social networking nowadays, its very easy.

 

I have posted this before but here is a blip of my story which can prove it. My ex broke it off with me, days after saying she loved me and "planning" to move in with me. Weeks after that or days i dont know, she is with another guy. Her FB profile looks like a valentine day card, pictures all over filled with "love", i didnt have her as a friend but i heard about it and saw a few pics because my friends commented on it. To be honest, it was over the top, her friends who were supporters of her moving on actually said that "it wasnt like her and looked fake". Couple months went by and i ended up hanging out with another girl that she knows. The minute my ex found out she called the girl and went off, basically said i used to be so in love with her and was only going for her (the girl i was hanging out with) because i couldnt get her (my ex back).

 

So lets do the math here, you are moved on, so in love with this guy, everything is beautiful...........but you care who i am hanging out with? Why? Well i dont know why, but im pretty sure its because she is jealous that she doesnt have my attention now.

 

Point of this story is your ex is making moves, she is "spying" because there are still some sort of feelings there. Doesnt mean you guys will def. work out again, but one of the biggest questions on here is usually "do they still care?" "are they thinking of me?".....the answer is usually yes.

Edited March 2, 2011 by Movingthrough

[BrokenFool]

depplover - you look beautiful in your new picture, why would any guy with eyes walk away from you, you are hot

movingthrough - thanks for your advice and story great insight

 

next chapter in her games

like i said my ex had registered on a dating site, which some of my friends were also on, not a very good site, meant to be a matrimonial site but a lot of people on there just looking for flings

so its been 6 weeks NC and 2 months since we last spoke

the last time we spoke it was a ok chat, she agreed to be friends and readded me on msn and facebook

i was away for a few days and when i logged on i realised she had added me as a friend again on facebook but restricted me from seeing her friends list, the love in my heart took over so i texted her

 

me: can i ask you a question

her: what

me: have you met somebody from that site thats why youve restrcited me from seeing your friends list on facebook?

her: get out of my life forever, im sick of your crap, i dont wanna hear from you again etc, deleted me from msn facebook etc , contacted my friend who had set us up and said i was hassling her etc

( she had asked ME if i had met somebody else a month prior and i wasnt on a dating site or the dumper )

anyhow so in the last 2 weeks she has

logged on to msn - hasnt done so since we broke up, is she logging on to see if im online

changed her profile pic on facebook to something she knows i like and something i have responded to in the past and contacted her - didnt react

then on friday night she changed her profile pic on the dating site to a new pic of her, almost like she was trying to show me , then she logged on to the dating site for 2 short periods on saturday and then DELETED her profile completely on sunday

now my question is do you think she has done this to give me the impression she has met somebody from that site and to scare me into contacting her ???

 

i can honestly say 90% she wouldnt have met somebody on that site, she was logged on saturday so even if she had 1 day isnt enough time to decide to delete your whole profile off, she could have just not logged on or taken her profile offline

 

so tempted to break NC but i know if i do

if i hear YES i have met someone it will break me

if i hear NO i havent but it shows youve been checking up on me ( which was one of the core reasons she says she broke up with me )

either way its my loss but the thought of her with somebody else is hurting

 

advise me guys

[smudge21]

Don't break NC - Re-read what Depplover has told you (it is some of the best advice I've read and also applies to my situation so well). This girl wants you to want her, but doesn't want you... confusing I know.

 

I'm equally so tempted when my ex does similar things or even texts random stuff, but I'm forcing myself to stay NC.