Does being around the one who dumped you make it easier for them to move on?

[turokturok5]

Girlfriend dumped me 3 weeks ago for being too clingy, we dated for 2 months, we're 18 heading into uni for the first year, lasted 2 months. Heard shes having some trouble coping with the break-up and ive pretty much been in no contact with her for 2 weeks. Tonight i was meant to be going to a gathering where she was, but im going to a big party instead. Im going to go to the big party for a bit, then go to the gathering. I do want my ex back, i want to show her im not clingy, so im just going to go to this gathering where she is and talk to all my friends and just have a good time. Will this work against me, or for me, will she begin to see that im not so clingy and that i can have a good time without her (im only going to talk to her if she initiates contact) or will it work against me, as apparently its easier for the dumper to move on if the dumpee is there?

p.s. ive seen her 3 times this week at uni, we talked sometimes on one of these occasions, the second time was brief, the third time we didnt talk at all.

[Renard99]

I think this is a tough one and my answer is both yes and no.

 

Under 'no - I don't think it'll be easier for her to move on if you're there' I think that as long as you go and have fun, show her you're not clingy and you're prepared to have good time with a large number of people and not just with her, she may realise her mistake.

 

Under 'Yes - it is easier for her to move on' (and I fall into this category) I say that by being around her but not in a romantic capacity desensitises her to you. The more you are there at a social event as a 'friend' (even if you aren't actually friends) the more she actually starts to view you as one. This happened to me because after the break up, she didn't have many options in terms of moving out. It took her about two weeks to find somewhere affordable, a week to find a free slot for a van/removal company and then a further week finally move out. In those weeks that we still lived together, she was able to go about her daily business with me just floating around in the background as a 'friend'. She got too used to having me there without needing to actually interact with me. Basically, she learnt to ignore me. I'd love to have her back, as she was the one that left me and therefore my feelings never changed, but between me going NC in order to move on and her seemingly able to ignore me, I very much doubt she will come back

[turokturok5]

I think this is a tough one and my answer is both yes and no.

 

Under 'no - I don't think it'll be easier for her to move on if you're there' I think that as long as you go and have fun, show her you're not clingy and you're prepared to have good time with a large number of people and not just with her, she may realise her mistake.

 

Under 'Yes - it is easier for her to move on' (and I fall into this category) I say that by being around her but not in a romantic capacity desensitises her to you. The more you are there at a social event as a 'friend' (even if you aren't actually friends) the more she actually starts to view you as one. This happened to me because after the break up, she didn't have many options in terms of moving out. It took her about two weeks to find somewhere affordable, a week to find a free slot for a van/removal company and then a further week finally move out. In those weeks that we still lived together, she was able to go about her daily business with me just floating around in the background as a 'friend'. She got too used to having me there without needing to actually interact with me. Basically, she learnt to ignore me. I'd love to have her back, as she was the one that left me and therefore my feelings never changed, but between me going NC in order to move on and her seemingly able to ignore me, I very much doubt she will come back

 

that must of been really difficult for you, im sorry. What your saying makes perfect sense, i questioned it for that exact reason. I didnt end up going to the party she was at, i ended up going clubbing instead and ignoring 5 missed calls and 3 texts from her best friend asking where i was. Exept theres another party tonight that im going to, i think she'll be there, im hoping to just have fun and maybe she'll notice that im the same person she fell for.

[TaraMaiden]

Don't ever do, or act out anything, with the purpose or intention of getting someone back.

 

You will invariably end up being disappointed and your efforts will come to nothing, so you will feel doubly crappy.

The whole point of looking as if you're getting on with your life is - to get on with your life.

 

Without her, day will turn into night, season will follow season, traffic jams will occur, and you will continue to breathe in and out.

 

Second chances rarely work, because whatever messed up the first chance is still there messing up the works.

 

Move on, show her you're moving on, and do it genuinely.

 

For yourself.

Let it go.

 

You will, trust me, get over this, recover and survive.